Viktorsviews. The Next Chapter.

Herding practice

September 16, 2015Leave a Comment

So the morning after our sheepherding fiasco, my human took Frodo and I for our morning walk. And what did we see? A BIRD on the road. We both immediately lunged at the bird who of course, flew off. My human just shook her head and asked why we didn’t do that with the sheep. She is still in a bit of denial that I didn’t do anything.

But not to worry. Just as I suspected, my human couldn’t let one failure get her down. No – she found ANOTHER Herding Instinct Test in a few weeks. Oh I KNEW she would. But this time –only I am going. She is STILL placing all her hope in me. In the meantime, she is rounding up frogs for me to practice with. JUST kidding. I think.

My human made a big loaf of gluten-free cornbread the other day – she is having some people for dinner on Thursday and someone can’t eat gluten so she decided to see if the recipe would work. She wasn’t worried if it didn’t – all the ingredients are dog-edible – so no matter what happened, the experiment would not go to waste. I was secretly hoping it would be a flop. I stood and monitored every step of the baking process. It actually turned out quite good – so she is going to make another loaf for the dinner. And we DID get a sample.

Last night when my human got home after work and after doing her least favorite task in the WORLD – grocery shopping -she let us out while she brought the groceries in. She wanted us to have a pee. A minute or two later, she opened the door to let us in and she did the count. One dog. Just ONE dog. The good one. Frodo. She shouted for me and Paxton and she heard crashing in the bushes. Out of the woods emerged Bucket Head. Two dogs. And then she heard a sound in the distance. Barking. Yup. It was me. I was woodland herding. I just don’t get it – do you want me to chase things or not?! My human called and called. To my “deaf” ears. My human figured I would be back – she was just worried I would have a face of porcupine quills again. She went about feeding Frodo and Paxton – and I arrived JUST as she was putting their food dishes down. I watched through the screen door. My human could see I was quill-free – but she made me wait a minute before she let me in. I was pretty wet – it had rained earlier in the day, and the woods were wet. She looked at me and said “now you have to wait to eat.” She figured it would be my “lesson” for taking off. But she ALWAYS gives in to my adorable sad-looking face – and within two minutes I was enjoying my dinner after a great game of chase-the- rabbit.

Life is good. I have my human so well trained. But don’t let her know. She thinks SHE’S in charge!

Blowing coat.

September 15, 2015Leave a Comment

Heaven help us. If you think PONs are hard to groom – let me introduce you to a Bernese Mountain Dog who is currently doing something called “blowing coat.” Wrestling with a PON seems easier than dealing with THIS challenge.

My poor human. Yesterday she decided that Paxton was overdue for a grooming. Once upon a time, she thought Berners were a challenge to groom – and then she got us PONs. And she learned that Berners don’t mat NEARLY as easily as PONs. Although Berners require a regular brushing – every few weeks is FINE. We PONs require MUCH more brushing. So by comparison, Berners are easier. Unless they are dum-da-dum-dum – blowing coat. This a “process” that happens probably twice a year. While Berners DO shed all the time – it is increased exponentially during the “blowing coat” phase. All you have to do is LOOK at them – and HUGE tufts of hair come out. EVERYWHERE.

So yesterday, my human took Pax outside and started to brush. Frodo and I watched from inside, giving our personal comments about what was happening. My human brushed, and Paxton got smaller. And smaller. And the garbage can got more and more full. And when she was “done” she decided for some crazy reason – to ALSO give Paxton a bath. Frodo and I recently had baths – so it was Pax’s turn. Frodo and I snickered. But Pax really doesn’t care. He willingly gets in the tub and stands there with no fighting. Unlike us PON brothers – who make it appear we are being murdered – and make everyone within a 5 mile radius know it too. Pax stands and loves the washing, the scrubbing and the rinsing. And he happily stands there while the air plane engine blow dryer pushes away all the water. BUT – with a Berner who is “blowing coat” – it not ONLY pushes away water – it pushes away hair. LOTS and LOTS of hair. It flies EVERYWHERE. Before you know it – the entire room looks like a dog EXPLODED in it. There is hair EVERYWHERE. My human had to stop drying him, because she had hair in her EYES. She had to take her contacts out – she couldn’t see for the Berner hair. Seriously.

