Dinner is served…

So.  Today, let’s talk about eating.  I am a PON.  I LOVE to eat.  I will stand at the door that goes to the garage – where the dog food is stored, and I will stare longingly at the door.  In the hopes that it will open.  And I might rush in and find that the food bin has been left open.  On the floor.  For me to devour.  All by myself.  It’s my dream….

When I was little, I discovered one day that the food was kept in a big, bin.  Bigger than me.  And taller than me.  But that was no deterrent to me – I just jumped in.  Or tried to….Here is a photo that my Mom snapped of me with my back feet off the ground – trying to get into that bin.  I was attempting to grab whatever bites of food I could get.  The photo almost looks like a wig – but nope – it’s my butt!  And my back legs.  After that, Mom moved the food bin to higher ground.  Darn.
Now while I LOVE to eat food, we also have Bucket Head, er Paxton.  Paxton loves food too.  Paxton actually loves to eat almost anything.  Gloves, entire rolls of paper towel,  hair from his own tail…Seriously, I love my big brother but he IS kinda weird when it comes to some of the stuff he will eat.  The WORST was this winter…

Mom took Frodo and I for a walk one morning.  We weren’t 20 feet from the front door when Mom’s feet went straight out from under her and kerplump…she sat down REALLY, REALLY hard.  Then she said some word that I can’t print here, and then repeated “oh no, oh no, oh NO.”  She got to her feet and said we had to go in.  I said, “WHY????????? We just came out!!!”  Frodo said, “Please Viktor, can you not see that our mother has injured herself? Here mother, allow me to guide you back into our residence.”  Me?  I still wanted to walk.  Anyway.  My Mom ended up going to the hospital and came home with a great big thing called a cast on her arm.  And a sling… She wasn’t supposed to wear the sling all the time –  but just until she got home.  So she placed it on the counter…

One week later, Paxton wasn’t feeling so good.  He didn’t even want to eat his supper, which was fine with me – because I was happy to have it for him.  But Mom put a stop to that.  Anyway, Mom took Paxton to the Vet.  And do you know what the Vet found??????????????????  Two feet of sling in Paxton’s stomach!!!!!!!!!! EEEEWWWWWWWWW.  He had to have…get ready…his intestinals cut open and the sling came out – all in ONE piece!!!!!  EEEWWWWWWWW.  And THEN when he came home – he had to wear a LAMPSHADE on his head.  Well, not on his head – but around his neck.  Now I LOVE to lick Paxtons’ face – but I wasn’t going near him with that get up.

Since then, he hasn’t eaten anything tooooo crazy.  Mom makes sure that he can’t get things – although he HAS been known to steal the mail off the counter.  And I help him shred it.  Hey – we’re just doing our bit for recycling!!  But as for anything bigger than an envelope – I’ll leave THAT to the lampshade guy!  You would never catch me wearing one of those things!

© 2014 Linda Wozniak

Those humans….

Howdy Blogettes!

WELL.  What a wild night!  And it wasn’t even a full moon!  Frodo and I were up half the night.  Not Paxton, though – he can sleep through anything.  And Mom….well…we kinda kept her up.  Why?  Because we HEARD something.  Outside.  And we needed to alert Mom that there was SOMETHING outside.  I’m PRETTY sure it was the foxes again.  They like to hang out around our house.  They are crafty guys.  They even stole some shoes from Mom!   She had left out two pairs of shoes to dry in the sun one day – and she forgot to bring them in at night.  The next day – one shoe from each pair was MISSING!  Foxes.  I know it.  They have even taken our dog toys – and THAT really makes me mad.

Last night, we heard something.  And for a change, I was the first one to bark.  Usually it is Frodo.  But last night I started the warning.  Mom got up around 3:30, and she couldn’t see anything – but she DID hear the owl.  That’s not what we were barking at though.  We heard something else – and I’m convinced it was the foxes.

Speaking of hearing, ya know, I really wonder why humans are considered to be “superior” to us.  Think about it.  They can’t smell as well as we can.  They can’t HEAR as well as we can.  And I’m not sure about vision – but seriously, when is the last time you saw a dog wearing glasses?  Think about it.

