Viktorsviews. The Next Chapter.

SNOW day!

January 27, 20151 Comment

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Which made me think -I have another new job possibility for me. Weatherman. Seriously. I COULD do the job. As I see it, you open the door, and look out. If Frodo won’t go out, it’s raining. If Paxton and I DASH out – it’s snowing. If we ALL race out, it’s sunny. No point in guessing what will happen the next day – you are never right. Unless of course you deliver a forecast like this one: Sunny with cloudy periods with a chance of rain or snow. That about covers all the bases. And really, who are the weather people accountable to? It’s not like somebody is going to sue them because it rains on their picnic.

Really. I want that job. Your roving rePONter weatherman. Delivering Vik-advisories. I like the sound of it…where do I sign up?

But first, I get to hang out with my human today! And we’ll create our OWN storm – indoors! Stay warm and dry and safe everyone – wherever you are!

Arguing…

January 26, 20151 Comment

OK. I’m learning that I shouldn’t copy EVERYTHING that Frodo does…like arguing….

Yesterday my human had another one of her “great” ideas – she decided she was going to teach us a new skill. I’ll save the details of the skill for a little while – she wants to see if she can teach us it, before she talks about our brilliance. Or lack thereof.

So she started with me. And a clicker. And a pile of treats. My head exploded. I couldn’t calm down enough to do ANYTHING. I JUST WANTED THOSE TREATS. And I kept offering EVERY behavior I knew. Without using my brain at ALL. So my human decided to give me a break – and have me watch while she worked with Frodo. Now Frodo is fairly easy to train. He’s pretty smart. But if he is NOT sure what to do – he argues – by barking. Actually, he barks whenever he is asked to do anything. “Sit” – he barks. “Stay” – he barks. He performs the behavior but he basically has a “comment” about everything. At which point, my human tells him to “be quiet – and LISTEN.” And then he WILL be quiet. For about 30 seconds. But despite his argumentative behavior, he still learned the new task. Mission somewhat accomplished with Frodo. At least Part 1 of the mission.

So then my human decided to try with me again – because I had been watching the proceedings though the French doors in the other room. Well. I saw that Frodo argues – so I tried it too. I would spin and bark and sit and bark and lie down and bark and do EVERYTHING BUT the requested behavior. And the addition of the barking – well – let’s just put it this way – our training session ended up being rather shortened.

By the time my human finished with me – she was too exhausted to even ATTEMPT to train Pax. She went over to the treat jar, pulled out a handful, and just GAVE ALL of them to him just for sitting on command! Lucky guy. I want to be last in line next time!!

Perhaps the “O” in PON REALLY stands for obstinate? : ) Nah – “Prodigy” Of “Nonconformity”. That’s me. Viktor – the PON.

We WON the lottery!

January 25, 20154 Comments

We won the lottery!!! Really – we did!!

My human doesn’t buy lottery tickets very often. A couple times a year. She’ll buy one when the jackpot has grown to some INCREDIBLE size – and the chances of winning are like one in 62 gazillion.

Anyway, when my human buys a ticket, the cashier will ask a whole bunch of questions about what she wants. There are so many extras you have to decide that it’s like purchasing a car. Do you want this add-on? That add-on? My human doesn’t know what they all mean so she just says “yes” and the ticket ends up costing something like $82. Well – maybe not THAT much – but somehow what starts out as a $1 chance increases significantly by the end of the purchase.

Then, my human sticks the ticket in her purse, or wallet and usually forgets about it. Sometimes she will go to check it – and find out that it expired last year. Very smart move.

Anyway, it seems my human bought a ticket at the beginning of December. 2014. And she actually went to check it on-line. If you get all 7 numbers – you win like 100 million. As my human looked at the numbers, she saw she had 1 number. 2 numbers. 3 numbers. 4…FOUR numbers. Holy moly. 4 out of 7 MUST be worth something. I pictured another new dog bed. More toys. Some special treats…

Yes. We won the lottery. $20. Whooo-hooo. Big deal. Now don’t get me wrong. Something IS better than nothing. But something tells me that if you subtract the cost of the ticket, and the other odd tickets my human bought in 2014… Well what have I said about humans not being so smart? More evidence!

Another Vik-Advisor

January 24, 2015Leave a Comment

The 10 minute dog sitter. How much would most humans pay to have someone or SOMETHING, entertain their dog for 10 minutes? $18. That’s what my human paid for the Orbee-Tuff Snoop Interactive toy made by Planet Dog http://www.planetdog.com

I believe I mentioned before that my human bought this for us as a guilt gift while she was away last week. And I talked about how each of us has a different method for getting out the treats. But today I want to seriously talk about the Snoop in a Vik-Advisor review.

I LOVE it. It keeps Frodo and I entertained for at LEAST 10 minutes. Each. My human can’t let us BOTH use it at the same time in the house because she DOES value her furniture and walls. With both of us vying for the treats in the Snoop…well…it might not be pretty. So we EACH do it separately. We take turns. And while one plays with it – the other one barks….

