New Year’s Eve….

New Year’s Eve.  Time to reflect on 2015…

The year began with the winter from…Siberia.  And the dreaded luge run driveway.  We managed to stay sane – or should I say our human managed to stay sane through one of THE worst winters on record.  Of course we dogs don’t know the difference – and we thought that climbing the mountains of snow piled along the sides of our driveway was GREAT fun.  Heck, we even posed with the dreaded Easter Bunny ears in the SNOW.

We managed to also survive the obligatory holiday costumes from the Canine Palace of Torture – otherwise known as the Dollar Store.  The Valentine Heart headbands, the Easter Bunny ears, the Canada Day flags…the list goes on.  Oh the things our human makes us endure….Mind you, the treats she doles out ARE pretty good.

Thankfully – and this is a BIG thanks – there were no emergency visits to the Vet this year – and our health was GOOD.  That is one of THE best things to be thankful for.  Yes….I DID have that little “incident” with my porcupine encounter – but my human was able to perform “home” surgery for that event.  Had it been worse, I would have DEFINTIELY been visiting the doctor!  Frodo visited the Vet for NUMEROUS check-ups – but they were routine – and he passed his physicals with flying colors.  I think he is going into the military.  Or maybe he is going to be an astronaut.  SOMEBODY suggested I might become an UNCLE in 2016.  But we’ll see about THAT!

We didn’t enter many competitions this year – although Frodo DID manage to complete his Rally Excellent title.  Of COURSE, Frodo WOULD be excellent.  We both competed in our first Rally Team event – and while we didn’t WIN – we definitely were the most entertaining team!

Our human survived home renovations – a new paved driveway and a new bathroom.  Frodo and I do NOT like the look of the new shower.  I mean it’s nice and all – but really, who WANTS a shower?!
My sheepherding adventures were not exactly “remarkable.”  My human was surprised as she thought I WOULD have the instinct.  Honestly, there were just 3 sheep standing in a pen.  What was I supposed to do with them?!  It’s not like they could REALLY go anywhere.  The first time we went, my poor human made excuses for me.  But she was not discouraged – and booked another try several weeks later.  With the same result.  I stood motionless in the middle of the pen. Not moving a muscle.  The evaluator didn’t even let us stay the whole time.  She gave up on me.  Little did she KNOW, I was JUST about to herd those guys.  Sure I was.

This year, I wrote a little book. I published/printed it myself.  Guess what all my human’s friends received as a Christmas gift? I wanted to pawtograph each one with a muddy footprint, but my human wouldn’t let me. 

I had a goal this year of 14 “Likes” on my Facebook page.  I actually have more than 150!!!!!!  And only 138 of those are my human’s relatives!!!!    
I somehow managed to write a blog entry almost EVERY day.  Except for my short blog-cation in August.  My readership has remained steady – thanks to those of you who are VERY faithful.  I could probably list the names of those people who “like” me every day – you have no idea how much I appreciate your support and comments – and I LOVE when you “share” a story you particularly enjoy!  I have not yet done anything earth-shattering that has made me go “viral” – but leave it to me – I’ll think of SOMETHING!!! 
So all in all, a very good year!  I didn’t get my goat –  but that’s OK. 

Well, I had better rest up for the New Year’s Eve festivities – my human and her mother watching people on TV stand outdoors in the cold, waiting for a ball to drop on a building.  Then they sing.  And cry.  Humans.  But knowing my human and her mother, they’ll both be sitting on the sofa sound asleep before the ball drops.  Guaranteed.  And I think we dogs may be joining them….
Happy New Year!!!!  And thank for taking time to read the words of a PON! You helped make my 2015 a memorable year!!!

©  Linda Wozniak

Let’s play ball

Well. It snowed again. And of course, we HAD to go out and take more photos.  But THIS time, Paxton and I had to stay on leash.  And my human took each of us for a walk separately.  The “good” dog, Saint Frodo, got to run OFF leash.  He runs on the trail, waits for my human – and well – he BEHAVES.  He sits when he is told to sit – even when she shouts it from a distance.  Paxton and I have to be convinced to sit (by proof that my human has a treat) and even then, when she backs up to take a photo, we stand up.  Or in my case, I bury my nose in the snow.  Then the treat promise starts all over again.  Paxton and I are just a little unsure what that word “stay” means.  Stay in this spot?  Stay without moving a muscle?  Or just stay in the vicinity? I wish my human would clarify the instruction.

