frodopon

Baby gates

October 25, 2014Leave a Comment

Many homes have them. They are not one of my favorite things. While we dogs DO rule this house, there is one thing that our human controls – which IS a bit of a challenge. It’s called the baby gate.

We canines can go in every room in our house. At times, our human will restrict our access to a room if she is not home – just for our own safety. And the safety of some belongings. For example, Paxton and I have a bit of a bad habit – we like to chew pillows. Just the ends. A pillow to us is like a giant piece of gum – gotta chew it. So if my human is not able to keep an eye on us, she will restrict our access to the bedrooms. Or to keep us from chewing the pillows on the sofa in the rec room, she will place objects ON the sofa – like a broom – or a dog obedience jump – which deters us from stealing the pillows. There is something ironic about using obedience equipment to keep us from being disobedient… But anyway. She quickly gathers up the objects when company arrives. And other than that, we can pretty much go where we please – with one exception. There is one room that my human keeps off limits to dogs all the time and she refers to it as the “dog free zone.” The living room.

The reason for the restriction is simple. The living room contains a LARGE antique glass cupboard filled with glassware. And my human knows, that should Paxton and I start our zoomies in the living room, and should he (or even his tail!) hit the cupboard – well it would not be a happy day in our household. My human also has some hooked rugs in the living room– which Paxton and I find as appealing as pillows to chew on. One of those rugs took our human something like 50 dog years to make. So the dog free zone is OFF limits to all canines. All the time.

To restrict our access to the dog free zone, my human puts a baby gate in the entrance. We are not afraid of many things – but the idea of a baby gate falling on us is pretty scary – so we never even attempt to move it. At least Pax and I don’t. And then there is Frodo…

In the last couple of weeks, Frodo has decided that if our human is in the dog free zone, he MUST get in there. So he basically pushes the gate aside and makes his way in. The first time he did it, our human just looked at him. And then she told him if he could lie down and stay out of trouble, he could remain in the dog free zone while she was in there working on her laptop. BIG mistake. Did you ever hear the phrase about “giving an inch…”

Frodo has now determined that the dog free zone is HIS room. If our human is in there – he is INSISTENT on being in there. And he has also gone one step further…

Yesterday morning our human was getting ready to leave for work and she was doing the “safety check” of the house…nothing to steal off the counters – check, water bowls full – check, and dog free zone was secured with chairs to hold the baby gate in place – check. She even put an extra chair in place – to be sure that Frodo wouldn’t go in. So the place was totally secure. She got treats ready to give to us as she leaves, and she did a head count. One, two….two dogs. OK, one dog missing. WHERE is Frodo? He’s always ready for his treat. She looked around the dining room and the kitchen. No Frodo. WHERE the heck is he??? Froooooooooodo. Where ARE you?????? Yup. You guessed it. Safely secured IN the dog free zone. When she moved the well-secured gate and insisted he come out, he just gave out a big sigh and ambled out slowly.

As I continue to emphasize, we canines are pretty smart. And we DON’T forget. ESPECIALLY us PONs. Frodo figures he has been “in the zone” before – so why not do it again? Give us an inch…

Now if Pax and I could just get up the courage to move that baby gate too…

Decorating.

October 23, 2014Leave a Comment

Let’s talk about decorating today. Humans decorate with their own personal style – and often like to surround themselves with things that are important to them – souvenirs from a place they visited, photos of family and friends (including us canine kids), art, and just general “decorations.” And we canines – at least in our house – like to do the same. But we decorate with toys. And bones.

In our house we have a container that holds all of our toys and bones. And every time my human vacuums – which has been quite often since Paxton began this “coat blowing” phase – she picks up all of our toys and bones, and puts them away. And no sooner than she is done – in fact, often before she finishes vacuuming, I have removed most of them. Can she NOT UNDERSTAND that this is MY decorating style? Bones. Everywhere. So that our dining room looks like something out of an archeological dig site. I LIKE this LOOK. Yes, I DO agree that it CAN be a BIT dangerous as our human has more than once almost twisted an ankle on a bone that matches the color of the carpet. But she just needs to be more careful.

And speaking of toys – I quite love it when my human has done some traveling – as she usually returns with a “gift” for each of us. That’s just because she is feeling guilty. We are FINE with our dogsitter – but we still GLADLY accept the gifts. And our human is careful to get each of us the SAME toy. It a “fairness” thing. But every time, I ALWAYS think that Frodo or Pax has the better toy. So I must have THEIR toy. I will lie and stare at them – and sometimes even give out a little wimper – just for effect. It works 99% of the time – they just give up their toy – and then they go and take the one I have abandoned. OK. I confess I CAN be a bit of a brat at times. But they still love me. Who doesn’t?

