Work…

This week was our human’s first week back at work after the Christmas holidays.  Someone has to work to pay for our dog food.  And our toys.  And our bed.  And our raincoats and boots and bones….Anyway, that’s what she tells us.  I wonder what kind of job I could be paid to do….Security guard?   Nah.  Frodo could do that one. He’s always giving out warning barks.  Mind you – he barks for EVERYTHING…. Construction worker?  Nah.   Again Frodo could do that – he is great at digging. … Truck driver?  Nah.  Paxton can haul a cart – so he could no doubt drive a truck and do that job.  But don’t ask him to drive a taxi.  He would always be taking crazy routes.  Hmmmmm.  What could I do?????  Newspaper delivery man?  Maybe.  I do like to carry the paper.  But then I shred it – so that won’t work…  Advertising or sales?  Maybe.  People have been following my suggestions on dog related things to buy so that’s a start….  Model?  Maybe.  I AM pretty cute. …Clown?  Another possibility – for obvious reasons. …Story teller?  That would work…but what’s the salary?  And does it include a company car?  I doubt it.  Therapy dog?  No – my human says she NEEDS therapy because of me…. Sheep herder?  ABSOLUTELY!  If I could convince my human to get some sheep…I guess I’ll just continue to lead my life of leisure and allow my human to bring home the cash.  WAIT!  I have it!  Taste tester at a dog treat company!!!!!!!!!!!  Now wouldn’t THAT be sweet?!  Either that – or I have another one that would be PERFECT for me….a job that totally fits me.  I could be a politician!!!!  Seriously – I AM sooooo good at telling stories…..now to start my campaign…..

©  2015 Linda Wozniak

Another Vik-Advisor – the dog bed wins!

So.  I guess that money WAS well spent.  Yes, I have begun to use the new dog bed.  AND – I have NOT been ripping the fleece.  I kinda like it!  Mind you – I am the ONLY dog using it.

Frodo likes to lie next to it.  If he could, he would squish himself UNDER it.  It’s that whole hiding thing.

And Paxton – well he hasn’t even attempted to go on it yet.  I THINK it’s because he heard some words like “stripped screw” when it was being assembled.  Now it wouldn’t be a long fall for him – but I think he just doesn’t want to take the chance if the whole thing collapses.  Which is fine by me.  I get to keep it all for myself

The bed is a Kuranda bed.  kuranda.com   We got the aluminum version.  Without the fleece covering, the thing would be VERY hard to destroy.  My human ordered the fleece covering – which was extra – and my FIRST instinct was to shred it – as Pax and I have done in the past.  Actually, if you will recall, the last bed we had lasted less than an hour and it was FRODO who did that job.  But after the first day and after the first warning NOT to shred it, we haven’t been tempted.  So far.

The bed does take assembly which my human found a BIT of a challenge – but after much tugging and shoving – it is together – and it is VERY sturdy (despite the fact that I joke it isn’t). A size large would be fine for one PON – but we got the Extra Large for two of us.  So far it’s like I have my very own King Size Bed.  But I know that Frodo will eventually join me.  How can he not?

 I see that the company has other beds and other covers. Some of those look cool too.  The ONLY things I didn’t like: when we put in our postal code, there was no where within a million miles that we could buy one.  Well.  Maybe not THAT far.  But they DID ship to us – and the service was reasonable and quick.  The OTHER thing – in the drop down menu that helps you to pick the right size for your breed – there are no PONs listed!  The nerve.  I need to write to them about this. Seriously.

But despite those two “issues”, this bed is VERY sturdy and APPEARS pretty tough to destroy. So given that – and the fact that I AM using it – I am giving this item 5 PAWS!!!!! Well… maybe 4.5.  Since they didn’t list PONs….

