Hey everybody- it’s me – Squirmy! Also known as Captain Chaos. Yup. I keep things hopping around here. And yesterday, My Enforcer looked at me and said “Do you know what the letters P-O-N stand for? In your case – Pest Or Nuisance!!!!”

Yup I was in the doghouse yesterday. But it REALLY wasn’t my fault. I didn’t get a walk in the morning. All because of some stupid thunder and lightning and rain. So without my walk, I had double the energy to burn…

It all began when My Enforcer was trying to eat breakfast. First I got into a jumping and wrestling match with the Coyote. When we nearly knocked over a lamp – My Enforcer told us to knock it off. So I moved on to my next victim. The Boss. Lately I have decided that I really don’t like his hairdo. So, at every chance I get, I try to rearrange the hair on his head. And ok, around his neck too. And I’ll try other body parts if he’ll let me. Yesterday though, he was cranky because he got wet in the rain, and every time I tried to fix his hair, he would grumble at me. My Enforcer said to leave him alone. But the urge to fix that coiffure was too much. I tried again, and again the Boss grumbled. My Enforcer warned me again in that slightly louder and more annoyed voice that she has when I don’t listen the first time – and when she hasn’t had enough coffee. After my third styling attempt and a louder grumble from the Boss, guess who ended up in his crate? Yup. Vidal PONsoon.

After My Enforcer finished breakfast, she announced that since it was a crappy day, it was PERFECT for grooming. And guess who her first subject was? Yup – yours truly. I’m just over 13 months and holy biscuit – my coat is wild lately. I must be getting a big boy coat or something, because all you need to do is look at me, and I mat! And it’s not like I didn’t just have a good brushing on the weekend!!! So we went into the grooming palace aka garage and My Enforcer turned on a fan and opened the garage door – to keep us both cool. It took just over an hour to smooth me out.

Next it was The Boss’ turn. He took off when she went to get him. The deck door was open – BUT it was raining. He was between a rock and a hard place – rain or grooming. She pretty much had to put a leash on him and drag him into the garage.

That’s when My Enforcer REALLY saw the results of my styling work. The Boss was one giant mat around his neck, on the top of his head and on his face. OK maybe it wasn’t THAT bad – but enough that My Enforcer let out an anguished cry when she examined him closely. And again – it’s not like he wasn’t brushed for a month – he was brushed last weekend too!!!! Now I’m not bad when it comes to grooming – but we all know that the drama king moans and groans and pants throughout the brush-a-thon. Mind you he INSTANTLY stops every time he gets a treat – which is pretty frequently.

After that hour and a half marathon, she brought the easy-care Picard in. He needed his nails dremeled and he needed a brushing too. And then, My Enforcer announced – “you kinda stink. I think you need a bath.” Poor dude. He got the full spa treatment. Although he’s pretty cooperative.

So after over 3.5 hours of brushing, wrestling and bathing, we were all done. My Enforcer announced that she needed another coffee. And maybe a nap. I suppose, at that point, it wasn’t super wise of me to start trying to restyle The Boss’ hair. “Aggghhhhhh” My Enforcer shouted. No then I think she said something about “escaping from this institution” for the rest of the day. She didn’t really go anywhere. It was just her being a Drama Queen. We know where The Boss gets it from.

No rain in the forecast today – so I’ll get a good walk!!!! Something tells me that will be good for EVERYONE.

Have a good one. Peace and paws up. Stay safe.

World Pet Memorial Day

Salutations blog readers. Frodo here. In the balmy Maritimes. Yes – summer has arrived before the official “date.” We cannot blame the groundhog for this early arrival – he is only “responsible” for Spring forecasts. If one believes a prognosticating rodent. But I digress.

It is very warm here. And there are two weather phenomena that this PON does not appreciate – rain. And heat. I’m a cool, dry kind of dog.

These days we find ourselves losing our hearing by the minute. Due to the fans working at high speed in every room. No. We do not have air conditioning. Yes. You may feel sorry for me. But not to worry too much – as I do plant myself in front of each fan as I move from room to room.

Today according to the Crazy Calendar is something called World Pet Memorial Day. A day to think fondly of those pets who completed their roles on earth, and have gone to the Rainbow Bridge. The reason for this day is not meant to be sad, but to be thankful for having the privilege of being owned by those pets in the first place – no matter how long the time. And it’s key not to focus on the time – because let’s be truthful- it’s never, ever, ever long enough.

Her Highness’ first dog (when living away from home) was Barney – a terrier-cross who she adopted from the SPCA. He was labeled “the biter” and he wore his label proudly. He and Her Highness learned to respect each other – and he taught her a great deal about patience. That was back in the day when she fed him a diet of what would be considered junk food today, and she had him vaccinated every single year. He failed obedience classes miserably, although he was an extremely smart dog. And yes- he bit her on more than one occasion. But he had an alter ego that WAS sweet and loving. Despite his diet of simulated food made mostly of colored grain and corn – in the shape of beef patties, and the application of “toxic vaccines and flea and tick medications” he lived to 17.5…. He probably taught her more than any dog ever has…

The other canine crew included four Bernese Mountain Dogs – Schubert, Guinness, Harper and Paxton. That tri-colored crew introduced her to the world of dog shows, obedience, rally, draft and even an agility. As well, Her Highness became involved in Drill Team with her Berners – which included visitations to nursing homes and small groups. Her Highness still thinks it was one of the most rewarding things she did with her dogs. Each Swiss bear was different- but each was a loving, lovable companion.