Gotta go. My human just finished vacuuming. I have decorating to do.

The scoop. On poop.

October 22, 2014Leave a Comment

Our topic today is…poop. OK. What is it with you humans and your obsession with poop? I mean, seriously – you take us out to poop, you make sure we poop, you look at our poop, you even PICK UP our poop. Yet another indicator that we canines are smarter than humans. You don’t see us doing that for YOU, do you?!

Pooping, like barking and retrieving is a very individual thing. We live on a dead end country road. When we go for a walk, we all have different pooping routines. I walk along the side of the road. Quickly. And then, I will, without warning or slowing down, suddenly stop and poop. Simple.

Paxton likes to go down into the ditch – or off in the woods. And he is what my human calls her “Power Pooper”. All she has to do is say “Hurry up” and Paxton will go. Immediately. I can’t figure out how the guy does it. That’s control.

And then we have Conrad, er Frodo. Frodo does everything with flair and drama. Frodo walks slowly….very slowly – in the middle of the road or a path – and poops right smack dab in the MIDDLE. And if he is on a path – and there is a rock in the middle of the path, he is sure to go right on the rock. Right ON the rock. He takes the concept of “leaving monuments” to a whole new level.

And then there is the whole poop bag thing. You humans pick up our poop so it can go into a landfill site in plastic bags that won’t break down for like 1 million years. If ya just left it there – it would disappear! Oh – but my human gets those flimsy “biodegradable” bags. We haven’t yet tried to see if they DO break down. We can only hope so. The challenge is that those bags come as “one size fits all” . Bwhahahahahaha. Did you ever see Paxton’s poop? You need a GARBAGE bag to pick up that stuff. A HEFTY garbage bag.

OK, so that’s my scoop on poop. I think I have covered enough on the topic for today – especially if you are reading this at breakfast. Have a good one!

Retrieving.

October 21, 2014Leave a Comment

Today I would like to talk about retrieving. And just like barking, we all have our own “individuality” when it comes to retrieving. This is a skill that I am an EXPERT in. I will retrieve until I am ready to collapse. Or until my human’s arm is ready to fall off. And my rate of recovery does not slow down – even after my human has thrown a bumper toy more than 30 times – with all her might – as far as she can throw. It is ESSENTIAL that you have two identical bumpers to throw – because I will NOT let go of the first until the second is mid-air. And I can grab a bumper in mid-air – or on a bounce – without slowing down. Leaves and grass go flying – and sometimes I even do a roll myself. And once I have the bumper, I race back to my human very quickly – often at lightning speed. My feet turn green from the grass, my coat is full of leaves and my mouth is all muddy. I LOVE this game.

Frodo on the other hand, has a different retrieving technique. He will race out to get the bumper, but is careful on the pick-up not to get any grass or leaves in his mouth. Seriously. And his return is more like a loppy loppy trot. And once he returns to our human, he spits out the bumper. He will happily do this task about a dozen times and then will take the bumper and trot back to the house to signal that he is done. Done. He retrieves – but clearly he would rather be in the house. Reading.

And then we have Paxton. Good old Paxton. When he sees that our human is about to throw the bumper, he races out and looks straight up in the air. Hoping it will go in a flight path that he can see. Then he bounds out and grabs the bumper – but must stop on the way back to pee. Twice. If he retrieves four times, my human is ecstatic. Usually he will head out for the bumper and heaven help us if he hears something – because he will veer off into the woods. Did I mention that he has the attention span of a gnat? Retrieving is NOT his thing. But he IS getting better – because I’ve been teaching him. He does better if he gets a treat each time he comes back. Frankly, I don’t WANT the treat – because that usually signals that my turn is over. It’s the ONLY time I’m not happy about food.

Retrieving is a great way for us canines to get exercise. And you should see the biceps on my human!

Quote me.

October 20, 2014Leave a Comment

Viktor: So Frodo, what do you think about my blog so far?

Frodo: It keeps you busy and keeps you out of my way – so it is excellent.

Viktor: Thanks for helping with my Vik-tionary terms. You’re very good with vocabulary. Although I’m not so sure you could match that border collie….

