The gift

Howdy blogaroos!!! Squirmy Wormy here to mark the start of your weekend! Yup – it’s Fri-yay for many working folks. Here, every day is like Fri-yay. But we still celebrate the real one – because it’s my school day.

So what’s new here? Besides me driving the Warden crazy. And boy – I did a super job the other night!

You see… it all started with a gift. For Christmas, a friend and blog reader – Roni- sent the Warden an Amazon gift card. It was a lovely surprise! So of course, the Warden had to get something for me! OK. She didn’t HAVE to get something for me – but this gift was kinda for both of us.

You see, I’ve been back in my crate at night – because, well I don’t know the word “settle.” So, in order for the Warden to get SOME sleep, the Coyote and I are in our crates. The Boss is free- because he KNOWS how to settle. Sure, he jumps on the bed, but he doesn’t attempt to chew on pillows or sleep on the Warden’s chest. He also doesn’t use the bed as a trampoline – jumping on and off repeatedly. Now I settle down in my crate – BUT, because I have no crate pad, when I move around, I make a LOT of noise. Just like the Coyote did before he got his huge, massive crate pad.

So. When the Warden got the lovely gift, she thought she would treat BOTH of us and get me a crate pad. I got all excited when she took it out of the box from Amazon. Only problem – it’s a little fuzzy – so I just wanted to drag it around and attack it. The Warden decided to put it away until bed time.

So. Bedtime came and as usual I ran into my crate to get the last of my 427 treats for the day. The Warden put the carabiner on the door (since I know how to get out), and she went to brush her teeth and get ready for bed. When she returned from the bathroom, the Coyote was chillin’ in his crate, the Boss was sprawled out on his side of her bed, and yours truly was just sitting in my crate. The Warden got into bed and was doing some reading for a bit, and after a few minutes, she looked at me, and noticed I was still sitting there. Like a statue. She told me to lie down. I sat and stared at her. I honestly didn’t know what to do with my new furnishing. The Warden thought if she turned the light out, I might lie down. She put her book down and picked up her iPad to read it in the dark. She read stuff on there – and kinda shone the light from the iPad on me. Still sitting there. Like a garden statue. She again said “lie down.” I didn’t move a muscle. So she figured maybe I needed to go out. So she grabbed her slippers and her robe and opened my crate door. I took a flying leap for her bed. “Oh no you don’t!” she said. She went and grabbed a leash and took me outside. I did a perfunctory pee, and that was it. I mean no urgency and certainly no Niagara Falls either. So we marched back in, and she directed me into my crate and secured the door. She got into bed and turned out the lights. But because two leggeds have this weird spidey sense, she didn’t go to sleep. Although she PRETENDED to be asleep. Complete with fake snoring. After about 10 minutes, she looked at me. Garden statue. Flip the lights go on. She tells me to lie down. I stare at her. She says “lie down” again. I stare at her like when she was speaking gibberish. This time she finally smartened up. You know the saying “Money talks.” Yeah well here’s MY saying “Treats talk.” She marched into the kitchen, with the Boss in hot pursuit, came back into the bedroom, showed me the treat, and said “LIE DOWN.” In that tone that spells a little bit of frustration. I hit the deck. She gave me the treat.

Once I actually did lie down, I was good for the night. I was exhausted from sitting like a sloth who got into crazy glue. I slept ALL night. With no banging or clanging! I attempted a command performance last night, but the Warden didn’t fall for it. She turned out the light, and I quickly settled into my new bed, We dogs are huge creatures of habit, so change takes adaptation – even when it’s a comfortable change! As you may recall, the Coyote wouldn’t even go IN his crate when he first got his crate pad. Now, he loves it.

Hey – today is something called “one liner day.” One liners can be a joke – or a statement that is memorable – like from a famous person or even a movie. Things like “Go ahead – make my day.” Some are funny and some are serious. What’s weird is that they’re called one liners. But some have two lines. Go figure.

Anyway, we found some funny dog related one liners like these:

My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard and earned an online college degree. -Anonymous

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? … it’s hardly ever for them. – Harry Hill

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m The Beatles. – Bill Maher

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you. -Mary Bly

Then some are just nice like these:

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does. -Christopher Morley

Happiness is a warm puppy. – Lucy van Pelt (Charlie Brown’s friend)

And of course we have MY famous one liners:

Bark. Because you can.

When in training, faking a lack of understanding results in more treats so fake it baby fake it.

Good things come to those who sit under a baby’s high chair.

An open refrigerator door is an invitation to come on in.

If you want to have some fun, count the number of poop bags your human has in their pocket before you go out. Poop that many times plus one.

And my own version of some movie classics:

I thing we’re gonna need a bigger … treat jar…

There’s no place like …a butcher shop.

There’s no crying in … obedience trials.

And like I said earlier- the line that is my mantra: Treats talk.

Have a good one. Peace and paws up. Stay safe.

Oh – and if you’re feeling like you need some more one liners today – just because, here are some pretty funny ones. They’re not dog related (yawn) but the Warden said they’re funny. Enjoy. And groan.

https://parade.com/1040121/marynliles/one-liners/amp/

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