Yesterday morning my human’s alarm went off at 4:30. Yes. You read that correctly. 4:30 AM. OK, we knew she was going back to work – but this seemed like overkill. Unfortunately, April 1st did not only mark her return to work – but it also marked the beginning of a MAJOR road construction project in the city. This road construction was going to include the closure of a major route into the city. A route that my human, and 24,000 other commuters take. The detour option was NOT a good idea as it was going to funnel cars into an already busy road. She KNEW that this was going to spell trouble and even went so far as to write a letter to the editor of the paper to warn people about the impending traffic doom. She wasn’t the ONLY one who wrote about it – but it didn’t appear that any other plans were made as a result of public input. So she KNEW she would need to leave extra early to be in work on time. Her plan? Get us up and out the door for the first walk by 4:45. Have both walks completed by 5:45. Then she could feed us, eat her own breakfast, shower and leave at 6:40. I usually take my medication like clockwork at 7AM – but she figured she could give it to me 20 minutes early and not throw me off. But she couldn’t give it to me much before that.
So the alarm went off and she jumped out of bed. She posted my blog for me and got dressed. Einstein and I were raring to go – we are happy to get up whenever. The FG needed to be summoned from his crate. He is NOT a morning dog. He slowly got up and crawled out, looking disheveled. Mind you – he always looks that way. My human got her coat, stuffed her pockets with treats and poop bags, donned her headlamp, and Einstein and I were off. It had rained during the night, but had stopped. We walked ALL the way down the road. We walked to the head of the public trail, but my human said it was too dark and muddy to go that way. Being the obedient dog that he is, Einstein promptly pooped in the parking lot. She scooped and put the results in the can at the head of the trail. She looked at me and said “Viktor – hurry up.” I trudged slowly behind her all the way back home. Her K9POOPOCD was building. She pleaded as we walked along. No results. She walked PAST our driveway and onto the golf course at the end of the road. Keep in mind it is STILL dark out. She is SURE I will go. Nope. We didn’t go far because she knew she still needed to walk the FG. I was TOTALLY screwing up the schedule.
We went home and I was instructed to wait outside. I was going for ANOTHER walk – with the FG. I trudged along. Down the road we went. And BACK we went. And NEITHER of us pooped. She was certain it was a conspiracy. Want to know WHY we didn’t poop- it was JUST TOO EARLY. Anyway, again we headed for the golf course. And NOW the rain started. Not just a LITTLE rain. We are talking the skies opened and it was like Niagara Falls. Of course, now the FG starts LEAPING in the air trying to catch the raindrops. And I’m trudging along. He pooped when we got to the course and my human picked up. No results from me. We headed for home.
When we got there – she put him in the house and took me out in the backyard for one LAST attempt. By now it was after 6AM. Which meant NO breakfast for her. I trudged along and stared at her.
She came in the house and announced “No breakfast for anyone. You will all get extra large helpings at dinner.” Seriously? NONE of us could have breakfast? Einstein thought he was headed back to the vet. The FG didn’t care – half the time he just stares at breakfast anyway. And yours truly was appalled. We did get treats – as she ran to jump in the shower – and to get dressed. And then Einstein gave me a dirty look as he figured this was all my fault.
When she emerged ready to head to work, she let us out for a quick pee. We raced in thinking our bowls would be full when we came back. The dream was shattered. She gave us another treat, gave me my medication a bit early – and headed for the door. She “said” she wouldn’t be LATE – but we know what that means. And she was gone.
She DID surprise us though, and she WAS home early. She took me out and begged me to poop. I looked at her, quickly trotted outside and produced one of those picture perfect poops that all K9POOPOCD humans love. I wonder how far away people could hear her shouting “GOOD BOY VIKTOR, GOOOOOOOD BOY!!!!!!!!” I’m surprised she didn’t take a photo. We walked in the door and Einstein rolled his eyes.