Frodo: I beg to differ. Let’s just see how he and I would do in a Scrabble match.

Viktor: We can’t. Remember? Paxton ate most of the vowels.

Frodo: Drat. I forgot.

Viktor: I’ve been thinking of adding a new feature to my blog – my quote of the week.

Frodo: Seriously? You realize -a quote should be profound. It has to have meaning. It should inspire. Or inform. Or it has to make someone smile. I’m not so sure you have the ability to come up with a one-liner that will pack that kind of information. For example, there’s a quote that has been circulating on the internet lately – and some say it’s POLISH proverb. I’m not certain of the origin, but it IS very good – “Not my circus. Not my monkeys.” Do you think YOU can come up with something like that?!

Vitkor: Well for my first quote, I was going to base it on something YOU do. It’s about taking chances. It’s about the simple things in life. Or it could be about cooling off if one has been a bit hot-headed. You were the inspiration for this one.

Frodo: OK. I’m ready. This should be good.

Viktor: Here goes. You can use it – just make SURE you attribute it to me…

Frodo: All right already.

Viktor: “Never pass up the opportunity to stick your head in the refrigerator.” By Viktor. The PON.

Frodo: (eyes rolling) They can only get better…

Barking…

October 19, 2014Leave a Comment

Today, let’s talk about barking. Humans talk. And so do we.

A quick search of the internet reveals that dogs have a variety of barks for a variety of things. No doubt a number of people have done PhD dissertations on the topic and spent years researching dogs. All they needed to do was spend one day at our house and we could have saved them a whole lot of time. And grant funding.

We have a variety of barks – as do all dogs – but what is key is WHEN we use each bark. For example, Frodo has an incessant BrrrrrrrARK. … BrrrrrrARK….. BrrrrrARK that he uses for a variety of things. The first thing every morning, while my human is putting in her contact lenses – so she can see to take us on our walk – Frodo will stand outside the bathroom door and BrrrrrrARK. To which my human will reply from within the bathroom “Frodo BE quiet.” Which of course he doesn’t. She comes out and he stops and then she goes to get our food – which is stored in the garage. As soon as she closes the garage door to get the food, Frodo starts again. To which my human will reply from within the garage “Frodo BE quiet.” Which of course he doesn’t. Sometimes she will stand on the other side of the door and wait for him to bark and throws the door open to surprise him and tells him to be quiet. He does. For a second. Until she goes back in the garage. Then he waits until he is SURE she isn’t standing on the other side of the door, and starts the BrrrrARK again.

Another kind of bark is the BARK-BARK-BARK-BARK-BAAAAAAAARRRRRK that we all do in unison to signal an intruder. A delivery man. The neighbor’s grandkids selling raffle tickets for school. Friends of my human. Rabbits. This bark is also particularly interesting to use either at 2:30 in the morning or as soon as we hear our human step into the shower – for no REAL reason.

Paxton also has an interesting WOOF. WOOF. WOOF. He does it to get attention – and for a big guy, he does it pretty quietly. At least that’s how it starts. It begins with a tiny woof and proceeds to a bigger WOOF if my human doesn’t pay attention.

As for me – well I have a crazy bark when I’m let out with the guys for a run. It’s a borderline LOUD yappy bark in which I am telling them that if they were sheep, I would be telling them where to go. It is also incessant. Although, IF my human brings out the artillery (a squirt gun) I CAN control myself.

We probably have other barks – but those are the barks we use the most. Now if there are any PhD students out there who need subjects, just give me a call. And we’ll talk.

Intelligence…

October 18, 2014Leave a Comment

Well, my human did a really interesting one this time…

Someone told her about a TV show featuring some guy that sounds like PONderson Cooper – who did a dogumentary about the intelligence of dogs. They showed this border collie who has like 1,000+ words that he understands. I’m not sure what all the hoopla is about – heck I understand 1,2,3,4,5…6…6…7…8…8….8….wait 9… OK. So that dog knows a whole lot of words. And he even understands something called verbs – which makes him REALLY smart. I’m just impressed with the HUGE pile of toys he has – and he knows all the names. I bet if I had ALL THOSE TOYS, I could be super smart too. Just sayin’.