So because of the stormy weather, we played with another new toy from Santa.  It’s basically a ball that has two holes in it to dispense treats when it rolls.  I liked it.  It dispenses at a good rate.  We also got a chance with the new Pyramid again.  When playing with these – we do it one at a time.  I had fun, and Paxton had fun – although he finds the tasks rather boring.  He plays, walks around the room to see if any treats have rolled elsewhere, walks back to the toy and plays again.  But Frodo.  Well – Saint Frodo has a NEW name.  Frenzied Frodo.  Frantically Frenzied Frodo.  The treat ball got down to ONE treat left inside.  And he could hear it rolling around.  So he was rolling it LIKE CRAZY everywhere.  And that last treat wouldn’t come out.  So he started barking at it.  LIKE CRAZY.  He was OUT OF CONTROL.  He was basically having a little temper tantrum with the ball.  And whenever my human would try to stop him, he rolled it faster and wouldn’t let her catch him.  Or the ball.  He was SO mad at that ball.  Finally my human HAD to stop him – and caught him on a fly by.  She took out the last treat and gave it to him.  So he still “won” the game.

Excuse me while I go and bug my human to play something.  Isn’t life a ball?!

©  Linda Wozniak

Winter Wonderland. Not.

WARNING:  Content includes GROSS dog behavior.

OK.  So we had the snow. And the NEW plow guy came.  The OLD plow guy retired after last winter.  Wonder why?  Perhaps because he got stuck in OUR driveway twice and had to call a tow truck to get him out.  Perhaps, because he finally just gave up coming to clear the luge run.  Perhaps because it was a HORRID winter – and everyone was angry with their plow guys – as if they caused the winter weather. That would do it.  The new guy seems nice and enthusiastic.  Or he did back in October when my human met him and he surveyed our driveway.  It all looks great.  When there is no snow.

Anyway, the new guy DID come.  But then it snowed more.  Not enough to plow again.  But enough that it wouldn’t melt – and would form a luge run IF we get the rain they have forecast for later this week.  So my human went out and pushed off some of the snow.  Enough to exhaust her.  And then she made the supreme mistake.  She figured that since she was already garbed in snow attire – why not let us out to take some photos.  Wouldn’t it be nice to get some snow photos?  WRONGO.

First, I refused to sit still.  I kept burying my face in the snow.  And rolling in the snow.  And licking the snow.  I was admittedly, OUT OF CONTROL.  

SOMEHOW – she did manage to capture a few shots.  And then we moved onto the trail. Rounding us up to take ANOTHER photo was torture.  But my human IS persuasive – and determined – and she DID have some decent treats.  But once she ran out of treats– we knew it – and the photo shoot was OVER.  Not only was the shoot over – we ran away.  All three of us.  Into the woods.  Of COURSE, Frodo came back.  But not me.  Or Paxton.  We headed through the woods to the neighbor’s house.  My human stormed into the house, got in the car and drove to the neighbor’s.  And there we were – just dashing UP their driveway.  My human didn’t say a WORD – just opened the hatch on the car and we jumped in.  Then she drove us home, opened the garage door, pulled the car in and shut the door.  She THEN opened the side door to the garage – which leads to the outdoor dog run and then opened the car door.  Out we bounded, barking and happy.  We raced into the run and then we realized – we were busted.  My human said “if you want to stay outside – perhaps you can stay here for a bit.”  And she stormed in the house.   Now although she initially planned to leave us out there for 3 weeks – her guilt overcame her in 3 minutes and she came to let us in.  She opened the door and there was Pax.  But where was I?  She stepped out – into the snow – and saw me intently eating something.  She raced over in the snow – in her stocking feet and pulled me away from my bounty.  And she realized what it was.  You see – when Paxton goes out in the snow – he eats it.  I mean he REALLY eats it.  A LOT.  Until he…well he….pukes.  So there I was having the buffet compliments of Paxton.  Sorry – I know it’s gross – but I DID warn you!  Now for all my human knows – I may have even provided the buffet myself – but she figures it was most likely Pax.  We were both dragged into the house and sequestered in the front hall.  While Frodo walked around the house.  Free as a bird.  What a show off.

So that was our FIRST winter adventure.  And think – it’s just the beginning!!! Never a dull moment in OUR house.  

© Linda Wozniak

That makes scents…

On our morning walk.  BEFORE the snow started!

Well we DID get the snow.  It didn’t start when they said it would – but that’s no surprise.   My human laughs when she looks at this weather forecasting link on her phone and it says things like “Snow will start at 8:10.”  It’s funny when you think that someone probably had to type in that info.  And the likelihood that it would be correct is like 1 in 43.8 billion.  Wouldn’t it be fun to have a job where you just make stuff up all the time? 