And then there is this whole “work” thing.  They go to “work” while we stay home.  When I complain to my Mom that she has to go, she gives me that old standard line “Dog food doesn’t grow on trees.”  Spare me.  Everyone KNOWS you can’t get dog food from trees.  Except maybe Paxton.  He’ll eat anything – even trees.  Remind me to tell you some of the stuff he has eaten.  That’s a topic for a whole blog post.

So these humans.  What’s the good of them?  OK.  So they groom us… and they feed us…and they play with us…and they give us treats…and they take us to the vet when we are sick…and they pet us…and they buy us toys…and they rub our bellies…and they…they… Wait a minute….I guess I am starting to see why we keep them after all!  Even if they CAN’T hear those foxes….

  © 2014 Linda Wozniak

I smell a…..

GOOOOOD morning blogettes!

And what a BEAUTIFUL morning we are having here in Nova Scotia!!!  We are experiencing a fabulous….hmmmmm….Aboriginal Peoples or Native American Summer.  Gotta be careful with wording things these days!  We are having crisp cool nights – and warm dry days.  Perfect PON weather!

All of us went for walks this morning – and unlike the other morning when we walked the funeral march in the rain – today we were FAST.  Sniffing everywhere.  Sniff.  Unfamiliar dog.  Sniff.  Cat.  Sniff.  Rabbit.  Sniff. Human.  Sniff.  Leaf.  Sniff.  Labrador from down the road.  Sniff.  Sniff. Sniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiif.  FOX!!!!!!!!   Sniiiiiiiiiiiif.  FOX!!!!!!!!  Pull Frodo. PULLLLLLLLLLL.  He must be here somewhere!!!!

We canines have good sniffers – something like a gazillion times better than humans.  My Mom can’t smell anything.  Although there IS one thing that she CAN smell.  When Paxton lets out a poofy.  Whoa.  ANYONE can smell that!!!!  Even the neighbors way up the road.  The air turns green – and the paint begins to peel on the walls.  Frodo’s hair actually stands up.  He and I think it’s QUITE funny – and Paxton just looks around and wonders what all the fuss is about as Mom is dashing to open a window. And it’s SUPER funny if we have company!!!  Oh the simple joys of life.

That’s it for my blog today folks – it’s too nice a day to be on the computer!  Gotta go bark at some flying leaves!

  © 2014 Linda Wozniak

Groaming. According to Vik-ipedia.

Howdy blogettes.

Well after I posted my zoomie story yesterday, my Mom took my advice and did zoomies all around the house.  Looking for her car keys.  Cool.

Today blogettes, I would like to share my thoughts about groaming.  Yes. Groaming.  That’s a Viktorism.  It’s a combo of grooming and groaning.  I am a PON.  I am an expert on groaming.  You see, to have this long, fluffy coat, one must undergo regular brushing and grrrrrrrrooming.    But I call it groaming.  Even though I have been brushed since I was a teenie, tiny puppy, brushing is NOT my favorite activity.  I’d MUCH rather do zoomies.   I know that some dogs are QUITE content to lie still and let their humans utilize a variety of tools to make them look “wonderful”  (those poodle guys take the cake) – but I would much rather squirm and groan my way through the entire process.  Well not ALL the time.  The key is to lie still and be quiet for a few minutes – and THEN your human will give you a treat!  At least mine does.  Then you do it again…for a few minutes.  And then another treat.  Don’t forget  to intersperse the quiet times with some moaning and groaning – just for effect.  The whole process can take like 12 hours.  Every two days.  OK.  So maybe I exaggerated that.  But sometimes it feels like that!

If we don’t do this tortuous brushing process on a regular basis we get these awful things called mats.  Mats are clumps of hair that stick together into a big wad – in all sorts of places – like behind our ears, between our toes, on our sides, between our front legs, behind our back legs and – get ready – around our PRIVATE areas.  Hey – it sounds like we can get them ANYWHERE – well – we ARE PONS.  Honestly, I don’t know how those guys who actually WORK with sheep and LIVE outdoors and aren’t groomed all the time can STAND the feel of those mats in their nether parts.  YOW!

