Tale of woe

Frodo here. I am here to tell you my personal story of woe. Now while I recognize that the world is currently experiencing challenges and tragedies the scope of which are often unimaginable, I am a dog. And for me, a world crushing blow is when my dinner is late. Or I must be groomed. So excuse me if you think that my complaints are trivial. We dogs view the world very differently. For example, we don’t CARE about politics. Unless there is some ruling that directly affects us canines. Like extra taxes on dog food or treats. We canines are not liberal or conservative. Our dogma is simple. Live. Every day. Play lots of games. Smell the world around you. Eat everything in your bowl. ( Unless you are a Picard- then stare at everything in your bowl). Guard your home. Roll freely. Love your human. Sleep wherever and whenever you want. Wag a lot.

Humans could follow our lead.

All that being said – I was VERY cranky yesterday. So much for my Zen dogma. Why you might ask? Because we awoke to a snowy landscape. We had snow all day on Tuesday and instead of following the “rules of APRIL” – it did not disappear overnight. So there was snow on the lawn and on the driveway yesterday morning. Sure- it LOOKED pretty. But it was WET snow. The kind the results in this….

We went for our morning constitutional and yours truly could hardly make it home. This phenomenon is expected in JANUARY- but not in April. Our walk needed to be aborted when I could no longer move.

Of course when we got home, her highness had the “perfect” solution. Rinse me off in the tub. So she dragged me into the garage and put me on the grooming table. She walked around the table to the tub. It was at that instant that I attempted my escape. Just as I went to jump off the table – she grabbed me from behind. Game on. I put my feet over the edge of the table in an attempt to throw myself off. Meanwhile, she held me from behind with her arms somehow under my bellie. I pushed with all my might. In a futile use of her breath she kept repeating “stop it. Stop it.” The wrestling match raged on for what seemed like hours but was probably 20 seconds. She finally gave a valiant heave and I lost my grip on the table. I was hoisted aloft, swung around and plopped into the tub. She then used a stream of warm water to melt the offensive snow balls. The melting took less time than the battle.

She took me out of the tub and I marched into the kitchen. The beatnik heard the battle cries – so he had settled on the dog bed with his snowball feet carefully tucked under his body. Admittedly, his snow feet were not as bad as mine. Still – the snow feet warden called him to come into the garage. Of course, he wasn’t going. She marched over to the bed with a leash in hand and escorted him to the tub. He didn’t bother to put up a battle.

So that was my tale of woe. BUT – by the late afternoon yesterday, the snow had pretty much disappeared. Joy, happiness and dog Zen are back in our boring, quarantine life. Ahhhh. Bliss.

Have a good one. Peace and paws up. Stay safe.

Annoying habits…

Yo two leggeds. Elroy here. Time for your daily dose of insanity. And I’m pleased to share it.

So there is this post going around the internet with a photo of a couple sitting on a sofa. The man is staring ahead – like he is mesmerized with something. The wife or partner is glaring at him and the caption reads: Day 35 of quarantine. Can you blink a little more quietly please? Her highness thought that was incredibly funny. We just stare at her when she laughs uproariously about something she reads. And of course, she HAD to share it.

I’m sure there are a NUMBER of close households where the smallest annoyances are beginning to feel magnified by this quarantine. And in our household, it’s not the blinking but the LICKING that is driving her highness even more mad than usual. So- of course we do it even more than usual. Come on- we are just trying to keep her from becoming one with the sofa.

Our daily routine includes our morning walk – which is the first thing to happen each day. Of course this happens after her highness gets dressed. Then we come home, are fed, lick the yoghurt container, get our dose of blueberries and or bananas and THEN her highness has her breakfast. And it is at this point that the lick fest begins. There are two versions of the fest. Either we lick ourselves – OR we lick each other. The mutual licking generally involves heads. And feet. The individual licking involves…well not heads or feet. In the morning, given the choice of lick options, we usually go for the mutual licking. Her highness cannot BELIEVE how the Boss tolerates me not only licking his feet, but actually chewing the fur on the top of his feet. Now while some of you might think that’s gross, keep in mind that I have recently developed an appetite for goose poop. Yum. So PON feet are not that big a stretch.