So my human “finished” with Pax and let him in the house while she proceeded to clean the tub and vacuum the room. She cleaned for probably a half hour. She gathered up a half dozen dog towels to throw in the wash. And she came in the house to grab a bite to eat. And while she was eating, Pax sat next to her. She started to pet him – and realized he wasn’t FULLY dry. And she looked at her hand and it was COVERED in Pax hair. Covered. “AGGGGGGHHHHHHHH”, she cried. She whisked him back into the grooming room. She turned on the dryer AGAIN and worked on his coat until he was, without a doubt, completely dry. And guess what? The garage looked like it did the FIRST time – with hair EVERYWHERE. So the cleaning process needed to be done. Again.

Frodo and I didn’t make a move – for fear we would be next. But after cleaning up the second round of Pax hair, there was NO chance she was going to brush or bathe us. Perfect. We hope Paxton keeps blowing coat for another three months.

Sheepishdogs

September 14, 2015Leave a Comment

Oh where to begin….

Our herding day began with our morning walk. And then, our human insisted on brushing both of us. I mean you can’t have two ragged looking sheepdogs going to meet sheep. As if the sheep would care.

It was overcast when we left home and quite cool, and when we arrived at the farm, which was about an hour away, there was a fine mist in the air. The test was running ahead of schedule – so the instructor asked my human if she wanted to bring us in early. Sure! So she ran to get Frodo– while I stayed in a crate in the car. Frodo was all excited getting out of the car. He didn’t know why, but he was. As soon as he got to the gate of the pen with the sheep, the rain became more heavy. Well we all know how much Frodo LOVES the rain. Not. His enthusiasm for getting out of the car was suddenly completely dampened. Literally. He took a few passes at the sheep, and then proceeded to pee on almost every fence post. The only thing he didn’t do was eat sheep poop. At one point, his enthusiasm returned – when he saw some Border Collies returning from the field. Now THOSE guys got his attention. But otherwise, he wandered around the pen. He had a big poop himself. He was deaf to his own name. In short, he failed.

Despite this inauspicious start, my human’s spirits were not dampened. Frodo had been on sheep several times before, years ago – and as my human recalls, it took a while for him to become interested. So 15 minutes went by very quickly. She wasn’t surprised at the result.

But my human had high hopes for me. I mean, I am interested in ALL forms of wildlife – cats, birds, porcupines, rabbits, squirrels. My human just KNEW I would be interested in sheep. How could I not?

I approached the pen with my nose to the ground and ears up. They opened the gate, and I walked in on leash. I didn’t see the sheep at first but then as I started to walk across the pen I spotted them. And I stopped in my tracks. And I almost assumed a tiny crouch. The instructor said “ahhhh!” After my brother’s performance, he wasn’t expecting much. So for a fleeting second at the very start of my 15 minutes, I proudly lived up to my name as a sheepdog...

But that was it. A fleeting second. After that, I had to pee on every post that Frodo had peed on. I also had to have a big poop. Before we had arrived, my poor human had had visions of me racing after a sheep and potentially harming one – I mean I grab Frodo and Paxton all the time. Not those sheep. The only harm from me would have been that they could have died of boredom. My human tried to encourage me. She walked with the sheep. She stared at the sheep. She tried to psychically communicate with me by envisioning me herding the sheep. It didn’t work. I stood in the middle of the pen and squeaked. Ding. My time was up.

The instructor kindly said that sometimes a dog just has an off day. And the dog can come back a week later and do fine. My human knows he just said that to be nice.

