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Dog breeds. And cars.

Guess what?  I was ALL excited yesterday because according to a notice that came in the mail, I can drive!  The notice said it’s time to renew my license.  And Frodo’s.  And Paxton’s too.  I had NO idea we were allowed to drive. 

JUST joking.  I can’t drive. I’m too young!  And seriously, can you IMAGINE if I was allowed to drive?

There is no doubt some quiz on the internet that tells you what kind of car your dog could drive.  I couldn’t find one – but I’m SURE someone has thought of this.  It’s SO simple – for Frodo and I, it would OBVIOUSLY have to be some kind of PONtiac. So then I started thinking about other dog breeds and what they would drive.  Here’s some ideas:

·      Bernese Mountain Dog – Toyota Highlander

·      Greyhound – Chevrolet Impala

·      Bloodhound – Chevrolet Tracker

·      Siberian Husky – Chevrolet Trailblazer

·      Australian Cattle Dog – Jeep Wrangler

·      Australian Shepherd – Dodge Ramcharger

·      Standard Poodle – Chrysler Fifth Avenue

·      Labrador Retriever – Plymouth Reliant

·      Corgi – Chrysler Royal

·      Pekingese – Chrysler Imperial

·      Chihuahua – Ford Fiesta

·      Bullmastiff – Ford Taurus

·      Alaskan Malamute – Ford Expedition

·      Portuguese Water Dog – Honda Stream

·      Weimaraner – Chevrolet Silverado

That’s JUST a sampling of breeds and car models.  I could go on forever with this topic!!

So back to us PONs.  As I said, it would HAVE to be some kind of PONtiac.  My human thinks the PONtiac Tempest.  I, on the other hand think the PONtiac Chieftainwould be a PERFECT fit.  After all, who is the chief in THIS house?!

Maybe I should look into that driver’s license after all…

©  Linda Wozniak

Poop Wars

OK.  I won’t talk about snow.  We’ve had enough.  But I WILL just mention this…the weatherman issued a rainfall warning for Saturday night.  When we woke up Sunday morning, there was of 3 inches this heavy white wet stuff covering EVERYTHING.  I don’t think it rained at ALL.  I didn’t really care.  And neither did Paxton.  But Frodo.  Well, we KNOW he doesn’t like to be wet or damp.  And he doesn’t even want to go out.  So with the sloppy conditions, he and my human had what I refer to as a Poop War.  He REFUSED to poop.  Now some might argue that dogs don’t REALLY refuse to poop.  But my human is CONVINCED that Frodo does.

So here it was.  6:45 Sunday morning.  The sky was grey and everything was covered in that mysterious white stuff.  And when the white substance is soooooo wet, it forms balls on the legs of PONs.  And the more you walk, the bigger the balls get.  So my human took Frodo for his walk.  And she told him to “Hurry up.” That’s the polite human statement that means “Go poop. Now.” 

She must have said that statement 4,759 times.  And they walked.  And there were more sticky balls stuck to Frodo’s legs.  And they kept getting bigger.  And BIGGER.  My human attempted to break them up – but when you touch them, they seem to stick even MORE.  And she BEGGED him to “Hurry Up.”  She knew he needed to go –  she’s a statistician when it comes to monitoring our bodily functions.  When it appeared that he was NOT going to poop, and that he had won THIS battle, my human sadly trudged back to the house – with one gleeful, yet heavier dog – whose gait pattern was distinctly different from when he left the house. They then spent 30 minutes blow drying the giant balls off his fur.

So that’s how OUR day began.  I forgot to mention that Spring “officially” arrived Friday night.  I can’t understand why I forgot to mention it…..
That PONdominium in Florida is looking better all the time!

©  Linda Wozniak

National Goof Off Day

Well I wasn’t going to post a blog today since it is National Goof Off Day.  But I just HAD to tell you about my latest escapade.

On Friday, my human’s mother was here for the day waiting for the oil delivery man while my human was at work.  As you may recall, she was here several weeks ago, and I was on my best behavior, vying for the title of favorite Grand Dog.  That contest ended in a bit of a stalemate, so let’s just say, I didn’t feel the same motivation to be my usual angelic self this time.

While she was here, she couldn’t HELP but notice all of our bones and assorted toys spread out around the room.  So she carefully picked them ALL up and I watched the proceedings with one eye open, while lying on my bed.  She put them in the container that holds all of the canine belongings.