Anyway, after my human watched the show, she went to the website of the scientists on the show and found out that if you paid them some money, they would give you a bunch of exercises to test the intelligence of your dog. So you guessed it- my human HAD to do it. But she decided she would just test ONE of us. So who do you think she picked?!!!!!! FRODO! She figured he had the most brains in the family so she registered him. And then the testing began…

Almost every night this past week for about a half hour, she and Frodo went into the bedroom with a bunch of treats and with the door shut – and did a bunch of exercises. Initially she tried to do it with Pax and I watching – but you can GUESS how THAT went. Chaos. We wanted the treats. So after that, the testing was solitary. Pax and I just looked at each other – and we WERE just a LITTLE ticked off that Frodo was getting treats for doing nothing. Never mind that we had each been outside playing with our human before that. And we also got treats. I think we forgot that part. Clearly we would not have scored highly on the memory part of the test.

So last night, they finished the last test – and got the final results. Drumroll please….

Here is the summary directly from the Dognition test:

Frodo is a Socialite!

It’s hard work making everything look so easy. In a culture obsessed with academic achievement, sometimes it is easy to overlook the fact that gracefully interacting and communicating with others requires talent. In Frodo’s case, he takes this talent to a whole new level – it is definitely his genius.

Although Frodo is not as adept at independent problem-solving skills as other dogs, don’t jump to any conclusions about his intelligence. Frodo relies on a very specific strategy – using you and other humans in his pack to get what he wants. Judging from his performance in the social games, we suspect that most of the time this strategy succeeds.

Seriously???????????? Do you see that?! Frodo – a SOCIALITE??????!!!!! Mister “I- want-to-be-alone” and “don’t-come-on-my-property – or-I-will-bark-you-to-death” – is considered a SOCIALITE?!!! And they don’t consider him a problem solver?! PONdini? The guy who can figure his way out of ANY enclosed area??????

My human got a 14 page report summarizing the results of each subtest area – Empathy (in which Frodo scored high – go figure), Communication (which was also high), Cunning (average), Memory and Reasoning (both average). She thought that some of the test results may have been skewed by the fact that Frodo is obedience trained. That may sound weird but she figured that Frodo responded to some of the tasks based on his previous training exercises. One thing my human agreed with was the following statement: “…Frodo can read you like a book. Maybe he seems to know where you are going before you do.” Now THAT is the truth.

So I’m not so sure about all this intelligence testing stuff. As I have already talked about, we canines are clearly more intelligent than humans in so many ways. I think these results are about as believable as the weather forecast. Mind you, I AM kind of hoping that my human will do it with me – because I sure would love the treats!

Hairy Tales

October 16, 20141 Comment

Never a dull moment in our house…

The other day I started to panic – I looked at Paxton and started to worry that he had something wrong with him (besides the usual). It’s crazy – he is shedding his hair. I mean losing it. My human calls it “blowing his coat” – I call it global fallout. He has HUGE tufts of hair sticking out all over. And when my human brushes him – it flies all over. When you brush us PONs, the hair doesn’t go everywhere – and there may just be a little on the brush. With Paxton, it’s on the brush – and EVERYWHERE else. Crack open an egg, and you’ll find Paxton hair. And the vacuuming that is going on! It’s like we are living next to an airport – the sound of the engine never stops. And when my human DOES stop and puts away the vacuum, 10 seconds later, a black hairball the size of a Papillon rolls by.

My human actually has to brush him outside. And she puts the hair in the compost bin. She practically FILLED the bin yesterday. Now she’s afraid that the garbage guy will have a heart attack when he looks in – he might think it’s a bear.

And speaking of hair…I got a bit of a scolding about hair the other day…You see, I sometimes like to “trim” the hair on my legs. No. I don’t have allergies. No. I don’t lick my feet. I’m just into self-barbering. My human noticed my legs one day when she was brushing me– and it looked like someone had taken scissors and cut some of the hair in straight lines. And just on my back legs. She thought it was REALLY odd …

And THEN she decided to brush Frodo…..And my human noticed….that the same straight lines were on Frodo. On his EARS. Which CLEARLY, he could NOT have done himself. OK. OK. I confess. I was tired of self-barbering – and wanted to try my craft on someone else! I didn’t dare try it on Paxton – because I would have landed up with a MOUTHFUL of hair.

We have a HUGE assortment of toys and things to chew on when my human goes to work – and we do get PLENTY of exercise. And my “trimming” is not a constant thing – my legs aren’t bare or anything. And my skin is FINE. I just like to BARBER. Sometimes. Plain and simple.

I just WISH my human would give me an electric razor so I could take care of Paxton’s shedding once and for all.

