Reality TV

Salutations blog readers. Frodo here. Also affectionately known the Fun Police. And I take my job very seriously. Unless I’m busy chewing on a Kong. But, truthfully, I must monitor what goes on around here because someone must be in charge and sometimes, well Her Highness doesn’t always make the best decisions….

I know that the injured Beatnik (who appears to be slowly recovering) is not allowed to roughhouse with the Shaggy Shark. And yet if left to their own devices – they would do just that. It often begins with the Shark sauntering rather nonchalantly past the lounging Beatnik. The Shark often carries a toy which he then attempts to hurl or simply drag past the Beatnik. The next thing one knows, PONdemonium erupts and it is up to yours truly to shout out a warning to cease and desist. If my loud shouting doesn’t work, it is usually at that point that Her Highness steps in and separates the two offenders.

Her Highness noted the other day that our household has two dangerous noise levels. One is during a PONdemonium outbreak which involves incessant PON barking – often for no particular reason. I should add that of late, the Picard has also begun to partake in these bark fests. The danger at this level is in potential cause for hearing loss. No doubt her Highness will soon need hearing aids.

The other dangerous noise level is no noise at all. Total silence with the Shark generally means he is up to something. If he is not attempting to break into closets, he is chewing the corners off the already damaged carpet in the dining room. Or he is attempting to chew the rubber base off his food bowl. Or- in an action so reminiscent of brother Viktor, he is attempting to steal pillows off Her Highness’ bed. He was quite proud of himself when he emerged from the bedroom yesterday carrying a pillow larger than himself. It was rather amazing given that he can’t get on the bed. He is quite the lad…

Meanwhile, Her Highness made a huge error in judgment last night. We had a rainy day all day – so even though it was evening, the Sharks’s batteries were still well charged – as he had not done his version of the Indy 500 around the yard in the rain. He was barking at Her Highness to DO something. The Beatnik was on his bed – and I had no intention of entertaining him, so Her Highness decided to sit on the floor to play with him. How does one spell colossal mistake. It began with a frenzied game of fetch. Which would have been reasonably easy to control (despite his occasional attempts to bite her hands)- until the Beatnik and I decided to join in. The Beatnik attempted to sit on Her Highness’ lap, while I was attempting to chew the treats out of her pocket. Which further incited the Shark who decided to “attack” Her Highness from behind, grabbing her head. She shouted and attempted to scramble to her feet – with a bloody indentation in her head. All four of us were huffing and puffing by the end. It was at that point that Her Highness announced “break time for Wojtek” which signals a visit to his ex pen. He promptly fell asleep.

I expect the producers to be contacting us any day now about our reality tv series. The Kardashians have nothing on this household. Let’s be frank – nobody would buy it because they would think it’s made up. If they only knew…

Have a good one. Peace and paws up. Stay safe.