The good things? I didn’t eat sheep poop. And because it was raining – no one was taking photos or video. Not that there would have been many action shots. It was a pity really, because we looked quite handsome after our morning groom-a-thon. Wet. But handsome. That grooming was time well spent

A friend of my human joked that Frodo and I are Polish Lowland Sheepishdogs. Not funny. My human said that given our sluggish response, we could be called Polish Lowland Sleepdogs. Again – not funny. Good thing my human didn’t buy a frame for my herding certificate.

But being the glutton for punishment that my human is, I have a feeling that I WILL get to meet sheep again some day. But probably not any time in very near future. I wonder what would have happened if it had been a herd of porcupines…..

A banner day!

September 13, 2015Leave a Comment

This is IT! We are getting ready to go out the door and on to our herding adventure. What a banner day. AND it is a banner day for another reason. The marathon bathroom renovations are OVER – and my human cut the ribbon on the new bathroom this morning. She officially had a shower in the new spa. My feeling? What’s the BIG deal about getting wet? We PONs hate baths. So why all the excitement??? Humans are so strange.

We are all packed for our adventure. Water bowl. Check. Crates. Check. Long line. Check. Treats. Check. Although I understand those sheep provide their own versions of treats. Frodo says they are quite yummy. My human warned me to not even THINK about sampling them. Raincoats. Check. But we will refuse to wear them – and REALLY – what would the other herding dogs think?! I vote to leave the rainwear at home. Boots. Don’t even BOTHER.

I’ll fill you in on all the details tomorrow. This herding stuff is better than guilt gifts – and even better than Christmas! Although I’m still not even sure what sheep are….

Pillow talk and counting sheep

September 12, 2015Leave a Comment

Tomorrow is the day. The day I meet my new companions. Sheep. I’m not even sure what sheep are. As long as they don’t have quills like porcupines, I think I’ll be fine. I’m so excited. I may not be able to sleep tonight. I may have to count sheep. Pun intended.

And so far, the weather forecast is typical. Sunny with cloudy periods. And a chance of showers. If the fog doesn’t obliterate our view. Calm winds with gusts to hurricane levels. Chance of flurries. Or major squalls. OK. I made some of that up. But that’s what the weather people do! They like to cover all possible bases.

Lately Frodo and I have been making ourselves QUITE comfortable in the DFZ, when our human is not watching. Frodo moves the obviously non-obstructive gate – and I rush to follow him in. I even hide behind a chair if I know my human is going out somewhere, on the off chance that she might not realize I’m in the forbidden territory. She always finds me though, and banishes the two of us from the DFZ before she leaves. She puts double bungee cords on the gate and even doubles up the gate. She thinks it keeps us out while she is gone….

And speaking of forbidden – Paxton is up to his old tricks too. He has lately become QUITE comfy ON THE HUMAN bed if he is not being watched. But that’s not the worst part. Paxton LOVES to chew the corners off pillows. My human just put some decorative pillows on the bed the other day – only to come in the room and find the corner on one pillow was all soggy and matted. Paxtons’ handiwork. Now he is being banished from the bed. Or so our human thinks…. I must confess, I do like the taste of pillow corners as well.

Other than that, not much new here. We are adjusting to our human’s return to work, and we take turns with daily guard duty. We have managed to bark at two rabbits, six birds and one leaf so far this week.

I must rest up today to get ready for the big event tomorrow. Stay tuned!

September 11

September 11, 2015Leave a Comment

September 11. 14 years ago today, the world changed. In many ways. It is a sad day for many people. It was the day that a series of terrorist attacks occurred – a day in which time stopped. Not only in the US. But all around the globe.

It’s before my time – but my human remembers it well. It’s one of “those times” when humans remember where they were – and what they were doing when the news hit.

My human has a good friend who was at the Pentagon during the attacks. Her friend was in the military at the time – and heroically came to the aid of victims. She is proud to call Janet D. her friend.