I know that some PONs get their hair shaved off – and I must admit they look pretty cool.  But I’m an old fashioned kinda wild guy who likes the long-haired Woofstock look.  So I must endure the regular torture fest.

And if the brushing isn’t enough on my body and ears and tail (and nether parts) – I also have to endure the WORST thing EVER.  I have to let my human touch my FEET.  I hate when people touch my feet.  It’s not even about the whole nail cutting part – which I can’t even DISCUSS – but it’s about touching my FEET.  Frodo hates it too.  Actually, he was the one who told me I should hate it.  When I was a puppy and I went to Puppy Socialization class (now THAT’S fodder for another blog!) at the end of class we used to do this thing called “Pass the Puppy.”  All the humans and their puppies would sit on the floor in a big circle at the end of class.  And all the puppies would be passed to the different humans – to SUPPOSEDLY help us get used to other humans – and to being touched all over.  The first week I thought it was cool. I came home and told Frodo all about it.  He asked me “So what did you do when they touched your feet?”  “Nothing,” I said.  “WRONG.” said Frodo.  “Remember – you MUST do what I do…”

So the next week, I followed my older brother’s advice and did what he did.  I screamed bloody murder any time someone touched my feet.   Imagine the horrified look on the faces of all the humans.  For some reason – everyone wanted to pass me quickly.  Which actually was OK – because I got back to my Mom more quickly.  Did I ever mention that we PONs are pretty smart?!  : )

OK my canine companions – that’s it for my blog on groaming.  And if anyone asks you where you got that word – tell them you found it in Vik-ipedia!  
© 2014 Linda Wozniak

Wild thing

This morning, while my Mom was listening to the radio, a song came on – and she said “Viktor – that’s your theme song.”  The song?   Wild thing.

I guess I AM a wild kinda guy – because my ABSOLUTE favorite thing to do in the whole wide PONtastic world, besides eat, and chase rabbits, and eat, and bark at birds, and get treats, and eat, and welcome my Mom home, and go for car rides and lick Paxton, and eat, and retrieve toys, and eat, and welcome my Mom back after she has been in the bathroom is to……..DO ZOOMIES. 

I am a zoomie runner extraordinaire. What is a zoomie?  It’s when you run.  In circles.   As fast as you possibly can.  For no good reason other than the fact that you CAN!!!!!   I love the feel of my hair flying in the wind.  BUT I need to warn my canine companions that you DO need to be careful.  One time, I was zooming so fast, I hit the stone garden wall.  It knocked the wind out of me for 5 seconds (phew) and then I was off again!!  Sometimes Paxton will chase me when I am doing zoomies, and while the big guy DOES have a BIG stride, he is no match for my turns and darts.  And when we do this, my Mom goes, for some reason, and holds on to a tree…  Conrad, er Frodo just watches and shakes his head.  The ODD time he will join in – but he’s just not a zoomie kinda guy.  He’d rather read.

So my canine companions.  Give it a try.  Actually, I think our humans should give it a try too!  Picture that one!  And if you want to be safe…wear a helmet.

© 2014 Linda Wozniak

He ain’t heavy…

Hello blogettes.

Today my blog will be in the form of an interview with none other than my very own older brother, CFC Elite Can Ch Frodo du Domaine de Polana, CD, RA!

Viktor:  Good morning and thank you for taking the time to be with us today.

Frodo:  Mother, PLEASE, must I engage in this useless drivel?

Dog Mom:   Humor him.  There’s a biscuit in it for you when you are finished.

Viktor:  So Conrad, may I call you Conrad? 

Frodo:  My name is FRODO.  You know that!   Stop calling me Conrad.  Mother PLEASE???

Dog Mom:  Two biscuits.

Viktor:  So Frodo.  Tell me about ALL those letters around your name!