Because it was wet, heavy snow, we stayed in and played games.  I demonstrated for my human’s mother just how well I play the Casino board game – where I have to sniff out the treats and open the little drawers to get them.  I am a super star with that game.  In FACT, because I am so great with the nose work, my human did something yesterday.  She registered me for a CLASS – where I will learn how to do scent work.  Now won’t THAT be entertaining?!   She didn’t register Frodo – he gets bored with looking for things.  He’s better with fast “action” activities.  And Pax?  He would be WAY too busy trying to meet everyone else in the class.  He’s too sociable.  My human thinks this will be perfect for me.  At very least, it will provide stories for my blog!  We’ll be starting in two weeks. 

We have been very well behaved since my human’s mother arrived.  She even remarked how we didn’t take off any of her fingers when she was giving us pieces of banana.  She continues to call me Cocoa.  She knows my name – we’ve been through this before – but she thinks I look like a Cocoa.  Whatever a Cocoa looks like.  I mean I’m not even chocolate in color.  That’s OK.  I’ll answer to anything if food is involved!

Well, speaking of bananas, I think I smell one being peeled.  Gotta go!  Have a great day!

©  Linda Wozniak


So.  On Christmas Day we had temperatures of around 14 degrees Celsius – 57 for my American friends.  So NO snow for Santa.  Clearly his sleigh has convertible wheels on it.  Anyway – TODAY we are having LOTS of snow.  At least that’s what the weather person says.  Snow with a chance of freezing rain  and ice pellets.  As usual, they are hedging their predictions by including the “r” word in the forecast.  That way IF it is NOT snow and it is REALLY rain, they have themselves covered.  Pretty clever.  We all  know how I feel about the weather forecast.  Their predictions are about as reliable as I am.  You can NEVER tell WHAT I will do – so I’m kind of like the weather.  Call me Typhoon Viktor.  Or Viktor the Twister.  Anyway, my human is DREADING our first snowfall.  She has visions of the mountains of snow and the luge run driveway from last winter.  And Frodo and I have visions of the dreaded snowsuits.  Remind me again WHY we live in Nova Scotia?  Oh right.  It IS very pretty.  VERY pretty.  Part of the year.
Well we have started playing with our new Christmas toys.  Remember the Pyramid we got last year?  The sturdy hard plastic toy that was weighted on the bottom with a small hole near the top, where treats can come out.  The toy that Paxton loved to carry around and tactically spun so the treats would come out.  The toy that I loved to chase and play with – gobbling treats as they came out. The toy that Frodo frantically BASHED around the room – not even CARING if treats came out.  The toy that would damage walls, furniture and human ankles if they mistakenly were in the path.  Well.  They made a NEW, softer “quieter” model – which of COURSE we had to get.  And it’s true.  It is softer.  And quieter.  And less dangerous to humans and surroundings.  BUT…the treats come out VERY quickly.  Very VERY quickly.  I’m not sure why – it LOOKS the same as the old version, but boy those treats just FLY out.  I LOVE it.  Frodo still bashes it around – without caring that the treats are even there.  Paxton now just bats it with his paws – quickly dispensing treats in one place. So although WE like it, my human isn’t QUITE so thrilled. We have ANOTHER new toy too – we’ll test that one today.

Well excuse me while I go and look out the window AGAIN.  That’s REALLY the best way of forecasting the weather.   Heeeeeeeere we go again!

©  Linda Wozniak

Boxing Day

Waiting for the “OK” to open our special surprises. Note – mine is already started.  I couldn’t wait…

Another Christmas Day done.  Whew.  That was a lot of work.  Just kidding.  We dogs don’t have to work too hard – although we do get to monitor the frenzied behavior of our humans – and that in itself is exhausting.  But the Christmas feast came out lovely – and this year I didn’t steal any turkey legs while my human wasn’t watching.  Sometimes I underestimate her.  She REMEMBERED my theft from last year – so this year, we were sequestered OUT of the kitchen.  AND she played the whole “gift opening” game quite strategically as well.  You see, she let us open the toys we got from Santa in the morning – but saved the BEST gifts for later in the day.  When she KNEW we would be so excited and occupied by them – that we would leave the humans in peace to eat their Christmas dinner.  The special surprise?  We EACH got a deer antler.  But not just ANY antler –an antler STUFFED with sweet potato and beef.  I could not WAIT to open my package.  And Paxton also tore his apart.  Frodo – the good dog who never rips things, didn’t know what to do.  My human had to open it for him.  I kid you not.  And he’s supposed to be the “smart” one?!

