Viktorsviews. The Next Chapter.

The rebel and the routine

November 24, 2014Leave a Comment

So today let’s talk about routines…

For the past few days our human has been gone – and there have been some changes in our routines. Our sitter doesn’t KNOW our routines – like our human does and while it IS our job to teach her, and she HAS been here before, it isn’t always the same as when our human is here. It’s fine. But it’s different. And WE have to adapt. Which makes me just a little bit annoyed. Because frankly, when our human returns, SHE expects US to return to our routines. Well, yesterday I decided I wasn’t haven’t any of it. I was going to be a rebel and break a routine. And to tell the truth, I WAS just a little bit mad that we didn’t get to go on the trip. But before I tell you about what I did, let me give you some examples of the routines in our day.

1. WE wake up our human. Usually around 6 AM, but with this time change thing, we were shooting for 5 AM for a few weeks.

2. Frodo begins his morning barking. Which, as I have described before, takes place whenever our human is not within squirt gun range.

3. We sit obediently (sometimes) and wait while our human puts our food bowls down.

4. We eat – during which Frodo is silent – and then we go for our morning walks.

5. We pee and poop. Every morning. Even in the rain – although as we know – that IS a challenge…

6. We yogibeg (v. the act of longingly staring at our human in the hopes that she will allow us to lick her yoghurt container) while our human has her breakfast and then we allow her to finish her breakfast once she has complied with our request.

7. We allow her to shower – although as we have discussed, Frodo does, at times, continue his morning bark-a-long.

8. We prepare to begin our duties as guard dogs – which really means we get ready to sleep!

We have other routines – like Frodo INSISTING on springboarding off our human’s stomach whenever she is carrying our food dishes. He and our human have this dance routine – she steps back when he is about to launch himself, and tells him no. He steps back and then steps forward to launch himself. It’s a wonder we ever eat at all. Oh, and he succeeds 75% of the time. At springing off her stomach.

And we still have MANY other routines – but these give you a picture of how our day begins. Well yesterday, our human took us out for our morning walk. But what she didn’t know, is that I had convinced the guys to break the poop routine – kind of as a statement and protest about our human not taking us to the conference. We ALL agreed we would NOT do our morning poop. So our human took Frodo and me first for our walk. We walked ALL the way down the road. And ALL the way back home. Frodo kept looking at me, as if to indicate that this REALLY wasn’t such a good idea. But I gave him the stare. So we walked ALL the way back down the road again. And ALL the way back home. At this point, our human must have said “hurry up” about 4 million times. But I think she was on to us. I figured we would get another long walk – but she pulled our bluff and headed for the house. And at the LAST minute, Frodo bailed on the plan – and gave in. Or out. Anyway, he pooped. And got LOTS of treats.

She put us in the house, and took Paxton out, who IMMEDIATELY bailed on the plan. Which left yours truly as the last dog standing.

I finally DID poop in the afternoon and in retrospect, I’m not sure that this was the best radical plan for breaking routines and making a statement. I mean, my stomach was a bit queasy by the afternoon. But I held my poop, er my ground, and I made my point. Which I’m not really sure what the point was any more. But anyway, I made it. Literally. And figuratively. And today, well…I’m thinking that I won’t do that again. I think that going back to our regular routine is a good idea. And while I WAS annoyed with our human for going away, I really am glad that she is home. Very glad. But don’t tell her. It will be our little secret. Gotta go – Frodo is barking. Time for some breakfast!

She’s baaaaaack

November 23, 2014Leave a Comment

She’s back. Our human has returned. When she arrived home at almost 1AM, there was much rejoicing. Paxton jumped on her and put two paws on her shoulders and did a “rouw, rouw” right her face as if to say “welcome home.” Frodo barked incessantly, scolding her for going away. Me? I just did the rocket leap straight up in the air. Repeatedly.