We usually begin the fest after we see her take her first sip of coffee. To do so before caffeine would spell solitary confinement- for sure. Since this quarantine began, she sits with her sidearm right next to her. It’s a squirt gun. She has good aim and can sprinkle us from across the room. All she has to do is pick it up, and the Boss who hates water- freezes. He stops licking my ears and face. I’m not as worried about a little shower – in fact I have been known to jump in the air to catch the stream. But if there is a shower and my partner doesn’t want to play, it ruins the fun. Her highness is SO dramatic about it that she makes sure her sidearm is handy before she starts eating.

Yesterday she groomed the Boss and noted a unique trimming job on his feet. And around his head. I call it my “Fro Exotic” cut. That’s supposed to be a joke for anyone who subjected themselves to that Tiger TV show. I watched it and was hoping we might get a Tiger. Just kidding. I’d rather get sheep.

There is just ONE word of caution with lick fests. When you lick hair, you basically ingest some during the styling process. Now sometimes it will cause you to cough immediately after. But the REAL problem can result at the “other end” – if you get my drift. Yup. I had a bit of a hairy poop the other day – resulting in a cling on. AND a visit to the tub after our walk. Sorry to be graphic- but we all know that poop happens.

It’s supposed to rain or SNOW all day today. Doesn’t really bother me THAT much, but it’s a bit like walking in a funeral procession with my mentor. He’s one pitiful looking creature in the rain. It’s like his legs are made of lead. Mind you, he moves perfectly fine and at a fast pace when we are headed for home. In my experience, styling wet hair is actually easier than dry.

Well time to drag the Boss out. I just looked out the window – and there is wet SNOW. He is not going to be happy. I’ll have to give him an extra special styling job.

Have a good one. Peace and paws up. Stay safe.


Greetings readers. Frodo here. Happy Sunday. The sun has been shining so far this weekend and we are hoping for another spring-like day today.

Well no bear sightings yet but we do have another wildlife story to share.

I bet you thought thought PONs and Picards were in the Herding group. Well – it turns out we are bird dogs at heart. Sort of.

Last evening, just before sunset, we went for a walk on the golf course. And it was evident we had company. You could hear them from quite a distance away. And there were only two. Two big Canada Geese.

First the beatnik spotted them. And he did his imitation of a Pointer. But it looks more like he has a sore paw. He stood like this for about a minute.

Here you see the two of us intently watching them. You can only barely see one in the photo – the other one went over the hill and into the water. By this point, yours truly made them aware that we were watching – by shouting out a cheery “hello.”

We continued on our walk, leaving the honk machines behind. We walked for quite a while, and as we were heading for home, we heard something in the distance. They were coming for us. Kind of. And the beatnik was intrigued.

Have you ever seen a large dog jump in the air in a futile attempt to catch a goose? From where you see him in the photos. He had about as much luck catching a goose as he did of catching an airplane. It was a sight to behold. But unfortunately not captured on camera.

Now her highness didn’t need to worry about him taking off after the geese because he was on a leash. And she didn’t need to worry about me- because I’m well behaved. Or so she thought. I took off to say hello. However, I stopped to reconsider when I realized the size of them…

While I do enjoy the fresh “deposits” left by the honk machines, I wasn’t completely sure about whether I wanted to meet them up close and personal. In the meantime, her highness and the beatnik came over and my meeting opportunity was aborted when I was put on a leash.

We sadly continued on our journey, with both of us looking over our shoulders to be sure they weren’t really coming for us. Not that they could surprise us. I have finally met another creature that makes more noise than yours truly.

Wonder who we’ll meet today…

Have a good one. Peace and paws up. Stay safe.


Yo readers. Elroy FINALLY here. It seems like when the topics are serious, the Boss gets to write the blog. Not that things around here aren’t still feeling pretty serious – but we’re deciding to focus on other things today – so I get to share MY views.

News from paradise. Well, the delivery guy came yesterday! I was lounging in the bedroom, so I didn’t hear him arrive. I was on a union break from guard dog duties. So the Boss was on patrol and aptly threw himself against the door, shouting out his warning. It is always quite the display.