Today is Boxing Day.  I thought the name came from the fact that humans get into fist fights while trying to return Christmas gifts – and while fighting for bargains – but apparently it has nothing to do with shopping rage. The name apparently comes from the UK – and has something to do with servants and tradespeople receiving boxes or gifts from their employers the day after Christmas.  In Canada it’s a holiday – and it’s also a day when stores have BIG sales – kind of like the day after Thanksgiving in the US.  It’s a big deal in lots of areas in Canada – but for some reason, everything in Nova Scotia is CLOSED.  Not a store or business can be found that is open.  So the big Boxing Day sales begin the day AFTER Boxing Day.  But they still call them Boxing Day sales.  Confused?  Yup.  Another brilliant human idea.  We don’t really care.  I mean, it’s not like we would be returning those deer antlers that Santa brought.  Let’s just say, they are already well used.

The best news for today is that we have COMPANY coming!  My human’s mother is coming to hang out with us for a few days.  Not that she lives that far away.  Or that she wasn’t here yesterday.  But she is coming to STAY while my human is on vacation.  And we KNOW I am her favorite grand-dog – so that means MORE bananas and treats for me!  OK.  OK.  She does treat us all equally.  But MAYBE – I can work on that – with my adorable, fun-loving, sweet entertaining persona.  I certainly will try!

I hope you all enjoyed your Christmas – and will continue to enjoy the rest of this holiday season!

©  Linda Wozniak

MERRY Christmas!!!

Just a quick note today as it is CHRISTMAS!!!!

Last night my human and her mom and sister had the wigilia supper and went to church and today everyone is coming to our house for turkey dinner.  It appears that Santa overlooked my indiscretions and did leave some presents. We never heard him arrive but he clearly was here. What I find unusual is that the gift wrapping job is actually quite horrible and it bears a strong resemblance to my human’s handiwork. I’m assuming Santa asked her to help him out. I’m doubtful he’ll be using her services in the future.  Mind you, we’ll be tearing off that paper in 0.25 seconds – so I guess it doesn’t REALLY matter what the wrapping looks like…

In addition to Santa arriving – more importantly, Baby Jesus is now in the crib in the manger.  Frodo said he was hiding behind the manger up until now – but all I know is that around midnight, he appeared IN the crib. With the shepherds, the sheep and the cow and the dog.  Of COURSE our manger would HAVE to have a dog in it.

You know – this Christmas is extra special as it is a FULL moon!  As if presents alone aren’t enough to make us crazy!

Well – I am about to open those presents.  I hope my wish for your joyful, happy Christmas is coming true!  Peace my friends!

©  Linda Wozniak

Dear Santa…

Dear Santa.

Before I get into my list, I have some “housekeeping items”. I am hoping that you will come to our home FIRST because my human has spent an inordinate amount of time cleaning the house and us. We cannot maintain this façade for very long.

Also please disregard the previous email list that I sent to you. I hit the “send” button before I was finished with my message.  You will note that the previous list included a goat. I have subsequently taken that item off my list because I realized that my human has enough work taking care of us three dogs -so a goat would probably not be a good idea.

I have tried to be a good dog this year with “tried” being the operative word. You see I have been diligent in writing my blog almost every day. And I actually engage in some of my antics purely for my readership because really, if I was well-behaved all the time, the blog would be would become quite boring.  I must confess I did enjoy destroying the elf and making friends with the porcupine and disappearing in the woods and licking Frodo’s face and Paxton’s ears and breaking into the DFZ and chasing the neighbor’s cat and and and…. well maybe not EVERYTHING was purely for my readership. I hope you will not hold those “indiscretions” against me.

So back to the list.  I had World Peace as number one- but I realize that’s a BIG order…

Some toys would be nice – although none of those “educational” toys this year.  Thanks but no thanks.  We’re still trying to figure out the toys from last year.  So something basic – like a toilet paper roll would be fine.  We quite enjoy those.

No clothes.  Again – thanks but no thanks.  Give those to someone else who really needs them. And enjoys wearing them.

Of course, I always enjoy some treats.  And an extra helping of food would be nice.  Mind you, I already have those too.

We have a comfy bed – which we DO share.  My human could use a bigger bed – but I DO manage to get up there too– but don’t tell her…

Let’s see what else could I ask for?  Santa – perhaps what I will ask for is not for me.  I will ask for something for every person (and dog) who is reading this blog.  I ask that they share the joy and happiness that Christmas is all about .  A smile, a handshake, a phone call, a hug – realizing that Christmas ISN’T about the presents – but about those moments that you share with others.  Human OR canine.  OK. Cats too.  And ferrets.  And rabbits.  But not snakes. OK. Snakes too.  But just for today.