There was the Labrador, Beamish, who introduced Her Highness to field work. And dogs who like to eat poop. Not one of his most endearing qualities. But there was a dog whose tail never stopped wagging. He was a happy-go-lucky kind of guy. All the time.

And last but not least there was Viktor… the dog who is responsible for you reading our adventures today. Crazy, rabbit-chasing, wild Viktor. Sometimes I think that Viktor has returned – there are tremendous similarities between him and the imp…..with a bit of devil thrown in for good measure.

So today take a moment to remember those who dogs have fulfilled their duties on earth. I suppose it’s rather ironic that there is a “day” devoted to this – as I dare say, most humans do not need to be reminded to cherish those memories. They do so almost every day….

“No longer by my side but forever in my heart.”

Have a good one. Peace and paws up. Stay safe.

Back to class

Howdy doody blogaroos! Happy Sunday! It’s the Squirmster report today! I hope you’re having a waggy tail kind of day. I sure am!

So yesterday- I went back to school. Well, not the full class. This was a one-on-one session with my favorite teacher, Jane. My Enforcer said it was a remedial class. Because I need remedial work. Whatever that means.

Anyway, I think back to the first day I met Jane when I was just a little guy. I was kinda shy and nervous. Now I jump on her – AND if she starts walking like she’s doing heel work, I go right next to her and join in!

Even though we’ve kinda been on a training hiatus with the COVID, I remembered everything I needed to do. PLUS – My Enforcer told Jane I needed help with my dumbbell- because I drop it before I return with it. I heard her telling Jane about the problems I was having. So guess what – I did my favorite thing- I proved her wrong! I did my dumbell retrieve just fine. My Enforcer just looked at me. I just wanted to prove her wrong and show off for Jane. Score!

The other guys were annoyed when I got home. My Enforcer had to give them extra treats to keep them happy. Mind you, none of us were happy for very long. Why? The deck ordeal. What’s the deck ordeal? Well. We have this deck. And before My Enforcer bought this house, the previous owner painted it. So. Every year it needs a touch up. And then every couple of years it needs a MAJOR touch up. We’re talking scraping and sanding and lots of four letter words. We dogs did a pretty good job of scraping some of it – like at the top of the stairs. And we COULD help scrape more if we were “allowed” to. But no. We just have to watch My Enforcer with her sander, moving back and forth. Up and down. Side to side. It sounds like she has a pattern – but she doesn’t. No wonder she ends up dizzy after a couple of hours.

After the sanding will come the painting. I can’t WAIT for that!! I think my paws would look cool in a rust color.

I’m not really sure why she’s going through all this torture. I mean within 24 hours if it being finished, one of us will pee on it, and somebody else will scrape off some paint. Seems like another one of those pointless two-legged tasks. Like vacuuming. Hello? You have dogs. Just ignore the fuzz.

Today I’m going out AGAIN! I’m going for a walk with my girlfriend, Gina. She hasn’t seen me in so long- I hope she remembers me. Just kidding. We all know I’m unforgettable.

Oh. Before I end – did you SEE this video that went viral – of a girl saving her dogs from a bear?! Check it out:

Holy biscuits that’s one cranky bear! And that girl was sure…..I’m not sure what the right word is. Brave? Or crazy. My Enforcer said that if we encounter a bear like that, don’t count on her pushing it. Mind you, I doubt a bear would be walking on our wire fence.

OK. Gotta go get brushed so I look good for Gina.

Have a good one. Peace and paws up. Stay safe.

Mr Bossy Bold Pants

Yo. Blogees. Elroy here. Ready to roll into another weekend. But really, since Her Highness retired, every day is a weekend. Mind you, her work productivity is less. But – who am I to say anything? My idea of work is actually bringing back a fetch toy.

Speaking of which, I kinda blew it the other day when it was my turn to play. Her Highness had taken each of the mops out, one at a time to do some “training.” The Boss doesn’t really need it – but Captain Chaos can certainly use it. Anyway, she decided to break out the REAL training crack – cheese strings. Even I can’t pass up one of those soft yellow-orange worm-shaped wonders. The mops go out of their minds when the lanky fromage is removed from its wrapping.

So each of them had a training turn – and then it was my turn. Not to train – but to play with Her Highness. She got a couple pieces of crack, gave the mops some kibble to keep them quiet for 10 seconds, and took me outside. The plan was to “play fetch.” At least that was HER plan. But before we began, she noticed someone had left a “monument” in the yard. She didn’t want me running through it – so she took a bag out of the ever-present supply in her dog pants pocket, and scooped up the poop. Meanwhile, yours truly was wandering around the yard aimlessly. And I was getting bored waiting. After her clean up, she excitedly showed me the crack. Cool. She had a bumper toy and she wound up and gave it a throw. I got ALL excited, practically leaped out of my skin and raced to get it. Grabbed that toy, turned around – and ran straight back up the steps and to the deck door. Her Highness repeatedly called to me – but it’s not like I listen. Cheese strings or no cheese strings – I do not like the fetch game. But we all know I could change my mind tomorrow. Picard rules. It’s also that intermittent reinforcement – you KNOW she’ll try again. She trudged up the steps and just looked at me. “Good thing you’re cute” she said as she opened the deck door.

