Beauty pageant class

Howdy blogaroos. Squirmy here. So you know that old saying: Practice makes perfect? Well did you know there’s a second part to the quote? Practice makes perfect and no practice makes a wild dog in an outdoor conformation handling class even MORE wild. That’s the second part.

Yup. It was back to beauty pageant classes for yours truly yesterday. Whooooeeeee. Just picture it. An outdoor class. A sunny but super windy day. A bunch of dogs I never met before, except for my girlfriend, Gina. Who they said (which I don’t understand) was just coming out of her season. What season? Spring? Christmas? I don’t know- but she sure smelled different. Add to that a guy who has not practiced for a beauty pageant in months. And the result is ….Captain Chaos adventures.

But wait – you need to know what happened BEFORE we got to class. So My Enforcer took me and The Boss on the trail in the morning. Big mistake. We BOTH ended up with muddy feet. So she figures she’ll just have to rinse us off – especially me – since I’m going to beauty pageant class. Well that’s all fine. Until we walk down the driveway on the way home. And I discover that some bird- make that some LARGE bird (probably a pheasant) OBVIOUSLY ate something that didn’t “agree with him” and had a very messy poop in the middle of our driveway. And before she could say “no stop!!!!” Yours truly did the drop and roll in the poop puddle. Yup. It was awesome.

So what should have been a simple foot rinse, became a full shampoo. And blow dry of course. All before breakfast.

Anyway, I arrive at the training place (after an hour drive) and well… my brain exploded. When asked to run around the ring, I was like a hummingbird who drank too much nectar from a cannabis plant. Do cannabis plants have flowers? I don’t know – but you get the picture. My Enforcer had to grip onto my lead with all her might. And if you think I’m exaggerating, I can send you photos of the blister on her finger from gripping my leash throughout the class. I am NOT joking. She had me in a death grip. Probably because if I wasn’t running like I was being chased by a grizzly or trying to sniff the dog in front of me (or behind me), I was rolling in the grass. At one point I just plopped down….

And when she tried to move me, I decided to play “sack of potatoes” – and I didn’t move. She didn’t get a picture of me lying on my side. At one point I also did the bucking bronco routine like a dog who has never worn a leash. That was pretty.

Our teacher is very patient, and tries to be so positive, despite my less than stellar performance. We KNOW he must be holding back the urge to roll his eyes when I race around like a ballon that has a hole in it. There are some AWESOME dogs in our class – some who have actually won big ribbons!! BIG ribbons. I should just see if My Enforcer could buy some – it would save both of us a whole lot of trouble.

The great news is we signed up for 4 weeks of this entertainment! Seriously- they should be paying me for the comic relief. Now I get why the Coyote found this kinda boring. On the other hand, The Boss did well at this beauty pageant stuff. But he’s a bit more serious about stuff like this. I’d rather roll in pheasant poop.

Tonight I go back to Rally Class! Let’s hope My Enforcer finds better treats than yesterday. Freeze dried beef just didn’t cut it…

Good thing I’m cute…

Have a good one. Peace and paws up. Stay safe.