Don’t annoy me.

So my human found another one of those “dog articles” on the net.  This one was about things that humans do – that annoy us dogs.  Now some of them I agree with and some – well ALL dogs are individuals – and articles like this REALLY cannot be generalized to the entire canine race.  But here they are:

1.   Staring.  If humans stare at us dogs, we dogs may consider it a challenge.  On the other hand, we dogs are allowed to stare at you humans. That’s what I think.  Especially if we want your attention, want the food you are eating, want a treat, want to go out, or just because we love the way you look.  More often our staring involves food.  I excel at this skill.  And I am adorable when I do so.  If I do say so myself…

2.   Hugs.  Many of us dislike this as we see hugging as a sign of dominance.  We WILL tolerate it – although some of us like it more than others.  
     Frodo- not so much.  Me?  I’m neutral.  Paxton – hug away.

3.    Yelling.  They say that a low voice when you are being serious with us will command our attention  – and a high pitched voice usually signals something good for us.  You do not need to yell.  It scares some dogs.  My human doesn’t yell, but her volume does get increasing LOUDER as she repeats a command.  Like when I’m licking Paxton’s face.  It’s begins with a simple normal level “Viktor leave Paxton.”  When I do not stop, she repeats her command, a bit louder “VIKtor – PLEASE leave Paxton.”  When I still do not stop, it becomes “VIKTOR LEAVE PAXTON ALONE!  NOW.”  The louder volume does NOT scare me, and really, it’s not until she makes a move to grab the dreaded squirt gun that I stop.  Maybe. I know there’s not even any water in it…

4.   Teasing.  It really doesn’t happen in our house – although I silently tease the OTHER two dogs when I go out first.  They get my vibe. But I can’t say my human teases us.  Unless eating her dinner without sharing it with us is considered teasing…

5.   Too much alone time.  Dogs who are left alone too long can get destructive.  Now I admit, we don’t like when my human goes to work and leaves us alone, but she DOES have to go – dog biscuits don’t grow on trees.  She DOES take us for long daily walks and if it isn’t raining, we are also guaranteed some time playing fetch outside.  Until we are ready to collapse.  We actually are never REALLY alone – we boys DO have each other.  And I lick Paxton all day – with no human to bug me about it.

6.   Crowded dog parks.  We don’t do dog parks – so I know nothing about this one.  

7.   Interrupted sleep.  Don’t ruin our sleep.  We don’t like it.  Like the other night when my human tried to move me OFF HER bed when she came to sleep.  I played dead.  I know how to go completely limp – it’s a well practiced skill.  And then she laughs at me.  So then she really can’t move me.  Works every time. So just LET me sleep.

8.    Strange dogs.  We don’t see many where we live in the boonies – but we see plenty at dog shows.  We’ve been around dogs at shows forever – so it’s no big deal.  Especially for a social butterfly like me. It’s really all about the introduction.  

9.   Changes to routine.  They say that novelty is good for your brain – but we ARE creatures of habit.  And we know the daily drill.  So keep it simple. And keep it the same.

10.  A tight leash.  Now this one is kind of odd – since we DOGS cause the tight leash.  I guess you HUMANS are supposed to teach us how to walk with a loose leash.   So really,  a tight leash IS your fault.  There. That explains it. And we don’t like it.

11. Going for a walk – but not allowing us to smell things. OK.  I know my human has to go to work – so a 15 minute long sniff where the fox walked 2 hours ago probably IS a bit much to ask at 5 in the morning.  But we want MORE sniffing time.  MORE.  And Paxton wants more peeing time.  He only pees on every OTHER branch, stick, tree, blade of grass on a mile long walk.  He’s a peeing machine.

12. Dressing us up.  Now THIS one I agree with.  The dreaded Dollar Store holiday attire.  OK, not EVERYONE minds.  Like Frodo.  He is FINE with it.  But Pax and I are NOT fans.  WAIT until you see the Halloween photos.  Just wait.

So this is the SHORT list of things you humans do that annoy us dogs.  And honestly, I can only think of a FEW THINGS we dogs do that annoy you. Like  maybe the staring thing.  And the sniffing thing.  And the licking of Paxton’s face.  And the sudden deafness we demonstrate when being asked to do something.  And the counter surfing. And the stealing your bed.  And the chasing foxes.  And rabbits. And leaves.  And the squirming while grooming. And the incessant barking.  But come ON.  We are DOGS.  That’s what we do! And seriously – where would life be without us?  Pretty darn boring. 

And despite the fact that you do plenty to annoy us, we still think we’ll keep you.  You are just so much fun to train….

©  Linda Wozniak

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