I never moved a MUSCLE while she was tidying up.  I just waited.  Patiently.  She finished picking up toys and bones from the whole room and sat down to read her book.  At which point I slowly got up, walked over to the toy container and looked at her.  I took out one bone.  She watched me.  And then I knocked over the container and took out EVERY bone and toy.  She watched in disbelief. She said “HEY – what are you doing?!”  I thought it was pretty obvious.  Re-decorating.  She just shook her head.  

 And of COURSE she had to tell the story to my human later. 

I DO think she still likes me best.  After all, I AM the most entertaining. Ya gotta love me!

And since all the toys and bones are prominently displayed, and my work is done, I CAN goof off for the rest of the day.  I hope you can too!!

© Linda Wozniak

Canine Craft Creations by Leonardo da Viktor

Today I decided to do a different feature on my blog because I think it’s fun to keep things interesting.  And let’s face it – we have all had enough stories about SNOW. I’m calling this blog entry Canine Craft Creations –  by Leonardo da Viktor.  OK. So I didn’t MAKE this creation – but it IS about me…

Today I’ll show you how to make a canine silhouette! And even if you’re not crafty – you CAN do this. Trust me.  If MY human can do this, you can do it!

Silhouettes are basically shadow-like images of people, animals, buildings, scenes, etc. – and they are usually done in the color black.  They were super popular in the early 1800’s – and you’ll often see them of children.  We are going to do a head silhouette – but you can do a whole body silhouette of your canine kid too.  Of course, this silhouette will be of ME.

Let me begin by warning you that head silhouettes of PONs CAN be a BIT tricky – because we have so much fur that it can be hard to make out our features.  The first time my human did this, it looked like a silhouette of a mop.  And some of you may think it still does.  But trust me – this is better than her first attempt.

First off we start with some basic supplies:

·      Dog treats and a comb or brush

·      Scissors and an X-Acto knife – or utility blade of some kind

·      Black and light cardstock paper

·      Pencil

·      Digital camera or smart phone and printer

·      Optional sticky letters and or other sticky dog decorations (like paw prints)

·      Frame to complete your masterpiece!  My human picks up old frames at yard sales and flea markets – but the dreaded Dollar Store is also a good source!

So let’s begin!

Step 1:  Have a willing dog.  

Step 2:  Comb your willing dog’s hair, so that your profile photo will show his or her features.  Have your willing dog sit – for the profile shot.  To do this, my human placed enticing treats on a chair – which were at eye level for me.  She asked me to wait – and look at the treats.  When she got a good profile photo with her smart phone, she told me I could have the treats!  She took MULTIPLE photos.

Step 3:  Print the photo in a size that will fit the frame you plan to use.

Step 4: Carefully cut out the profile from the print.  Use either scissors – or a cutting blade.  My human found that is was easier to use a cutting blade to go around my fur – but if you are good with scissors – and have a pair that is fine, you can use the scissors.

Step 5:  Take a pencil and trace the cut out profile onto black cardstock paper.

Step 6:  Again, carefully cut out the profile from the black paper.  You may wish to add some details – and be artistic!

Step 7:  With Tacky Glue, or a glue stick, adhere your black silhouette profile to a lighter cardstock and place it in the frame!

Other optional steps:  You may wish to add your dog’s name, birthdate, etc.  You can use sticky letters– or print the letters on a clear mailing label – and stick it to your cardstock.  OR – if you have really GOOD printing – just write it yourself!

And voila!  You have a vintage-looking silhouette of your canine kid! 

My human LOVES to take pictures of us (if you haven’t already figured that out!) and she also loves the look of vintage things.  So silhouettes are a fun way to take modern technology and create an old looking thing.  And the best part – it’s a shadow of ME!!!!!!  And I loved getting the treats for the photo!

If you try this with your canine kid, post your results to my Facebook page – I would love to see how they come out! If they come out great, and people ask you about them – tell them you got the instructions from Viktor the PON.  If they don’t come out, tell them your neighbor’s cat gave you the instructions.  Or Paxton. 

©  2015 Linda Wozniak

Nice humans

HELP!  It’s deeper than I thought!!!

So lots of times we read in the papers about humans who are not so nice to each other.  We read about murders and abuse and war.  The bad side of being a human.