Santa I ask for peace and happiness within the hearts of those reading this – even if just for a moment.   And that feeling of pure joy – that we dogs know ALL about.  That’s what I wish for.

Oh – and if you DO decide to drop off a parcel – and you can’t fit down our chimney – I’ll leave the door open. And I’ll remind Frodo that’s it’s OK to let you in. I’m not sure about leaving you milk and cookies – it is likely one of us would eat it. Sorry about that….

Safe travels Santa – don’t forget to buckle up and you probably should also be wearing a helmet.   Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!

Your best friend.

Viktor.  The PON.

Does Santa REALLY care how we smell?

I should have seen it coming.  We were picked off one by one. It started with me on Monday.  My human took Frodo and I out to play fetch – and I noticed that she was throwing my toy on the lawn – while she was throwing the toy for Frodo on the driveway.  The lawn, I might add was wet and muddy.  I thought it odd – and then realized what she was doing.  She was letting me have a great time – BEFORE the dreaded bath.  Yup.  I was the first victim.  I’m actually NOT too bad when it comes to bath time – although I do attempt to eat the dryer that has the jet engine when she starts it up.  But all in all, I’m not TOO bad.  Frodo and Paxton hardly recognized me when I emerged from the “spa.”  I initially protested the fact that I was the first victim…
 But then realized I DID look and smell pretty nice…

Yesterday, I figured it would be Frodo’s turn – so I gave him a pre-wash before my human began. He was NOT impressed with my handiwork. 

He got a good brushing first, so when that was over, he thought he was done for the day.  Wrongo.  My human had to catch him after he jumped off the grooming table when he realized she was testing the water temperature in the tub.  My human DID catch him – she always does.  You can run – but you CANNOT hide.

 My human planned to give Paxton his bath today – but yesterday after bathing Frodo, she figured she was wet already, so she tackled the worst.  Not worst in terms of behavior – Paxton GLADLY jumps on the grooming table AND in the tub.  He loves the whole experience.  He often sits with his eyes closed while he is being dried – like he’s getting a massage.   He LOVES bath time.
The bad part about Paxton’s bath is the nuclear hair fallout.  My human brushed enough hair off him to fill a garbage bag  before she began – but he STILL loses hair like leaves coming off the trees in the fall when he is bathed.  That’s in the tub while he is being washed.  And then when the dryer starts – well it is EVERYWHERE.  It’s raining down and flying all around the room.  My human has it in her eyes, her mouth – she should probably be wearing a hazmat suit. And the cleanup after takes longer than the bath!
 But we are all done.  And all ready for Santa.   Just putting the finishing touches on my list – I’ll email it.   Because we all look and smell marvelous, there will be no fun retrieving in the muddy yard until AFTER Christmas.  I’m just fearful we will have to wear our snowsuits to keep us clean until then. 

Have a great day!  We WILL – because NO baths today!!!!!!!!
©  Linda Wozniak


December 22.  On this day in 1958, the Chipmunk Song hit #1 in the charts.

Seriously.  It WAS #1.  My human said if I were one of the chipmunks, I would be Alvin.  Great.  Now you know it will be my new nickname.

Personally, I’m not a huge fan of chipmunks.  I mean they are fun to chase – but pretty tough to catch.  Mind you, I’m not quite sure what I would do if I DID catch one.  We had a chipmunk who dug a hole in the middle of the island in our driveway.  If you put a rock over the hole, another hole would come up alongside it.  The island was covered with rocks – and my human FINALLY gave up.  Score:  Human 0 – Chipmunk 1.

Hey speaking of humans and mistakes – did you hear about the Miss Universe Pageant?!  It’s REALLY a weird show where human women march around in bathing suits – and there is NO pool in sight.  Another brilliant human idea.  But the big news – the announcer – some guy named Steve Harvey announced the winner.  And he made a mistake.  The poor woman had 2  minutes of thinking she was queen of the universe and then they took off her crown.  Whoa.  I’m thinking that may be Steve Harvey’s last job for awhile.   Hope somebody buys Steve a reading program for Christmas.

We are getting VERY excited about the arrival of Santa.  I’m assuming the deadline for my list is the 23rd.  Still working on it.

Well – back to bugging my human.  Have a universally super day!

©  Linda Wozniak