A Treasury…

October 15, 2014Leave a Comment

Well well. It seems that I have another issue with humans and your vocabulary…

My human was talking to a friend the other day and the friend was asking how old I was. WELL – I am very excited because I will be celebrating my third birthday at the end of THIS month. I’m beginning to plan for the big event – a small parade and fireworks will be the order of the day. If I can convince my human. But more on that later.

Anyway, in the course of the discussion, my human’s friend asked how many puppies were in my litter. My litter. My LITTER.?! OK. I take offense to that word. Seriously, WHY are puppies (and kittens for that matter) associated with a word that means the same as garbage?! Just WHO thought THAT one up?! Yeah – I know it is also used with other mammals – but seriously humans – you couldn’t come up with something ELSE?! If you HAD to use a word that was already in existence – why not something like a “treasury”. I like the sound of that. A treasury of puppies. And it fits – partly because we ARE such treasures – and partly because we cost so much over our lifetime!! Who do I talk to about getting that changed?!!

Speaking of “treasures” – Bucket Head was at it again yesterday. While Frodo and I were out on our morning walk with our human, Paxton got in trouble. As SOON as my human walked in the door, she KNEW he had done something. We walked in and his ears were all inside out. A sure sign he has done SOMETHING. He would NOT be a good poker player. Yup. He stole a screwdriver off the counter – a big one that had multiple tips. My human never guessed he would take it – the thing was pretty heavy. With Paxton’s handiwork, the tips don’t pop out any more. Paxton got the “WHAT did you DO?” line – and he looked ashamed for all of about 5 seconds and then got all excited because it was his turn to go for a walk. Too bad he chewed the screwdriver – because he clearly has a few screws loose! Did I ever mention that my human is very patient? VERY patient.

Oh and by the way, there were 10 puppies in my treasury. Talk about needing patience….

And I can’t say when my birthday is – but this much I WILL tell you. It’s between October 26 and October 28. I am soooo excited.

Travel photos.

October 14, 2014Leave a Comment

The other day, was a gorgeous day, and it was clear my human was going somewhere. Imagine my delight when she opened the car door – and I was able to fly in. Hurray! We’re going for a CAR RIDE. But WAIT – I’m alone with my human – and Frodo and Paxton are not coming with us. Uh oh. It must mean…a trip…to the VET. I mean I rarely go somewhere without the bros…unless it’s the VET.

But no – it was Sunday and we weren’t headed for the Vet’s office. Hmmmmm…

After 2 days – in dog time (which is more like 30 minutes in human time) we arrived at our destination. A well-known tourist site in Nova Scotia called Peggy’s Cove. It’s a small fishing village with a pretty lighthouse. And we were NOT alone.

The rocky shores were COVERED with tourists. From EVERYWHERE. The parking lot was full of cars and buses. It seems my human had agreed to write an article about visiting Nova Scotia– and she thought it would be great if I would be in the photos. That was HER idea.

Remember my post about digital PONtography? Well, it’s bad enough if my human is begging us for a good photo when we are in the confines of our own property – but imagine the challenge of doing so in a very busy public place. Top that off with gale force winds.

For the first attempt at the photos, my human asked me to sit and stay on the rocks – with a view of the sea in the distance. She then proceeded to call my name. “Viktor. Viktor. VIKTOR. VIIIIIIIKTOR. Here. Look. Treats. Viktor. Sssssssssss. Bzzzzzz. Squeak.” She tried EVERYTHING possible to make me look at her – short of jumping up and down. She even waved tasty, smelly treats under my nose. But nope. I was practicing picnore (v. the action of turning away and ignoring your human when he/she is trying to take your picture) . My human’s begging went on for what seemed like a day (in dog time) and at one point my human (who was SO absorbed in trying to get the photo) looked up to see a line of tourists watching the two of us. She smiled and thought we should move to another location.

In each location, I continued to practice picnore. I would look to the right. And then to the left. I looked up. I looked down. And everywhere we went, someone stopped to see what we were doing. They all thought I was cute. And they all wanted to know what kind of dog I was. My human muttered “stubborn” under her breath – and then went on to tell them about PONs. They loved me. Go figure.

In the end, I DID give in and give her a FEW shots – although I wasn’t pleased with the results because the wind made a MESS of my hair. After about 4 days, we ambled back to the car and once in, I happily stared and stared at my human. Thanks for a fun afternoon – and for providing those tourists with some great entertainment. Don’t I just love training humans?!