Mud and misery

Greetings blog readers. Frodo here. On this miserable Monday. Well, I suppose the WHOLE day will not be miserable – as it should improve as the day goes on. But right now we are living with the after-effects of a rather large snowstorm that raged on through the night. Last night, when it came time for our last nightly pee, all of us basically christened an area not 6 feet from the front door. It was wild out. Snow. Wind. I believe it’s called winter.

Anyway, Her Highness had some medical appointment booked today at a hospital an hour from here. Needless to say, she had to cancel. We hope to be accessible to the outside world by March.

Interestingly, before the snowmageddon began, we had rather mild temperatures. And as a result, yours truly suffered from a horrible experience- one that will no doubt traumatize me for months, even years to come. I feel compelled to share this horrible story with you- as you do need to know what really goes on in our lives. Sometimes I think of putting an ad in the local paper for a new home. It all began during our morning constitutional…

I was walking with the Beatnik and Her Highness on our dead end road. Her Highness had announced that we would simply go up and down the road, as there had been rain, and mild temperatures- so we would stay on the road to avoid mud – which would be on the public walking trail.

As we were walking along, what should we come across but TWO people walking on our road. TWO people that we didn’t know. Well. As you might imagine, I, of course, needed to shout out my inquiry as to why they were walking on MY…OK our road. I did my very best CUJO impersonation- shouting and pulling with every fiber in my being. Her Highness had to hold tightly to me AND the Beatnik, whose intent was simply to say hello. Her Highness did the apologetic “He’s just saying hello,” line – meanwhile she was attempting to strangle me. We walked past them – but she knew that since we live on a dead end road, we would have to pass them again on our way home. She’s clever that way.

As a result, after she dragged us past the rather shocked looking walkers, she said “we’re taking the trail.” The trail – which is a public trail- basically loops back through the woods and comes back out on the road. By taking the trail, we could avoid the innocent walkers.

Now. There are three things in the world I detest. Actually, make that four: grooming, rain, puddles and mud. The latter three end up resulting in the first dislike. So. Imagine how HORRIFIED I was to go on the trail which not only was filled with puddles – but whatever area was not totally wet was covered in mud. Honestly, just recounting this story makes my blood run cold. All the while Her Highness, whose sneakers were becoming a lovely shade of brown, kept saying “Frodo this is your fault. You cannot act like Cujo. See. This is what happens when you act like Cujo. You have to walk through THIS.” Blah. Blah. Blah.

Honestly- that was the longest walk of my life. Ordinarily she lets me walk off leash, but she knew I would hightail it back to dry land – so she dragged me along with my tether. Meanwhile, the Beatnik happily bounced along – oblivious to the quagmires. Ah – to be so innocent. And to have a non-magnetic dirt absorbing coat. Lucky him.

By the time we came back out onto the road, I was exhausted from trying my best to avoid every swampy area. The image is just too much for me to recount any further. I definitely have PTME. Post traumatic mud encounter. It will take time to get over it. Thank goodness for the snow.

Today I doubt Her Highness will be able to go anywhere. Meaning we will get to play in the snowy yard. Oh joy. Oh happiness. I can hardly WAIT for the snowballs to stick to my legs, my stomach and my private areas.

Excuse me now while I go and look at bus tickets to Florida….

Have a good one. Peace and paws up. Stay safe.