Invader

Elroy here. All systems alert! Invaders on the property. Time of invasion: any time after the sun has gone down. Location of invasion: anywhere close to a light. Description of invaders: Mutant grape-sized winged creatures wearing hard shelled armor. Alias: June bugs.

First there were black flies. And ticks. And now we have the non-poisonous, benign but pesky June Bugs. If you don’t live in an area with the beetle bugs, Google them for a visual. They are massive. Well massive according to her highness. And they come out at night – and make a buzzing noise as they pound against the screen on the windows in an effort to gain entry to the house. They just want to get close to a light. Then they hit the light source and knock themselves out. Not the smartest beings on the insect intelligence scale.

Her highness despises June bugs. A dear friend once told her the story of getting one stuck in her hair, and that image is a nightmare that her highness can never forget. So at night when we go out for our final pee, we go out in the dark. No hall light left on and no outdoor lights. Her highness would rather encounter a bear than a June bug. Go figure.

But ….we had a bit of a June bug encounter the other night…Her highness was in the DFZ having a Zoom “meeting” with two dear friends. The door to the deck was open – the one with the “dog door” screen. Her highness finished her call and it was dark outside. The lights in the dining room were off- but the lights in the kitchen were on. As her highness walked into the dining room, she heard it. That telltale buzzing sound and screen bumping sound made by a June bug who wanted in. She approached the door without turning on the light, and as she did so, the Boss came in the door – pushing the screen inward – and letting the June bug IN the house. “Aghhhhhhh” she cried as the drunken armed grape flew toward the ceiling. Her highness ran for a newspaper to try and deflect his flight path. But as she grabbed the paper, she lost sight of him. Did he go in the DFZ? Or did he go down the hallway to the BEDROOM? She ran to look for him. Meanwhile, yours truly emerged from the bedroom wondering what all the commotion was about. The Boss just rolled his eyes. One thing for sure, the grape wasn’t bouncing around any lights. They are not hard to miss. So where was he? For probably a half hour, her highness searched for the grape. No sign of him. She kept telling us to find him, but given that we have no formal training in June bug detection, we just stood there. She was afraid to go to bed for fear he was in the bedroom and would somehow seek out her hair while she was sleeping.

Just as she was about to give up her search and considered sleeping with a scarf on her head, she went into the DFZ for her slippers. She happened to glance toward a wall – and noticed the invader crawling on the floor near the pole lamp. But now what? Step on him and listen for the giant crunch? Try to pick him up with a half roll of paper towel ?

She had another idea. She ran for the garage to get a broom as we watched. She raced back to the DFZ and thankfully the grape was still there. She then used the broom to repeatedly trounce the grape. Pieces of broom went flying. And then he was suddenly gone. Like Houdini. She didn’t want to look at the end of the broom for fear he was hiding among the bristles – just waiting to fly out and go straight for her hair. So – she carefully lifted the broom and positioned it straight out and headed for the front door. “Stay clear” she shouted to me and the Boss who were watching with fascination. She walked slowly past us – like a PON in the rain- so as not to dislodge the hidden grape. She slowly opened the front door after her procession from the DFZ and as soon as she was 6 feet from the front door, she bashed the broom to the ground. Out popped the grape. She ran back in the house.

For the next few weeks, the door to the deck will be closed after dark. The Boss will no longer be allowed to bring in any “friends” from outside. I know there are dogs who would be interested in eating them. The crunch could be nice, but actually neither one of us is interested. We’ll stick with non moving biscuits.

Next to look forward to – mosquito season….

Have a good one. Peace and paws up. Stay safe.

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