But beneath it all, humans REALLY are not so bad.  At least most of them.  Sure there are some who are bad to the core – but I think they are in the minority.  And because they are good, that’s why we canines keep them.

And yesterday we saw an example of how nice humans can be.  Really nice. So we had the BIG snowstorm.  And I apologize about talking about snow all the time – but it’s kind of in my face right now.  Literally and figuratively.   My human was even going a little snow crazed – so she posted the attached poster on-line.  If you live in Nova Scotia, you can truly appreciate the humor.
 But back to the nice human story.  So. Here we were.  COMPLETELY snowed in.  The plow guy wouldn’t come.  He said he would get stuck in our driveway like the last time.  So my human called the guy with the backhoe.  It was BROKEN.  Seriously.  He said when he got it fixed (whenever that would be) he would do the driveway.  So we were REALLY stuck.  And then.  Out of the blue.  The phone rang.  A neighbor down the road saw the driveway and asked if he could snowblow it for us!  My human just about cried.  And he wasn’t even looking to be paid – but of course, my human DID insist on paying him. I mean she would have given him just about anything.  I suggested Paxton – but she gave me a dirty look and said no.  So a HUGE thanks to neighbor Doug for saving us.  I mean we only had one 40 lb bag of dog food left – and I was starting to get worried! 

So you see, humans CAN be nice.  Very nice.  And as I said before, THAT’S why we keep them.
Oh.  And by the way.  Happy Alien Abduction Day. I’m not joking.  Somebody somewhere is celebrating it.  Maybe on Mars.  OK, humans are nice.  But I still think a little crazy.

©  Linda Wozniak

Another use for snow…

So we survived St. Patrick’s Day and another collection of ridiculous costumes.  But my human just HAD to post one more today.  She thinks we look adorable.  I’m just happy it’s Frodo wearing the hat in this one.  And we KNOW what comes next.  The bunny ears.  God help us.  I’m packing my bags.

Which isn’t such a bad idea.  Why you ask?  Besides the dreaded rabbit ears why would I leave home?  Because. Are. You. Ready.  We are having another SNOWSTORM today.  Is this topic getting boring, or what?  No – I’m not kidding.  It’s another blizzard.  And my human is home from work – but that’s the good news.

While I don’t REALLY mind snow as a rule, this whole global warming thing is getting a bit out of hand.  Someone explain to me how having a luge run for a driveway and plows stuck in the luge run, is global warming.  Oh, I know there is a whole weather change thing happening – but enough already for this year.  I’m seriously thinking of buying a PONdominium in Florida.  Right about now, even the giant alligators are looking appealing.  As someone said, it’s like we are stuck in a giant snowglobe and as soon as the snow settles, someone gives it another shake.  I’ll be selling this stuff on Ebay until August.

Hey.  I wonder if I could throw in a set of rabbit ears with that snow…Either I sell those ears – or just bury them out there somewhere in the snow in the yard.  My human won’t find them until summer. Now maybe there IS a benefit to this snow after all….

©  Linda Wozniak

Happy Act Happy Day

So Tuesday we celebrated St. Patrick’s Day.  Well WE didn’t really CELEBRATE – we got to wear crazy attire for a photo shoot.  And got some treats.  But I would hardly call that a celebration.

But if you look on the internet, you’ll see that humans will find just about ANYTHING to celebrate.  For example, today in the US, March 19 is National Poultry Day, National Chocolate Caramel Day, Incredible Kid Day, Act Happy Day and around the world it’s another saint day – St. Joseph’s Day.  St. Joseph’s Day is celebrated big in Italian communities.  Thankfully, though, the Dollar Store doesn’t carry any St. Joseph attire.  I’m surprised my human didn’t wrap Italian sausages around my neck and try to get a photo. Like THAT would ever have worked.  I guess she knows when to NOT attempt the impossible.