My human confessed to the sitter that she was bit anxious to hear how things went. The truth? SURPRISE -WE WERE GOOD!!! Well except for one SMALL incident…

The oil delivery man arrived. And our sitter could see he was coming to the door with the bill. So because she knows us well, she put her bagel and coffee in the microwave – just for safe keeping while she went to answer the door. Which took all of 20 seconds. But PLENTY of time for Paxton to grab the jar of peanut butter and attempt to bury his face in it.

But other than the loss of one peanut butter jar, we were all good as gold. Seriously. We know Christmas is coming.

Our human was excited to see us too – and she told us some stories about her travels. I guess whenever she goes away, we somehow always end up as a topic in her conversations with people. And people like to share stories about their canine kids too. My human heard stories from her friends and colleagues and even strangers. Our human DOES like to talk a lot – no wonder Frodo is such a barker – we see where he gets it.

She heard a sad story abut a Cavalier who passed. I have no idea what that means – but Frodo said it had nothing to do with gas or playing cards. Our human heard about a BIG Newfoundland dog (who also passed) who used to run like CRAZY up to strangers, terrifying them – and then would promptly sit on their feet. Kind of like Bucket Head. She heard about a neurotic poodle who loves to bark at the front window at people passing by and who likes to pull on the drapes too when in this crazy state. His human hates to stop him because it’s something “he really enjoys doing”. Get me the address of THAT place. I’m moving there. He has his human VERY well trained.

Our human heard about a Saint Bernard who likes to smell flowers. Really. No joke. She saw pictures to prove it. To that one I say “watch out buddy, with that BIG nose, you might end up sucking up a bee!”

And then there is the dachshund who likes to steal empty cat food cans and put them in his bed. Now THAT one I like. In fact, I think I am going to ask for a cat for Christmas. I’m putting it on the list. It’s six pages now.

And one more – the colleague whose husband retired YEARS ago – but who has now decided that they should get a puppy. They are getting him soon – and they haven’t had a dog in like 100 years. Her husband has dreams that the dog will become a therapy dog – which is a SUPER cool job. But let’s face it – not all dogs can do it. My human NEEDS therapy because she lives with us.

So we heard all the stories and of course our human had shared a few as well. Most people didn’t know what the heck a PON is – so she had to educate (and warn) them about us. We ARE one of a kind. And while she heard lots of stories, NOBODY she talked to this week had a dog who wrote a blog! But then again, she didn’t meet anyone who had a PON…a PON named Viktor…

Uh-oh

November 22, 20141 Comment

Uh-oh. Just heard the dogsitter on the phone. It was my human. She’s on her way home. I could hear my human asking the sitter if everything was OK. The sitter said “yeeeeeeeees” – with a hesitant tone in her voice. Then my human asked if anyone stole anything or destroyed anything. The sitter said “well…I wouldn’t go that far.” Busted.

OK. I had better behave for the rest of the day. Maybe her flights will be delayed so I have some time to make up for the past few days…Wish me luck.

See ya later!

November 18, 20142 Comments

OK. The day has arrived. I see the suitcase. Our human always packs behind closed doors – so we won’t see the suitcase until she is just about ready to go. Seriously. We heard her on the phone days ago talking about going. And remember – we have EXCELLENT hearing – so we also heard the telltale sounds of the zipper on the suitcase. We figured it out days ago. But we’ll look all surprised and sad – just for effect. Remember…the dogsitter is coming…

And while all of that IS exciting – something equally exciting happened yesterday. A box arrived. A BIG box. Annnnnnnnnnnnd Frodo read something on the side of it – it said “Sweden” AND it had the word “DOG.” I thought it might be a PUPPY – but Frodo pointed out that it is a cardboard box – and puppies don’t come in those kind of boxes. He just rolled his eyes in typical Frodo fashion. So I started thinking – and I realized – it MIGHT be those interactive dog toys that my human saw on-line! I am soooo excited. But I think she is keeping them until Christmas. I bet that’s what they are. In fact, I would bet two treats that’s what they are. IMAGINE the Vik-Advisor review I will get to do after we get those things!