Now besides the fact that there were dog treats in the box that arrived, there were some replacement fetch toys AND some other new toys. The replacements were for worn out toys. And – I’m probably not supposed to mention this – but ONE of our fetch toys is currently located on the roof. Yup. Her highness is so coordinated. During the VERY FIRST THROW the other day, she pitched it right onto the roof. I looked all around the yard wondering where it went! So now we wait for the next big wind storm to blow it down.

Besides those toys, we also got these soft, fuzzy indoor balls – which are about the size of a softball.


Well. Let me tell you – they were a crowd favorite. OK. Maybe two of us isn’t really a crowd – but we both liked them. Her highness was tossing them around and of course, the Boss was retrieving his. I preferred to run and get mine and then toss it around myself. Now because they are soft, her highness wouldn’t leave us to play with them unsupervised because it is possible we could perform surgery on them. But they are great for supervised play!

In other news, it seems that the springtime arrival of wildlife is in full swing. In addition to the porcupine spotting the other day, we have also seen some bunnies. Actually- we didn’t see all the bunnies. Her highness posted this embarrassing photo of me and the Boss, standing probably 10 feet away from Mr. Cottontail.

Yup. We missed him. BUT – for those who think it’s because we have hair in our eyes, I am here to reassure you that we DO see bunnies. Like later that day when we were going for a walk to the lake. We JUST stepped out the door. The Boss was free, but I was on a leash . Her highness made the big mistake of not looking out the door first…..

The next thing she knew, the Boss had taken off. Yours truly bolted to the end of my leash – causing her highness, who was busy closing the front door, to let go. She watched the scene in horror – – – which was like something out of an African wildlife safari video – with three animals racing in slow motion. Bunny in the lead. PON 3 feet behind bunny and Picard 3 feet behind PON. She knew that yelling at us to stop was futile – so she took off running. Anyway, the Boss stopped where the lawn meets the woods. He didn’t want to get his feet muddy. I nearly ran into him, screeching to a halt. Meanwhile the long earred rodent was gone. Darn.

Besides porcupines and bunnies, a neighbor notified everyone on the road that it appears we have a larger newcomer. Yup. A bear. We haven’t seen him or her yet- but her highness sure made some racket last night when we went out for our last pee of the night.

Today is Friday. So they say. Who knows what day it is when you are basically home all the time?! For those who are working – we thank you for your service – and happy weekend!

Have a good one. Peace and paws up. Stay safe.

Trying times

Frodo here again. I must say it’s difficult to write a blog when the tragedy here in Nova Scotia continues to grow- each day. To write something funny and to appear as if everything is back to normal somehow seems “disrespectful” of the tremendous loss that is felt across our province. Yes – life goes on. But the effects of this will live on for a very, very long time.

That being said, the purpose of this blog, from the beginning, was purely to brighten other people’s days. Viktor started this to put a smile on the faces of others. He felt that by sharing our day to day adventures, some people might be able to relate to our sometimes hmmmm….”wayward” behavior. Also it gave others the chance to remark about her highness- “better her than me.” In the process, we have also shared useless trivia, shopping tips and world dog news. But again – all of this was to hopefully put a smile on a face or two. So for that reason, we are continuing to tell our tales during these difficult times. Because most of us could definitely use a smile – whether because of the tragedy or the pandemic. So we will continue to try our best to let you leave sadness behind for a few minutes. Depending on your reading speed.

So what is new in our household? Nothing. Have a nice day.

Just joking. My keen sense of joke delivery delights me.

We all know that the beatnik is the world’s most finicky eater. Yes – his appetite HAS improved. And he will now eat banana pieces and blueberries without spitting them out and examining them like a scientist in a lab. But OVERALL, he does not behave like a VP. Vacuum PON. As a result, her highness has generally not had to worry TOO much about him stealing things from counters. Yes- there was the toast licking episode, but as a RULE, he is trustworthy.

So the other day when her highness finished her own meal, and sliced a few small pieces of fat that had been on her meat -to add to our food- she didn’t think twice when she went into the garage to get our food bowls. So imagine her shock when she came back to the kitchen to find the beatnik with two paws on the counter, thoroughly cleaning off the plate. “Hey” she shouted. He turned around, still with the two paws on the counter and looked at her as if to say “you needed something?” She raced to the counter and he rather reluctantly jumped down. Smacking his lips.