The Snoop is made of soft rubber – so it would NOT be good to leave us alone with it. We would, no doubt, figure out a way to destroy it. But if a human monitors – it is a PERFCT toy to entertain. Frodo has somehow figured out how to get out EVERY last piece of kibble. I’m not THAT patient. But I do OK.

The only downside – is for BIG dogs like Paxton. He WOULD destroy it in NO time – even with someone watching – and he has figured out how to stick his tongue in the hole where the treats go in – and he can get them out that way. So he is not allowed to use the Snoop – he uses the Pyramid for entertainment.

Because the Snoop is made of soft rubber, it DOES pick up every piece of dog hair it rolls over – so in our house if you have not vacuumed for 2 minutes before you use it, it will be covered in dog hair. We don’t care – but our human is kind of grossed out by it.

All in all, I would still give this toy 4 PAWS. The main reason it doesn’t get 5 is ultimate durability and the hair factor. The cool thing, my tail NEVER stops wagging while I am using it! But then…my tail is USUALLY wagging – I’m just a happy-go-licky kind of guy!

Enjoy your Saturday! I will!

Planet of the Apes…

January 23, 2015Leave a Comment

My human doesn’t watch much TV. Every now and then, she will go into the Rec room (which is really short for WRECK room if we boys are there), she will remove the furniture that is ON the sofa, (which is piled on to keep us from dragging the cushions off and destroying them) and she will attempt to make herself comfortable. Attempt is the key word. First off, I will try to get on the sofa – which I usually do. Then, it’s Paxton’s turn and he attempts to lay RIGHT ON TOP of our human. Picture that one. Frodo doesn’t usually go on the sofa – he would rather wedge himself behind or under some other furniture and pretend he is hiding.

We MAY allow our human to watch something for a LITTLE while – but we DO remind her that she SHOULD be petting us at the same time. Or we will stare at her. Or bark. No wonder she doesn’t watch much TV…

A little while ago, my human had a good friend visiting – and they decided to rent a movie – Planet of the Apes. They moved the necessary furniture and got as comfortable as they could be with a 100 lb. Bernese sharing the sofa. Frodo hid himself in the corner. And I decided to practice some curtouflage (n. the method of attempting to avoid detection by hiding behind curtains. Despite the fact that our humans can still see us…..we like to THINK we are invisible…). We were all set. And THEN the movie began. We boys generally do not pay attention to the TV – unless of course there is a dog barking on the screen. Otherwise, we couldn’t care less. But this movie – well I have to tell you, I was ENTRANCED. SERIOUSLY entranced. And not for like 15 seconds – we are talking MINUTES. Which is like hours in dog time. Those monkeys fascinated me. I watched and watched. My human even took a picture of me watching – it’s a bit fuzzy – but you get the idea.

The other boys didn’t even watch for one second – but me – well I have no idea why that movie was not nominated for an Academy Award. It was amazing what they trained those monkeys to do.

After a while, my attention wandered and I had a snooze. But every now and then, I would wake up and watch. I want my human to rent it again – but she’s not interested. She told me she doesn’t want me to watch it again and get any crazy ideas about animals taking over the world. Doesn’t she realize – we already HAVE in our house?!

FRODO gets busted

January 19, 2015Leave a Comment

The truth comes out. Remember how I mentioned that our good behavior record, while our human was away, was tarnished by the screen door – with the hole in it? And remember how I admitted guilt in the crime? Well. Guess what? It WASN’T me – and the criminal was CAUGHT!

You see, Frodo did it – but convinced me to act as the scapegoat, because, well I usually AM the one who does something bad! He promised me some kibble and I fell for it. BUT – he was exposed as the culprit when my human went to groom us when she got back from her trip…

Grooming me is generally not a difficult task. But Frodo? Mr. “Good Behavior”? Not so much when it comes to grooming. It’s like a scene out of a wrestling match at the Olympics. With all of the grunting and groaning included – most of which is done by my human. Anyway – as my human was brushing Frodo, she came across what she THOUGHT was a mat. She carefully pulled it out of Frodo’s back leg and then took a closer look. The MAT was made of metal. Hmmmmmmm. She looked at it more closely. Velcro? No. A scrub brush? No. It was screening from the door!!!! And not only did she find ONE piece stuck in his coat – she found TWO! Busted.

Haha big brother. Guess you’re not such a big deal after all. But. Can I still have that kibble?

Welcome home. Again.

January 19, 20152 Comments


A shot taken after 2 hours of grooming and 5 minutes of racing around.

Day one after our human returns. And it started out BRILLIANTLY – from my point of view. But maybe not from my human’s…

My human went to church early on Sunday morning. She goes to church and prays that we don’t drive her insane. Sometimes God listens …and sometimes…well remember what “God” is, spelled backwards.

She came home and decided she should push off the light dusting of snow from our 10 mile long driveway with a shovel. OK – maybe it’s not 10 miles – but it still was going to take more than 2 minutes. So. She decided she would let Frodo and I out to play in the yard while she pushed snow around. If you ask me, shoveling is a waste of time – it will melt in the spring anyway. But then, I don’t drive a car…

So Frodo and I were released to play. My human can’t let Paxton out on his own if she’s busy because he invariably takes off in the woods – to get away from us PON brothers. Our human figured she would take him for a walk when she was finished.