As for Act Happy Day – it will be a REAL act here in “Snow”va Scotia.  People are still shoveling out from one of the biggest snowstorms of the winter.  Some people are experiencing something called “Snow rage.”  Yup.  Tempers are short with all of this white stuff.  I’m so glad I’m not a human.  I don’t NEED to go anywhere, except out in the yard to do my thing.  I don’t NEED to go to work. Or go shopping.  Or visit people.  Or shovel.  So I don’t need to ACT happy.  I just am!  Unless my human brings out a purchase from the Dollar Store…

Oh – and don’t forget – today is also “Let’s Laugh Day.”  Research has shown that laughter IS good medicine – and even FAKE laughter is good for you! Laughter reduces blood pressure, reduces stress hormone levels, and releases endorphins which ease pain and make you feel good all over.  Give it a try.  Trust me, you’ll feel good.  And if you’re sitting on the bus or standing in a crowded elevator laughing like crazy, for what appears to be no good reason, and someone asks you WHY you are laughing – tell them Viktor told you to!  Viktor the PON.

©  2015  Linda Wozniak

Happy St. Patrick’s Day…

The Luck of the Irish.  Well – clearly I am NOT Irish – and obviously not very lucky!  I am NOT impressed with this holiday garb.  This is worse than the antlers. The following are a few other photos in the obligatory holiday attire.  I can’t STAND that Dollar store….

 So today we celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.  In the province of Newfoundland, because there are so many people of Irish descent, it’s a holiday!  It’s not a holiday in Nova Scotia, but here in Halifax, one of the Irish pubs starts serving a special breakfast at 7AM.  My human went once.  Once was enough.  Let’s just say that going to work AFTER the Irish breakfast is not so easy.  Those Irish folk do enjoy a pint.  And we’re not talking milk.

In honor of the holiday, I did a little Google search – and found an Irish blessing I would like to share with you!  The author was unknown.

Lucky stars above you,
Sunshine on your way,
Many friends to love you,
Joy in work and play-
Laughter to outweigh each care,
In your heart a song-
And gladness waiting everywhere
All your whole life long! 

Especially if you own a PON.
  
OK – I added that last line…

Happy St. Patrick’s Day everyone!

© Linda Wozniak

Springtime weather. Not.

Well.  WHAT a day yesterday.  We got soooo much snow.  Personally, I thought it was OK, and so did Paxton, but Frodo – he didn’t want to poop.  It was just too deep for his derriere.  He hates that.  AND the plow guy got stuck again.  My human figured she would need a helicopter to get out this time. I was secretly hoping she wouldn’t be able to go to work today, but after numerous phone calls and a great deal of praying – one of the guys down the road who has a backhoe came and got us out.  The piles around the house are over 10 feet high.  Seriously. So I started thinking about a new money making scheme…

Since I can’t sell the dog poop on Ebay – for now- since it is all hidden again, I will sell snow.  People in hot climates would probably buy it.  And I’ll JUST sell the white stuff – not the yellow stuff.  Although, I could probably market that as rare golden snow.  I said it before – humans will buy anything.

OR, with the piles we have now, I COULD open a ski resort.  Paxton could tow people to the top, and they can ski down.  Frodo can bark directions and I’ll just collect the money.  Perfect.
The good news was we got to play Find the Bunny (or in my case, “Try and Destroy the Bunny”) and we each got a long turn with  the treat Pyramid.  Frodo goes ABSOLUTELY CRAZY batting the thing EVERYWHERE.  He totally wedged himself under the sofa when it went underneath.  I was also pretty crazy with it,  while Paxton takes a totally different approach.  He repeatedly carries it over to the carpet – where he has more control and bats it around there.  It’s a pretty efficient method. He may not be a Find the Bunny pro, but he sure can work that Pyramid.

Despite the indoor festivities, we ARE looking forward to some good runs on the trail.  How many more sleeps until Spring? 

©  Linda Wozniak

The preparation

K

Today is the day.  I get to be an exhibit.  Kind of like a dinosaur in a museum. Except I’m still alive.  We got up at 5:30 – for the bath. Seriously.  No one should be up at 5:30 on a weekend – and getting a bath!  I thought last night when I didn’t get a bath that maybe we weren’t doing this political paw shaking thing after all.  But little did I realize that my human was still working on the display – which took her until LATE last night.

So the bath began before the light of day. I don’t need to make my debut until 10 AM – so PLENTY of time for a bath and blow dry.

I’m almost dry as I type this – good thing the show site is like 6.8 minutes away.

My human THOUGHT about taking both Frodo AND me – but Paxton gets all out of sorts if we BOTH leave – so I’m going solo.

Almost time to go and break a leg.  Not literally.  But you know what I mean.  I’ll be sharing my reviews tomorrow. 

Have a great day!

© Linda Wozniak