Plus I have a story about Captain Chaos. You know, sometimes he walks around this place like he owns it. He’s all bold and full of himself. Sometimes The Boss and I need to remind him that he’s Number 3 on the seniority list.

Anyway, yesterday morning, he was out on the trail for his morning constitutional, when suddenly a neighbor came into view on the trail, coming toward him. Well, Mr Bossy Bold Pants had to do the whole mop mania thing where you bark and pull like Cujo. Her Highness moved to the side, and did the aPONology (that’s the apology PON owners give to people when the mop mania is displayed). The woman just smiled and said “have a nice walk.” After she passed by, puffy pants finished his grumbling and continued on his walk – all proud of his brave persona.

They walked quite a way and turned around to come home. Now I should mention he’s on a long leash – so as not to do any exploration in tick-ville aka the woods. There were puddles on the trail after all of our recent rain. As they were walking, Her Highness unintentionally kicked a pebble and it landed in a puddle with a kerploop. Well. Mr. Bossy Bold Pants didn’t know WHERE the kerploop came from. I think he thought there was some kind of Loch Ness monster in the puddle. He leaped off the trail and got his leash tangled around a tree. He stood there strangling himself and looking like he had been shot at. He kept eyeing the scary puddle. Her Highness released his leash from his collar in order to untangle the leash from the tree. She looked at him and said “Seriously? It was a rock in the puddle!” She shook her head at him, hooked him back up and continued on their walk. He had to give the puddle one last look over his shoulder to be sure Nessie wasn’t emerging. So while Mr Big Dog thinks he’s all mature and independent, there’s still some puppy behind all the fuzz….So we’ll continue to cut mini mop some slack – for a little while anyway.

Speaking of walks, it’s about time for mine.

Have a good one. Peace and paws up. Stay safe.

The choir

Good Wednesday blogaroos. Squirmy here on a finally sunny day. It seems we’ve had lots of rainy, foggy mornings lately – meaning our walks are short or we end up getting a longer daily bath than usual. Well – our feet and legs get a “bath.” And part of our bellies. So it’s a half bath.

Ah yes- our morning walks…

In our latest morning routine, yours truly goes first, followed by the Boss and then the Coyote. And all is peaceful in the household when the Boss goes out. It’s peaceful because he’s gone. When he’s left with me, or the Coyote, he barks to tell the missing party to hurry up. The whole time we’re gone. Now he doesn’t bark when My Enforcer drives away somewhere. And if she’s in the yard working, he’s quiet. But when it comes to walk time- well he never shuts up! I think he’s shouting to get us to hurry up so he can have his breakfast. When he’s left with me, while the Coyote is out, I sometimes make it a duet.

My Enforcer doesn’t want us shouting out directives now that summer is almost here – and our windows will be open. Even though it’s not like we live in the city and our neighbors are right next door, the sound of the PONdemonium does carry. She could give us our frozen Kongs, but then she would have no peace while she’s eating her breakfast. A Bullystick could keep us busy – but if we ate a bully stick every day, she’d be in the poorhouse. So yesterday she had this “brilliant” idea. She would spread/hide bits of kibble all over the downstairs rec room, and in the kitchen and dining room. And that would keep us busy and quiet.

So she got a handful of kibble and tossed some around the dining room; then she went downstairs to spread/hide the rest. That was her first mistake because while she was downstairs, we ate all the stuff upstairs.

So then she came up and opened the gate at the top of the stairs. We immediately ran downstairs. All three of us.

“No – Elroy- no!!!” she shouted. Too late. He suddenly thought “find the kibble” was a GREAT game. This is coming from a dog who thinks food is overrated. He’s busy vacuuming up kibble with us PONs when she runs downstairs. She shouts “come on Elroy- we have to get out of here!” He runs upstairs, she latches his leash and as they are ready to close the door behind them, I’m already finished downstairs and checking for leftovers in the dining room. “AGGGHHHHHH” she screams. By the time we hit the road, she can hear the faint shouting of The Boss.

Dogs 1 Human 0.

Hey did you know that on this day in 1953, Queen Elizabeth II celebrated her coronation! So she’s been at the same job for 68 years! Holy biscuit that’s a long time. The other day My Enforcer was looking for something and found this book – that she didn’t even know she had. We always knew the Queen was a dog lover and it obviously started when she was young. I’ll share a few photos from the book – in honor of her big day. I’m sure she’ll enjoy them because she no doubt reads this blog.

I would have sent a coronation card, but I couldn’t find one.

OK. Time to hit the trail!

Have a good one. Peace and paws up. Stay safe.