Frankly, I am jealous of his height. He is easily able to access counter food – while yours truly is forced to precariously balance and jump up and down on two legs. I think I need to work out some kind of “arrangement” with him…

The other bit of news here is that we learned some wildlife trivia. Did you know porcupines can run? Her highness has always seen them moving fairly slowly like me on a rainy day. But the other evening, we took a walk and her highness spotted one running over a hill on the golf course. The beatnik never noticed – but I DID spot him. Thankfully I was on leash because there is no doubt in her highness’ mind that I would have raced over to say a happy hello. She literally looked to the skies and said a little prayer of thanksgiving. Personally, I think it would have made for great blog material.

So far, the online shopping deliveries have been arriving by mail to our postal box at the end of the road- and not delivery to our door. So we are forced to bark at nothing. I like to play a pretend game of “fake delivery person” at least once a day. I throw myself at the door and begin my tirade – forcing her highness to get up from the sofa (that is becoming rather indented in one spot) – or from the bathroom and walk to the door. The beatnik has his own barking game. But usually it involves him barking in a VERY menacing tone at his reflection in the deck door. I’m not joking. Really. This still happens. He is such a delight.

Finally, on this day in 1970, the first Earth Day was celebrated. That’s WAY before my time. But my ancient human remembers it. It is quite interesting that since this pandemic began, the Earth has begun to “recover” from its own virus. Skies over cities are clearer, rivers are cleaner and wildlife is being seen in places they don’t always frequent. So while the pandemic itself is horrible, and a very dark cloud…there actually IS a silver lining. Keep looking for those bright spots…we need them in times like these.

Have a good one. Peace and paws up. Stay safe.

A Nova Scotia tragedy….

Frodo here. Today’s blog is tough. Very tough. But we’ve shared some tough stories with you in the past – so to not write about this would be wrong. Life is not all biscuits and treats.

We live in Nova Scotia, Canada. If you don’t know where that is, but you know US geography, you basically go up to Maine and turn right. We are pretty much surrounded by water.

Nova Scotia is known for its lovely scenery, its seafood and the Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever. OK. Maybe some other stuff too – but those are my priorities.

Her highness says we live in a well-kept-secret place in the world. Sure we get snow in the winter – but then there are no ticks! Our summers are nice and our autumns are known for a beautiful explosion of colors. We have no poisonous snakes or deadly insects. Yes we have bears, and moose and PORCUPINES- but you’re not likely to step on one in your lawn. Or find one in your garage.

We have a couple of cities that offer all the amenities of a HUGE city. We have dog clubs throughout the province and dog shows throughout the spring, summer and fall. When we’re not having a pandemic. You can do pretty much any dog thing you want here – beauty pageants, agility, obedience, field trials, lure coursing, dock jumping, herding, rally – we have all of that.

Nova Scotia is a BIG tourist destination- with the world famous Peggy’s Cove lighthouse not far from our house. The next time you go, be sure to stop in. I’ll bark like I don’t want you to come in – but it’s all for show. Sort of. Just joking. Maybe.

Anyway, our happy corner of the world had a major tragedy yesterday. You can Google the details -but suffice to say, a very sick man took the lives of many innocent people – including an RCMP officer. The whole story is shocking, sad and downright devastating. You know how humans look at the news and think “that could never happen here?” Well our blissful bubble was burst yesterday. Hearts were shattered. And it feels like our peaceful paradise has been violated.

Between that and the virus, it leaves humans asking the question “Why?”

And you know – sometimes there just is no answer. It’s kind of like asking why the beatnik stands and stares at his food dish like it’s about to do a dance. Who knows why he does it. Or why I choose to sleep contorted in the most awkward locations in the house. There is no logical explanation. Or why Viktor left us way too soon….

But one thing I do know. Nova Scotia has seen tragedy….The Halifax Explosion. The first port to receive victims from the Titanic. The Swiss Air crash….There have been mining tragedies. And fishermen lost at sea….And we have mourned those terrible losses. And gone on….And we will do it again….

This video is not new- and in fact, some of the faces are no longer with us – but, well I think it’s a good theme – for all of us. No matter where we live – especially during trying times.


