Torture and makeovers

Howdy blogaroos. It’s Squirmy here on another manic Monday. Let the week begin!

We had a pretty nice weekend- no rain so that’s always good news. On Saturday, I went to an obedience fun match. No scores or prizes – just a chance to practice doing an obedience routine kinda like you would have in a real trial. I did OK overall. I’m still having trouble standing still like a statue on the “Stand for Exam” exercise. I suppose that’s no surprise given that ricocheting is my favorite thing to do. During the stand, I feel an overwhelming urge to sniff the judge and I do think about jumping up, and to do so I end up moving my feet. Fail. I did a redo and I was perfect. But there’s no redo in a real trial. So I guess I’m not quite ready just yet for the big leagues. I would have shown you a short video of me performing- but when I looked at the pants and socks the Warden was wearing, I decided to save her the embarrassment. I never even noticed what a fashion disaster she was. Not that I really care usually. But this time even I felt sorry for her lack of fashion sense. I think being sequestered for years with COVID will do that to someone. Add to that the retirement mode and well – is there some fashion makeover show I can get her on? She needs help.

And speaking of makeovers, yesterday was torture day for two members of our household. Because one needed the makeover – and the other did it. Who am I talking about? The Boss and the Warden. Now we all know how the Boss hates being groomed. And frankly, the Warden hates grooming him. It’s a literal wrestling match. And although she never lets it go for more than 1-2 weeks max, with the warmer weather lately she somehow let it go for 3 weeks. Oh he had a cursory brushing in that time, but not the complete once over where every inch of skin is examined and every little tiny gnarly in every private area imaginable, is brushed out. You cannot even BEGIN to understand how torturous the process is for both of them. First she lifts him onto the grooming table. No wait. FIRST she has to go and catch him. If she makes the mistake of saying “ you need a brushing” he is GONE. We’re talking out the screen door and down the deck stairs. Calling him is futile. The Warden has to go and get a leash, capture him, and lead him back to the house. Once he’s on the grooming table, she gently flips the knotted wooly lump onto his side. She has the pockets of her grooming apron FILLED with kibble. And the wrestling match begins. She brushes a bit, and he tries to roll into a sphinx position. She has to push him back on his side. She brushes and as soon as she stops to take hair out of the brush, he rolls back into the sphinx position and he expects a treat. She has to push him back onto his side. Actually, he wants a treat for every area brushed. I counted. Because I was watching. It was like 359 treats. Give or take a hundred. And heaven forbid you have to brush a sensitive area. Like his feet. He screams. The Warden had a fan going, and thought about opening the garage door – but it was only 8:30 in the morning and she figured people within a 5 km radius would think a murder was occurring. Now he doesn’t cry ALL the time. Just like 25% of the time. And when he’s not crying, he’s panting. He tries to turn over. She moves him back into position and gives him a treat. After almost 2 hours yesterday, they were both panting. But the funny thing is- he’s moaning and panting and as soon as they are done he pops up and is completely fine. I must make a confession here….part of the reason he was doubly gnarly was because yours truly loves to do makeovers on him. I lick his face, the top of his head, his ears, his neck….So I guess I’m partly to blame for his sad state. But not that I’ll stop trying my makeovers – I just haven’t perfected my craft yet. Don’t worry – I’ll keep working on it….

Time for walks. I have to check what shoes and pants the Warden is wearing. Good thing there aren’t many people out at 6:15 AM….

Have a good one. Peace and paws up. Stay safe.

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