Frodo:  The prefixes represent titles in conformation and the suffixes represent titles in performance events.

Viktor:  Say what?

Frodo:  In your vernacular, the letters BEFORE my name are beauty pageant wins and the letters AFTER my name show that I am also smart, and obedient.  At least in the competition ring.

Viktor:  WOW!  That is so cool.  Can I do that?

Frodo:  Doubtful.  But you can try.

Viktor:  And what do you get for all those letters???

Frodo:  Ribbons.  The bigger, the better.  Sometimes you only get a flat little ribbon – which is fine.  But one prefers the BIG ribbons.

Viktor:  And how much do they cost?

Frodo:  Mother, am I done YET?

Dog Mom:  (glares)

Frodo:  (sighs)  The ribbons can cost a LOT of money.   Sometimes you get just a flat one and it will cost over $25.

Viktor:  $25?! For a flat little ribbon?!   I’m going to go to the Dollar Store and start making them myself.

Frodo:  You do that.

Viktor:  So Conrad, er Frodo, I understand that you have also tried sheepherding?  Why did you do that?

Frodo:  I am a Polish Lowland SHEEPDOG.  Mother thought it would be interesting for me to try it.

Viktor:  Tell us about it!

 Frodo:  It was fine.  You go in a pen with a flock of sheep and then you try to get them to go where your mother wants them to go.

Viktor:  So cool!!!!!!  Did it work???

Frodo:  I took extreme delight in attempting to ram the flock (pun intended) into mother’s knees.  Despite my obedient nature, I DO have a rather naughty side.

Viktor:  So cool!!!!  What else was cool about sheepherding?

Frodo:  The sheep leave an ever-ready supply of delectable little morsels around the pen, so if you are bored, you can stop for a treat.

Viktor:  That is so awesome!

Frodo:  Indeed.

Viktor:   Well thank you Frodo for sharing your story.  We would love to interview you again!!!!

Frodo:  Biscuits mother.

  © 2014 Linda Wozniak

Rainy days and PONdays

Morning blogettes.  I can’t say its a good one – I mean LOOK at my hair!  You guessed it – it is raining.  Hard.

Rain.  To be honest, rain has never REALLY bothered me.  But my brother Conrad, er Frodo – well that’s a different story.  Frodo hates the rain.  He even hates wet grass in the morning.  If he steps on it, he acts like he is stepping on hot coals.  Drama king.  When Mom opens the door to take us for our morning walk, and it is raining, he just stands in the doorway.  And does the SD. If we weren’t on leashes, he would NOT go out.

As I said, the rain doesn’t really bother me.  But Frodo said I should not like it – and since he’s my older brother, I figured I had better listen.  So here’s a scene for you to envision…

It’s dark out.  The sun isn’t up.  It’s pouring and windy.  My Mom is all decked out in raingear and boots – AND wearing a headlamp so people on the road can see us.  Safety first. Oh and we are also wearing raingearwhich I actually don’t mind. But more on fashion for another blog. So there is my Mom on the road with her headlamp in the gale force winds and torrential downpour, and behind her are two lumps of fur walking as if they are in a funeral march. Frodo said it is CRITICAL to walk as slowly as caninely possible. So I do.  And then, poop in the MIDDLE of the road and as Mom is fumbling for a poop bag, try to head home.  It’s tough because we are both on leashes, but no harm in trying! Oh and THEN when you ARE headed for home, you can go as FAST as possible.

What a Monday morning.  Good thing Paxton likes the rain…but then…he’s not a PON!

  © 2014 Linda Wozniak

Having a wheelie good time

One more post…Mom said I can’t JUST have pictures of me on this blog – although it IS my blog, so I don’t know WHY I have to share…But she does own the laptop. 

I think the title is kinda corny – Paxton picked it. I liked Dirt Devil Kings…or Gardening Gods…or Planes, Trains and Wheelbarrows…or The Three Mulchketeers…but Mom said after calling him Bucket Head in my first post (and my second) – I had to let HIM pick the title.