Peace…..Stay safe.


Frodo here. Did you know that on this day in 1924, the first crossword puzzle book was published by Simon and Schuster? I didn’t. I obviously know many things – but frankly, that fact wasn’t in my repertoire of useless facts.

In honor of this occasion, and also because you likely have lots of time on your hands if you are being smart and staying home, allow me to share some websites with crossword puzzles. Having to do with dogs, of course.

This first one is a generic puzzle with a variety of dog facts. It also includes a very basic puzzle if you are not feeling very dog-facty.


Then we have this puzzle with all kinds of facts about service dogs…


Next we have a dog anatomy crossword puzzle…


And then if that is not enough, you can order this book on Amazon.


Her highness does an assortment of word puzzles in the newspaper each morning. Some days she appears to be smarter than others.

She has almost finished her most recent project – thank goodness. It is a hooking. Of a PON head. Or she says that’s what it is. I suppose if one holds it at a great distance and squints, one might be able to make out the PON. It will eventually be made into a pillow.

Now we know how someone, who shall remain nameless, likes to chew pillowcases in this household… That pillow could be mighty tasty. Just joking. Although, while her highness was busily working on this hooking, SOMEONE whose name begins with “E” started pulling out wool from one of the other rug hookings that she did. It resulted in an immediate eviction from the DFZ. I can hardly WAIT for the new dining room carpet to arrive…

Well time to take her highness for her much needed walk. Before she begins another new project.

Have a good one. Peace and paws up. And stay safe.

Just stuff

Greetings readers. Frodo here. The beatnik is currently lying on the dog bed with his feet in the air, so I have the pleasure of writing today’s earth-shatteringly stimulating update. I jest. But not about the feet in the air part.

Speaking of which, I must give you a beatnik update. One night, at around 1 AM during this lockdown, the beatnik began barking at yours truly who was resting peacefully on her highness’ bed. Her highness, who was attempting to sleep, told him to quiet down. He did no such thing and in fact nudged at me on the bed. Her highness, who had not had a good nights sleep the previous night, told him to go in his crate. You KNOW she must have been tired – as she never does that. The only problem was that “the mat” was in his crate. She thought this would be the answer to the question – “Could he actually sleep in the crate WITH the mat?” He went in and she closed the door to see what would happen. He sat there for the longest time- with her highness watching him – because truth be told – she didn’t want to “torture” him – or traumatize him for life. For non-dog people who are reading this, yes- she worries about PTME. Post traumatic mat event. She’s a crazy dog person – and add to that quarantine and you get a truly unique human. The likes of which have never been seen before. But I digress. The beatnik DID eventually lie down and sleep and the next morning was not in a huge rush to get out of his crate. “Great” her highness thought “he is over his mat phobia”. Yeah not so much. Since then, she has left the crate door open – with the mat inside, and he won’t go in. Take out the mat….and he goes right in.

Now for the stimulating part of the blog. Her highness began a new “project” yesterday. It was a rainy day – so she decided not to go out. (That was my idea of a joke.) Anyway, you will have to wait and see what she is NOW doing. No doubt another masterpiece that will end up in the garage….

During a break from her masterpiece, she saw a request on Instagram by a local singer for cute dogs for a possible music video. Well. You know she needed to record a video of yours truly doing something cute tricks. The following video only took about a dozen attempts. And THEN her highness read the instructions which said that the video needed to be candid and taken horizontally. So much for my potential debut in film.

Still. the treats were brilliant. She didn’t attempt to video the beatnik as he doesn’t really have any tricks. Sure – he’s super cute- but how could he possibly do a music video when he looks away if a camera comes out?

Yesterday our walks were short because it was rainy. Today looks cool – but thankfully sunny. Let the walking begin!

Have a good one. Peace and paws up. Stay safe!


Hey readers. Elroy here. Yup. We are still isolated. Except we have a brand new game! Barking at delivery people!

Yup. One of her highness’ new pastimes is buying stuff. Online! It’s a great way to see another human being in the flesh – from a distance. Yup. And all of her orders are reasonable. At least in her mind. Like some headbands to control her ever-growing unusual hairdo. She’s starting to resemble the Boss.