Well, since my human is taking her laptop with her to this “conference” thing, and I don’t have my own iPawd, I’ll be blogless for a few days. I’ll be sure to share what kind of trouble I get in, oops I mean – how good I have been, when my human returns. In the meantime, all you canines out there– continue to “Bark like nobody is listening.” You can quote me on that one. And if anyone complains, tell them Viktor said you could. Viktor. The PON.

Vik-Advisor #2

November 17, 2014Leave a Comment

Well. I have another Vik-Advisor blog! My human thought that we should write this AFTER the first snowfall – as she is kind of in denial that winter is around the corner. We haven’t had any snow yet. And then she started thinking that maybe people MIGHT want to get THIS product before the snow comes.

It all started several years ago with a snowy day and a walk with Frodo…I wasn’t even around yet. My human had a friend come over, with her two Shelties. The humans decided they should go for a walk on the golf course. Well. It was pretty snow – but wet snow – perfect for making snowmen…The story goes that they only walked for about 15 minutes, and Frodo could no longer walk. His legs and his belly were covered with giant snowballs. He sat down and couldn’t move. Our human tried to break up the snowballs – and so did her friend – to no avail. And Frodo wouldn’t move. So our human tried to carry him home. Here she is – trudging through the snow, carrying a 50 lb dog who now weighs 75 lbs with the additional weight of the snowballs. It was walk. Put Frodo down. Walk. Put Frodo down. When she finally got him home, she proceeded to make matters worse. She put him in a tub of warm water. Now the snowballs turned to ICE balls. Then she tried to blow them off with the dryer. Suffice to say, what started as a fun winter walk ended with a soggy, mad PON and a tired, achy human. So she needed a plan – because she couldn’t see him staying indoors all winter.

As usual, our human turned to the internet for answers. Which brings me to our product – the K9 Top Coat.

http://www.k9topcoat.com/

This company makes a variety of coats. And on the home page you can click what you want the coat for – for warmth, rain, snow, etc.

Admittedly, Frodo DOES look like some kind of an alien with his lycra bodysuit. And figuring out how to get the thing on the FIRST time was a bit of an acrobatic act. BUT – it REALLY, REALLY works to keep those snowballs off!

Then along came moi – and our human needed another coat. Just because she likes variety, our human ordered another type from the same company –the K9 Comfort coat. It’s more like a gortex material – and the legs are shorter. But we like this product too. Either product I would give a rating of 5 PAWS!!!! And it LOOKS like they ship EVERYWHERE!!!!! And these coats can be used not JUST for snow – but for dog shows too!!! One time Frodo was entered in a conformation show (aka beauty pageant) and it was POURING rain. My human didn’t want him to get all wet going from the car into the show site – so she got out his trusty lycra bodysuit and voila – he was dry as a pin. OK. Some of the other dogs DID laugh at him. But he got over it. Sort of.

I’ll write about boots in another blog – as they are excellent accessories.

In this video from last winter, you can see Frodo and I romping in our suits. We love them. Well. I love MINE. I think Frodo needs a Comfort Coat too. The lycra works perfectly…but he does feel like something out of a 70’s exercise video. But the bottom line – it WORKS!!! And it beats snowballs!

The dogsitter

November 15, 2014Leave a Comment

OK. Something is going on. I heard my human. She said to someone on the phone something about a “conference.” And something about a flight. I haven’t seen the suitcases yet – but if it’s true and my human is going away – that means two things: DOGSITTER and PARTEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Now don’t get me wrong – we ARE sad when our human goes away – but while she is gone we have THE BEST dogsitter who comes and lives in our house. She is a SUPER nice lady – and we have her very well trained. We go through that treat jar in no time. The first time she came here…well, it’s a MIRACLE she came back. Our human must pay her well…That first visit – well, we got away with MURDER. All of our manners went out the window…

First off, we decided that having a screen in the patio door was just silly. And since we couldn’t open it ourselves – we made our own entrance while our dogsitter was taking a shower. Canines – 1. Dogsitter -0.

Then Paxton stole some mail off the counter and did some shredding. Canines -2. Dogsitter -0.

We decided that sleeping in until 7 was ridiculous – so we kept trying to get her up earlier and earlier by squeaking like we needed to go out. We had her getting up at 6, 5, 4AM…. Canines – 3. Dogsitter – 0.