So Frodo and I were romping in the snow – and then the next thing you know, my human noticed we were gone. She continued to play with the snow shovel and after a few minutes started wondering WHERE we were. So she called us. No PONs. And she called again. No PONs. She was JUST about ready to head into the woods when she heard the telltale crashing of branches. And out of the woods came Frodo. With me racing behind. With SOMETHING in my mouth. Of course I took a WIDE route around my human – so she couldn’t tell what it was – and promptly dropped my bounty in the snow. And began to chew at it. “Hey” shouted my human. “Put that down. Viktor – DROP IT!” I know that frantic sounding voice so as she approached I dropped my treasure. What was it? Rib bones. “Ewwwwwww, said my human, give me those!!!!!” They were pretty frozen but still had some meat on them. My human couldn’t figure out WHAT they were from. Probably too big for a rabbit. She immediately threw my treasure in the trash. “Yuck,” she said.

The trash can lid closed at which point I looked at Frodo and he looked at me – and off we dashed back into the woods – before our human could grab us. We could hear her loud “UUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!” and the shouting of our names. She called and called. I figured I had better go back, so I did. “Mr. Good Behavior” was still gone. My human shouted his name – and then she heard him coming. He emerged from the woods – and you guessed it – HE was carrying another bone. Which my human quickly pulled from his mouth. “That’s IT” she said – and the two of us were marched back into the house while she finished playing in the snow.

Poor Paxton missed all the excitement. Now my human is afraid to let any of us off leash – because she doesn’t know what ELSE it out there. She tried to follow our tracks back into the woods to see where we got the snacks – but the trees were too dense. If she would just let me out – I would show her. Maybe.

Well, I guess she didn’t pray hard enough at church…Welcome home my favorite human!

Life returns to "normal"

January 18, 2015Leave a Comment

Looking a bit disheveled after bashing around our new toy

She’s back. Our human is home. Our household has returned to normal. Well – that’s probably not a good word – because we are FAR from normal. I should say “normal for us.”

As expected, Frodo barked incessantly when she got home. He just stood and barked at her. For 2 hours. OK. Maybe not that long. But it felt like it. I kept trying to get close to her – but Paxton kept getting in my way. We were all very happy she was home – although we do love our sitter.

And we ALMOST had a completely A+ behavior record for the week. ALMOST. There was just a small incident with the screen door that goes out to the deck. Again. This has happened before. Our dogsitter let us out there one day in the sunshine and she went back in the house for a few minutes. OK. I admit it. It was my idea. I just wanted to try some of my own remodeling. A new entryway. Other than that…we were VERY good.

My human brought us some good guilt gifts – some YUMMY biscuits – AND a new toy!!!!!! It is sooooooo cool. It’s called a Snoop. It dispenses treats kind of like our Pyramid. But it’s made of soft rubber. Each of us got to try it and each of us has our own method for getting those treats out. Paxton kept batting it around with his paw. All around the room. He was extremely productive in getting those treats. Frodo used his nose to push it everywhere. He would use his paw if it was stuck somewhere – but mostly used his nose. And me? I kept picking it up and dropping it – so the treats would go flying everywhere. Bam. Bash. Out popped those treats. It’s interesting how we all used different techniques.

We all crashed early after the whole reunion-excitement thing. Today we plan to torment our human, er… I mean show our human how much we missed her by following her EVERYWHERE. Like velcro. Bad velcro…We’ll be there…count on it!

Have a good one – I know we will!

Rumor has it…

January 17, 2015Leave a Comment

Today’s the day. Our human is due back today!!!!! We can’t wait to see her!! And the guilt gifts. Rumor has it there may be another new interactive toy AND some treats.

Frodo will probably ignore her when she comes in as if to say “where WERE you?” Paxton will try to knock her over and I’ll just jump up and down. And I’ll try to break into her suitcase to get the gifts. Now to stay well-behaved until she gets in…

© 2015 Linda Wozniak

Classes?!

January 16, 2015Leave a Comment

Another day. And more good behavior. This is just about killing me. I HOPE the guilt gifts are good.

And if it wasn’t hard enough being good while our human was away – I JUST saw an e-mail that my human got. Yes. I confess. I have been looking at her e-mail. But this e-mail affects ME! It seems I am going to be starting some OBEDIENCE classes next week. And WHY was I not consulted about this?! And WHY me? OK. Don’t answer that one – it’s obvious why I am going. Oh just THINK about the blog stories ahead.

I think the obedience interest may be because our Kennel Club has one of its big shows and trials weekend coming up in February. And my human figures that since the show site is 5.8 minutes from our house we SHOULD enter something. But the jury is out – beauty pageant or brains – conformation or obedience. Decisions. Decisions. “Beauty pageant” means TONS of grooming. And “brains” means TONS of training. I vote that Frodo be in both. And Paxton and I stay home. But I think our human may have other things in mind….