So here ya go.  That’s me in the middle.  The blogger  : ) 

  © 2014 Linda Wozniak

Day two and in trouble already

OK. OK.  So I am ALREADY in trouble with this blog thing.  My Mom was NOT happy about me calling Paxton a Bucket Head.  Seriously?  He has a BIG head!  OK.  I know he IS the oldest – and I should respect him.  Maybe I’m just a LITTLE jealous because HE gets to go on PRIVATE walks with Mom while I have to go with Conrad…er Frodo.  Alright.  I’ll be NICE in the future.  Maybe….

So blogettes.  Here is my first ever human obedience lesson.  And trust me. I AM an expert.

Your first lesson – which I have used already this morning, is the SD.  The Stare Down.  There are several variations of this technique – but I’ll begin with just one for today. Here we go…. It is the weekend.  Your human may have the day off.  He or she is sleeping – because he or she has turned off the alarm.  It is almost the time when your human SHOULD be getting up for work.  Now begin your SD.  Sit VERY, VERY close to the head of your human.  And stare at him/her.  Some would think that with our shaggy appearance, we PONs don’t see anything.  But trust me – we do.  Anyway, stare at your human.  And if you are like Bucket Head, er Paxton, you can also breathe a bit more heavily.  Now if you are REALLY good at this technique, your human will wake up.  But keep in mind that some humans figure out the SD.  So they will open just one eye to see if you are there.  Watch for that eye.  And begin to stare harder.  Then as soon as your human moves even a muscle, you MUST jump on them – partly to help them get up more quickly.   I LOVE life and I LOVE beginning the new day – so I also jump just for joy!  On my human.  

I will give you other variations of the SD in future blogs.  Like the SD while your human is eating.  Or the SD at the treat jar.  Or one of my favorites – the SD at a window.  At night.  That’s a fun one to freak out your human!

So those of you canines who are reading this while your human sleeps – go try it out!  With a little practice, you will be Viktor-ious! 

  © 2014 Linda Wozniak

Hello world!!!!

Viktor here.  Allow me to introduce myself.  I am Viktor.  Viktor of the North.  Well actually, Viktor of Nova Scotia – but Viktor of the North sounds a bit more intriguing – and kind of Viking like…although my breed came from Poland…which had no Vikings…so…heck.  I’m just Viktor.
After much deliberation, I have decided to start my own blog.  Why – you are no doubt asking?  Well…for a number of wonderful reasons.  Allow me to outline them for you:
1.  In my quick internet search I have found no other Polish Lowland Sheepdog who has his own blog.  Well OK.  I didn’t REALLY search that far – but I doubt there are any from Nova Scotia.
2.  I am an incredibly intelligent breed – and I NEED to do something in my spare time.
3.  I am funny, crafty and oh-so-smart – so I have much to share with my fellow canine companions about how to train humans.
4.  My human mother thinks I am incredibly funny – so she encouraged me to share my thoughts.  Although she DID say I also had to talk about my “brothers” – Frodo, another Polish Lowland Sheepdog and Paxton, a Bernese Mountain Dog.  Frodo REALLY should have been called Conrad.  I mean he’s great and all that – but a bit TOOOO serious for me.  When I told him I was starting a blog, he just rolled his eyes.  And Paxton, well what can you say about a guy whose nickname is Bucket Head?  He sure is handsome…and he CAN pull a cart.  But seriously – when you have to show him how to get through a screen door that is half open…well…let’s just leave it at that.
5.  My Mom said we could do several things today – start a blog.  Or wash the kitchen floor.  I opted for the blog thing. Oh and did I mention I have the BEST Mom in the WORLD?  Oh and yeah – she helps me type on her laptop.  Although if she would just buy me an iPawd I could do this on my own.
So that’s my intro folks.  I don’t know if I will be posting EVERY day – but I’ll try to keep you updated about my adventures fairly often.  And my training tips for how to have a well behaved human will be QUITE often.  I’m a PRO at human obedience.  Seriously. 

© 2014 Linda Wozniak