Then she ordered – are ya ready- a new carpet for the dining room!!!! JUST like the one that is there now! She tried to repair my “chewed corner” art – but it’s kind of hopeless unless you have like an industrial sewing machine. And sewing it by hand does not really result in a sturdy repair – as I have so quickly pointed out. She also figures that since she’s pretty much with us 24-7, she can catch me should I begin my crafting skills again. How long did this one last? I should check.

What else is coming? Oh! A new long line for yours truly. The plastic marine rope she was using for me wasn’t REALLY the best. And I’ll be swimming again soon. So she ordered a 30 foot fancy schmancy line for me. I’ll let you know how it works. It will also be good if I attempt to take off in the woods. She will be able to catch me. Although I AM getting a bit better at not taking off. A bit. I still do like to walk and roll in tall grasses though. And YESTERDAY, horror of horrors, she found a TICK on me!!!! We need to start using our tick spray more religiously. Clearly ticks don’t understand social distancing….

What else? Oh yeah. Her highness kind of loves a nap every now and again. If we let her. Anyway the other day she fell asleep and kind rolled on her glasses. They are now a bit crooked – a perfect compliment to her wild hair…

After that debacle she decided to order glasses. Online. Really. She did it once before and they were fine – so she did it again. They cost about a quarter of what her other glasses cost. Did we ever tell you she’s the queen of online shopping? Mind you not ALL bargains turn out to be great buys. She should start a blog about it..

Oh and last but not least – she discovered she could order wine online. THANK goodness. She ordered a case. She enjoys a glass of wine with supper – and toasts to us each night.

She ordered groceries online yesterday- but she can’t pick them up until next Monday. Good thing she has plenty to eat until then. Just between you and me – she COULD afford to skip a meal every now and then. She’s gonna be in one big panic when this isolation thing is over and she can’t wear those giant sweat pants everywhere she goes….

So the Boss and I look forward to all the deliveries. He throws himself against the door and I put my two paws on the edge of the kitchen sink in an attempt to look out the kitchen window. The guys usually leave pretty quickly. I think it’s because we scare them off. The Boss rolled his eyes and said they have more deliveries. Spoil sport.

Anyway it’s a new day. Let’s see if we can convince her highness to order us some new toys online…..

Have a good one. Peace and paws up. Stay safe.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter dear readers. Frodo here. Although the world is on hold – Easter is still here. So we may celebrate differently- but we still celebrate.

And of course, part of our celebration includes the obligatory rabbit ears.

As usual, I was cooperative. You could put almost anything on my head, and if it involves treats, I am more than willing to cooperate. Bunny ears don’t really bother me – I was more annoyed with the brushing that took place pre photo shoot.

Her highness didn’t even bother to attempt to get any individual shots with the beatnik – she knew it would be futile. Here is our series of shots taken together. At first, he is annoyed:

Then he appears indignant. This is coming from a guy who rolls in leaves, becomes covered in them and is quite happy with his appearance.

Then he puts on the sad expression.

And FINALLY, he puts his ears up and manages to appear at least moderately interested.

I should add that we were getting treats and were playing with toys in between every second shot of the 539 photos taken.

So. You would THINK that would suffice. But no. Clearly her highness has WAY too much time on her hands. She decided to do an Easter selfie. The one very interesting part of this gong show was the fact that the beatnik was more interested this time. Perhaps because he saw her highness wearing the ears, he thought it was now fashionable to wear them. You will note his expression is happier in these. Or at least somewhat happier. In the first one he is quite happy to see her looking as ridiculous as we do.

In this one, he is even giving her a kiss.

Here he is actually smiling!

And here he looks at the camera – and smirks…

All I can say is I’m glad no one watched this. Mind you – we are now publishing the results for all the world to see. This is what quarantine will do to you!

Today we’ll get some extra walks and perhaps will have the chance to find some tiny balls in the woods – left by the Easter bunny. Not if her highness has anything to say about it though. She did say we would play find-the- treats hidden around the house. Probably a bit healthier than actual bunny balls.

Anyway – enjoy your Easter – and take a minute to reach out to family and friends who cannot gather with you this year. Yes – things are different – but different can still be good.

Have a good one. Peace and paws up. Stay safe.