And if she went to watch TV in the rec room, we would stand upstairs and bark like there was someone at the front door. Which of course there wasn’t. We just didn’t want her watching TV. Canines – 4. Dogsitter -0.

But the best – or worst depending on your point of view, was when she came out of the bathroom and couldn’t find her cell phone. She kept walking around the house, trying to find it. And I followed her everywhere, wagging my stubby little tail as I went. Then she happened to notice that my shaggy cheeks were bulging out. Yup. I was carrying her phone around. Canines – 5. Dogsitter -0.

Now one might think that our behavior would send most people running. But she’s a very resilient human. And after a number of visits – she is now used to us. She never lets down her guard. After one visit, she actually made out a report card to give our human. Paxton got an “A”, Frodo got an “A+” (of course) and well….I got an “F.” I like to keep things interesting!!!!!

But lately, I HAVE been behaving – and we ALL have been better. In fact, the last time she was here, she told our human that she ran into one of the neighbors and asked the neighbor what our human had done to the dogs – we were so good! She thinks it’s maturity. Nah. It’s actually a ploy so that she’ll let down her guard!

We don’t want our human to go away…but we WILL make the best of it! Besides – she will probably bring us presents when she comes home!!!! Gotta love dog guilt. And extra nice dogsitters.

Vik-Advisor

November 13, 20142 Comments

Well I had a new idea this week. As we know, my human is always interested in trying out new and fun dog products. And let’s face it – some of them are PONtastic, and other things…well not so much. So I decided I will write about some of the products my human has purchased, once in a while on my blog: The Vik-Advisor. I’ll review a dog product – and give it a rating – from one to five paws. One paw will be for those things that I didn’t like – and five paws will be something I loved.

So today I will talk about something for grooming. My human seems to think that the more you pay for a grooming stuff , the easier the job will be. WRONGO. We’re PONs. There is nothing “easy” about us!!! But we have fancy brushes, organic shampoos, and an assortment of other tools to fluff and puff us. She shops on-line at doggie supply websites and at dog shows. And my human is inordinately disappointed when she has paid like $50,000 for a brush and she gets it home and tries it – and doesn’t like it. OK. Not REALLY $50,000. $40,000. Sometimes I think she thinks the brush will do the work without her! Or she gets a new shampoo, and then can’t stand the smell of it. One of the dangers of on-line shopping – you can’t do the smell test. One time she bought this fancy schmansy plastic comb and the first time she used it on Frodo, she broke two teeth! And THEN there was the time she bought this REALLY nice dog blow dryer and when it arrived, she noticed that the plug was “different” from normal plugs. So being the resourceful (but not always bright) human that she is, she made a trip to the local hardware store and talked with some also not-so-bright clerk about changing the wall socket. Long story short – she DID change the socket and was so pleased when she plugged in the dryer and it worked! For about 20 seconds until the motor blew out. Another great purchase. So some of her grooming shopping adventures have not always been successful….

But who knew that a trip to the local “human” beauty supply store could result in a purchase that makes our grooming SO much easier – and it is the CHEAPEST tool we own! My product review is for the One ‘n Only Argan Heat Professional Argan Ceramic Volume Detangling Comb. And no – I didn’t make up the name. Here’s the website for my favorite comb – and no – we are not getting any compensation for this review!

http://www.sallybeauty.com/argan-detangling-comb/SBS-345719,default,pd.html

The comb is sturdy – we have been using it for months – and no broken teeth so far! The teeth are not sharp – so they don’t scratch our skin. The handle is easy on my human’s wrist. And BEST of all – it gets out tangles – very easily! The teeth are staggered – so they go through messy hair. I would even use this tool on my human. I give this product….FIVE PAWS!!

Now I suppose I should add that this is the opinion of me. Viktor. The PON. I’m not so certain that this tool will work for everyone – but Frodo and Pax and I sure like it. Please don’t get mad at us if you buy it and it doesn’t work. The good news – if you DO buy it, and you don’t like it – it didn’t cost $50,000!! And if you DO go to buy one – tell them Viktor sent you. Viktor. The PON.

