The cone of shame.

You know the old saying, it’s all fun and games until somebody ends up in a cone….

So you may recall the torn nail the other day.  The one belonging to Einstein.  The one that my human bandaged.  The one that appeared fine.  And it IS.  But the problem after the unfortunate injury did not have to do with Einstien so much as it had to do with me and the FG.  We were nurses in another life.  And we wanted to FIX that nail.  By licking it.  My human had to constantly keep telling us to stop showering Einstein with “affection.”

But then the next day, something ELSE happened.  The FG, who was already obsessed with Einstien’s nail, now became OBSESSED with…well…Einstein’s nether areas.  I mean CRAZY obsessed.  BEYOND his noraml crazy.  My human has not had male and female dogs together, but she guesses the behavior was QUITE like having an intact (or non-neutered) male with an intact (non-spayed) female.  My human has HEARD the stories of males going OUT of their minds while a female comes into season.     Well that was like the FG and Einstein.  The FG would NOT let Einstein alone.  He would poke him with his nose and Einstein would swing round and bark at him.  The FG would come back again.  Einstein would bark again.  Einstien would chase him.  The FG would come back again.  My human would use the squirt gun.  The FG would come back again.  The FG would attempt to even mount Einstein.  IMAGINE how well THAT went over.  My human would have to put him in his crate – it got so out of hand.

It would stop for periods of time, but at 2:30 AM on Sunday morning, my human had had enough, when it started again.  She got up and put the FG in his crate and it was at that point that she realized that Einstein was clearly in discomfort.   She examined his rear end for mats.  Nope.  But he was panting and seemed in distress.  She called the emergency hospital and asked if is could be an anal gland problem.  Not that he has ever had one, but it seemed like a possible reason.  They said to take him out for a walk and then apply a warm compress to his butt.  So here she was, walking the road at 3AM and she then applied the compress.  He seemed better after that and went to sleep, so she figured if it was an anal gland problem (with no visible signs of an abcess) he would be OK until at least the next morning.

 Monday morning,  Einstein appeared fine.  He pooped and peed and ran around and ate his breakfast like normal.  We even went for a nice long walk with our buddy, Pig Pen.  The FG went for a good walk, but still when he came back, at every chance, he would go after Einstein.  My human had a funeral to attend, so she left the FG in his crate.  She examined Einstein, and although he did attempt to lick his nether regions a few times, he seemed OK.  After the funeral, my human had a few errands so she got home mid-afternoon.  She let the FG out of his crate and he immediately went to sniff Einstein.  Who by this point was starting to bite the FG on his face.  Clearly not hard enough, because although he would squeak, he would go back after Einstein again.  My human figured something was really wrong.  She called another 24 hour clinic – because remember – this was a holiday and our regular vet was still not open.   They suggested she take another good look – it could definitely be an anal gland problem.  Back they went on the grooming table.  My human searched his rear end (the stuff that dog people are used to doing), and noticed nothing.  And then, she touched his privates.  Ooooo-eeee.  She found the problem.  She couldn’t get a great look – but it appeared that one of the family jewels was quite red.  Problem solved.  Sort of.  Now what to do.  Go to emergency, of course. 

I should have prefaced this whole story by reminding you that Einstein IS a COMPLETE drama king.  I mean you brush him and you would think he was being tortured.  So IMAGINE a scrape in the nether nether areas…

The vet examined him (with lots of assistance and much moaning and groaning – by Einstein – not the vet) and said that the jewels were safe, but he did have an abrasion.  My human figured that it probably happened while racing over a log or through branches out beyond the trail.  The vet gave her some cream to put on the spot (good luck with that) and some medication for pain.  She said it would relax him.  My human asked the vet if she could take some herself.  The vet did not laugh.

Along with the cream and the pills, they came home with the cone of shame.  The vet didn’t want Einstein licking at the sore area.  My human should have really got cones for all three of us.  Big mistake on her part.  Actually, when Einstein growls at me – should I attempt it, I DO back off.  But Mr. Stubborn?  Not so much.  Hopefully the sore will heal quickly because right now, my human can’t leave the two of them together.  It is total chaos.  TOTAL chaos. Barking, lunging, poking, snapping, squeaking – it’s crazier than a session of Congress.

At the end of the day, one REALLY can’t be mad at the FG.  It was his persistance that alerted my human to the problem.  Sort of.  I think she should give the guy credit for trying to help out.

Please say a prayer that this heals quickly.  Or my human will be locking HERSELF in the crate.  And taking a few of those pills….

Have a good one.  Peace and paws up!
Seizure-free days: 7

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