To go into the details about all the humans who helped during this crisis would take pages and pages. But we also can’t forget the other heroes – the Search and Rescue dogs who worked within the destruction. There were dozens and dozens of dogs and their handlers who searched Ground Zero and the Pentagon for survivors. Those dogs were amazing. Many of them had no protective gear. All of the dogs who worked at Ground Zero have now gone on to the Rainbow Bridge -except one. A Golden Retriever, named Bretagne who celebrated her 16th birthday. She had a big party – and she deserved it. To see Bretagne, please take a few minutes to watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezcHy8DkrmE

All the other SAR dogs are now at the Rainbow Bridge. Actually – that’s not correct. They have all gone right over the Bridge and straight to heaven.

Today – take a moment to think about all those lives lost on 911. And think of the human heroes – and the canine heroes who helped after the tragedy. Think of all those dogs who stood by and worked with their handlers in horrid conditions. And they did it because that’s what we dogs do. We help you humans. It’s our job.

Making the list

September 10, 2015Leave a Comment

So she was surfing again. My human. On the Internet. And she came across this site that had all this non-scientific info about different dog breeds. For example: which breeds live the longest; which are the laziest; which are the smartest, etc. etc. So of COURSE she had to find out which lists we PONs were on. Seems we didn’t make the smart list. So right there you know these lists are bogus. We DID make the healthiest list. We didn’t make the “quietest list.” That’s thanks to Frodo.

Paxton and his Berner cousins made the “most active” list AND the “laziest” list. Figure THAT one out. I’m not joking! Berners also made the #1 spot in breeds that have the highest medical costs. If they all have the habit of eating ANYTHING – like Pax, it is no wonder – those surgeries to remove inedible objects are NOT cheap! And we know ALL about it.

And get this – Border Collies were #1 on the smart list, and they also made the list for breeds that get lost most often. Seriously. Now THAT doesn’t seem very SMART does it?!

We didn’t make any other lists. Not the fastest. Not the most likely to bite people (thank goodness). Not the cheapest or the most expensive. Not the best lap dog – although I DO try.

I think they need OTHER categories. Like the most comedic. Or the most calculating. Or the best escape artists. Or the best squeakers when there is nothing to do. Or the most likely to run for political office. So who do I see about running more “research?” I need to get on this one….

FRO-SUB

September 9, 2015Leave a Comment

Barking. I have talked about it before – but it really is an issue in this house – and my human wonders if other dog people, PON owners in particular, experience the same thing. Our main barker is Frodo. Frodo barks when my human gets up. He barks when she goes in the bathroom to get dressed. He barks to tell my human to hurry up and take us out. And then, even after his walk, he barks. My human discovered that the other day. The routine is to take Frodo and me for our walk. Then Paxton goes for his walk. So Frodo and I went out and did our thing and returned home. As my human was walking up our peaceful country road with Pax, she heard a strange sound in the distance. She was quite far from the house, but she heard SOMETHING. Was it a loon? Some other bird? What WAS it? It was a strange sound. Coyote? They are not usually out in the day time. And then she recognized that yip-yip-yap sound. Frodo. She FLEW down the road, dragging poor Pax. Of course as soon as she was within 20 feet of the front door, the barking stopped. When she threw open the front door, all was silent. He’s no fool. He wasn’t going to be caught IN the act.

Even when my human tells Frodo to be quiet – like while she is preparing our meals, he STILL has to have at LEAST one more bark.

Paxton USED to be a quiet, easy-going kind of dog. He would certainly bark if someone arrived – or if he heard something, but he didn’t bark just for the sake of barking. But now, he has been trained by Frodo. Sometimes, he just looks at my human and barks. Usually if she has JUST sat down to relax for a minute. Pax does the woof. Woof. Woof. So my human gets up, takes him out, and he doesn’t even NEED to go out. He is a successful graduate of FRO-SUB – the Frodo School of Unnecessary Barking.