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Remember…

November 11, 2014Leave a Comment

Well. Today is an important day in Canada and the US – and actually in many countries around the world. It’s a day that we remember and honor those men and women who have served their countries in times of war – and during peacekeeping times as well. And on this day we can’t forget our military working dogs, either! We call today Veteran’s Day.

In the dog show world, the term veteran is used to describe an older dog. In the human world, the term Veteran means so much more.

Veterans are very, very special. They defended our rights and our liberties and without them, many of us would not enjoy the freedoms that we do today.

So I’m sending out a great big tail wag today to thank our Veterans – and I hope you will take out a minute today to do the same.

Say what?

November 10, 2014Leave a Comment

OK, sometimes you humans need to listen to yourselves. You say things….well…that are either stretching the truth – or sometimes just plain nonsense. Allow me to give you some examples of the kinds of lines we routinely hear in our household…

· “Where’s your sit?” This is generally said when we have been told to sit – and we are not doing so. Like at mealtime. I KNOW I am supposed to sit – but sometimes, I don’t. At which point my human utters this question. Where’s your sit? Where is it? In Hawaii. I wish I could say that. I mean, where IS it? In the refrigerator. I don’t know where it IS – but clearly it’s not here, right now. Save the polite question. Just tell me to sit. I still may not do it – but at least I won’t have a bunch of smart remarks swirling through my mind.

· “I won’t be long.” Right. You say this when you are going to be gone for ANY amount of time. Ranging from an hour – to 5 hours. Just be honest. We know you feel guilty leaving our sad faces when you are heading out the door – but just say “I will be gone for 2.5 hours.” We would appreciate knowing just how much time we have to destroy the house.

· “Who’s coming?” This is usually a TOTALLY false statement – said when you are about to take a photo. The expectation is that we will get all excited and lift our ears in that cute expression that you are hoping for. But seriously, we are on to you. Just say “smile.” We may or we may not – depending on how we are feeling that day. But don’t do the false alarm question, when no one is really coming. Remember the story of the boy who cried wolf?

· “Just two more minutes.” We hear this when we are being brushed and WE are done. Our human says this, as if it will make this boring routine that much more tolerable. Just say “I need to brush every inch of you until I am satisfied that you do not have even a TRACE of a tangle in your coat and I will do so until I am finished.” But when you say this, please keep the ever-ready supply of treats handy.

These are just a FEW examples of the way our human rambles on and talks to us and says things that don’t always make sense. And then you wonder why we, well Frodo anyway, barks all the time? He’s just doing the same thing. Back at ya human!

Hiding.

November 9, 2014Leave a Comment

OK. My brother, Frodo is weird. He has this habit. He likes to hide. Or he THINKS he is hiding. He will lie down in strange places – behind chairs, sofas, curtains – and in some of THE most awkward positions – and he acts as if we can’t see him. Seriously. I don’t get it. Maybe this behavior goes back to some ancient sheep guarding behavior – where he thinks he needs to blend into the environment. But come on! Check out these photos. Does he THINK we can’t see him?

And sometimes the places he picks can’t even be comfortable. One day, he wedged himself between the vacuum cleaner and the wall – and was resting his head on the hose. Weird I tell ya.

I don’t say anything – because I don’t want to start a fight. The other day, he even growled at me when he was wedged under the table. I’m not sure if he growled because he didn’t want me there – or because he was stuck. No worries bro – I’m not trying to squish myself in there.

In all fairness, I DID do this behavior myself in my younger days. I used to crawl under the bed – to sleep by the wall – under the headboard. After nearly knocking myself out one time when I was scrambling to get out when the doorbell rang, I decided the secret “hiding” behavior wasn’t such a great idea. But not Frodo. He’s still at it.

Well – to each his own. I still look up to him – as he is the one who has taken me with him into the DFZ. And if he wants to hide – go for it. I’m thinking of getting him a camouflage jacket for Christmas. Better that than the plaid one he has….