I’m still a pretty quiet guy. ALTHOUGH, when my human comes home and she lets us out for a pee – I bark like crazy at Frodo and Paxton. Like I haven’t just been with them for the past 3 hours. My bark is more like a rally cry to get up and out for a run. It has a purpose. Sort of.

So any of you humans who have a quiet dog out there– and you would like him to be a bit more “outgoing” – send him or her to FRO-SUB for a week. Guaranteed – it will no longer be a problem. Or your money back.

Last vacation day

September 8, 2015Leave a Comment

So. Last day of my human’s vacation. It started out perfectly – with walks. We let her sleep in until 6 – don’t want her to sleep in toooooo long – it will be hard to get up tomorrow, so might as well start getting back into the groove. Out comes the headlamp for our morning jaunt tomorrow.

My human is starting to look at the long range weather forecast for next weekend. Now isn’t THAT a waste of time. I mean, the weather people can’t even tell us what it will be like in another hour – let alone next Sunday. But she’ll keep looking at it. As if she visualizes a little “sun” on Sunday, it will happen. And why the interest in the weather? Next Sunday is…….HERDING DAY!!!

For some odd reason, my human doesn’t want it to rain. Possibly because she knows that if it DOES rain, we PONs will not even want to get out of our vehicle. Let alone run around mud puddles. Well certainly Frodo won’t. How embarrassing would THAT be? All these other herding breeds dashing around after sheep in the mud, and the PON wouldn’t get out of the car. Honestly, if it is pouring rain, I don’t think my human would attempt to take Frodo. He just wouldn’t do it. He has already seen sheep, and while he thought they were OK, I don’t think he liked them enough to chase them in the rain. Now as for ME – that’s the big question. Will I be interested in them? And what if it is raining? Oh the excitement of the unknown.

So far, the weather people have posted a little sun with a tiny white cloud on Sunday next week. So start saying those good weather prayers. If we all do – I know it can happen!

Excuse me while I go and bug my human. After all, she is off and I have lots of training to do with her. Have a great day!

Labor Day

September 7, 2015Leave a Comment

September 7. It’s Labor Day in the US and Canada. A day to honor workers and the labor movement. AND a day OFF from labor for many people. Including my human.

In our house, we dogs work hard every day. Here are just SOME of the jobs we do….

We provide wake up service every morning. Heaven forbid our human should sleep in, even if she is on vacation. It is OUR job to get her up. Even if it involves giving her a fat lip in the process.

We are exercise trainers – making sure our human gets out EVERY day – taking us for a walk.

We are cleaners – consuming any food crumbs we find on any surface. We do an exceptional job of cleaning our food bowls. Repeatedly.

We are groomers – licking each other, and ourselves, and I also provide specialized hair styling service by trimming Frodo’s ears.

Of course we are security guards, alerting our human to any mysterious sounds, (generally in the middle of the night) and to the presence of those threatening bunnies any time of day.

We SOMETIMES provide delivery services by carrying the newspaper home from the road – but that one is hit or miss. The paper often ends up in the ditch.

Let’s see. What other work do we do? Paxton provides garbage disposal services – eating anything. Mostly things he shouldn’t eat.

We are welcome greeters – saying “hello” to anyone who arrives at our home – including our human. We greet her whenever she has been gone. Even if she was just in another room. Like when she comes out of the bathroom.

We provide physic services – with our ability to read our human’s mind – when she is thinking about taking us for a walk or a drive. We also know when she is about to give us a bath. So we run.

We are weather forecasters. If you open the front door, and we PONs refuse to go out, it is raining.

We are clowns – especially me, with our ability to make our human laugh.

And most importantly – our biggest job is to train humans. They are not an easy species to work with, but I think I’d rather have one of them than a chimp. Or a dolphin. And I DEFINITELY would rather have a human rather than a porcupine. So we’ll continue with our role as trainers – and try to make our humans the best they can be. It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it. And really, the job benefits ARE pretty good…