©  2015  Linda Wozniak

New Olympic Sport

I have to tell you, my human is not the most coordinated human on earth.  Honestly, it’s a miracle she can walk two of us on leashes at the same time – and stay upright.  Mind you there WAS that incident last winter when she DIDN’T stay upright and ended up with a broken wrist – but in general – she can walk two of us.  Three dogs is the ultimate challenge.  But despite her lack of coordination, I must say, at times, she IS a pretty good acrobat and juggler.  Even yesterday…

-29 degrees windchill. Let me tell you – that’s pretty cold. It was dark – 6AM.  As Frodo and I walked with our human up the driveway to the road – she BEGGED us to poop quickly.  We looked at each other and agreed we SHOULD probably go quickly – that wind was cold even for us.  So I pooped first – across the road.  And here the real acrobatics begin.  Here are Frodo and I, with our noses in the air – smelling and listening for ANY possibility of wildlife.  To pick up my poop, my human must remove one of her GIANT mittens and get one of those flimsy poop bags out of her pocket.  All while she is still holding onto the two leashes (Frodo and I who are not exactly standing still), holding onto the giant mitten and battling the gale force winds – trying not to lose the poop bag.  In the dark.  Using a headlamp.  Poop number one finally scooped.  Mitten is returned to freezing hand.  Now.  We need for Frodo to do his thing – so she just needs to juggle two leashes and the full poop bag. 

Frodo decides it IS cold.  So he poops.  In the meantime, I have spotted SOMETHING down the road.  It could be a rabbit!! Or a fox!! Or a leaf.  My human keeps saying over and over again: “Leave it.”   She repeats the poop pick-up process, leaving the first full bag on the ground.  As she fumbles to tie the second bag, which is blowing in the wind, with her now frozen hand, while still holding onto the leashes one of which I am pulling, Frodo decides to poop again. Aggghhhh.  Finally.  All poop picked up.  Mitten returned to hand.  Leashes secured.  Full poop bags in hand as well.  Let’s head home.

As we turn to go back down the driveway, my human stops to grab the newspaper out of the box.  At which point Frodo and I SEE SOMETHING down our driveway.  So NOW the REAL juggling begins.  Two full poop bags, two leashes which are horizontal because we are PULLING to see what scary creature is in our driveway, one newspaper – all being held by hands with giant mittens.  My human keeps repeating over and over: “Stop. Leave it.  Stop. Leave it.”  As we inch our way down the dark driveway, with our human repeating her mantra, we can now see clearly what the scary creature is.  The neighbor’s garbage can.  Which we had earlier passed on our way UP the driveway.

After that we trotted peacefully for the door.  And now my human got to take Paxton out for his walk.  What an invigorating way to start her day!  You know, the coordination involved in winter poop pick-up could probably be an Olympic sport .  Who do I talk to about it?

©  2015 Linda Wozniak

Copycat

Just like humans, every one of us canines has our own unique personality and our own way of doing things.  Frodo and I have the same parents, but we could not be more different.  He’s the loud but reliable guy.  I’m the quiet but crazy guy – I’m kind of like a stealth bomber – you don’t see me coming and then I cause explosions!

But also like humans, we canines like to copy each other.  We do have our own way of doing things – but every now and then we see another canine doing something, and we start to copy that behavior.  And here are a few examples:

·      Paxton has always been a quiet guy in the morning.  He is happy when he gets up – and is anxious to get the day going – but he has always done so, quietly.  Frodo, on the other hand, begins the day by letting the WORLD know he is awake.  He barks.  And barks.  As he waits for our human while she gets dressed and ready to take us out, he barks.  He barks while she is getting our food ready.  He barks while she is putting on our leashes.  And now, Paxton has decided he should copy Frodo – so he also barks. We now have a chorus.  It’s CRAZY!!! I just innocently watch the proceedings.

·      Frodo, as I have talked about before, likes to “hide” in obscure places – where he THINKS he is not visible – but he clearly IS.  He wedges himself in THE most uncomfortable spots – behind tables…chairs….  And now, guess what?!  Yours truly has begun to do the same thing!  I have copied Frodo and I will try to get to his favorite spots before he does.  I’m not sure why I do it.  I just saw him doing it – so I do it too.

I just realized that in these examples, both Paxton and I have copied Frodo.  Isn’t THAT interesting.  Well you know what they say – Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!!   Just don’t tell him that I said so.  And I guess it’s a good thing that we are copying HIM – IMAGINE our household if everybody copied me….Now THAT would be interesting…

©  2014 Linda Wozniak

Snow…

So let’s talk about snow.  That white stuff that magically appears from the sky.  In our house, we canines LOVE the snow – even Frodo, who as we know, does NOT like rain.  However, I should probably clarify that we LOVE fluffy, LIGHT snow.  The kind you can run in, and roll in and play in forever.  We are not as fond of the heavy, WET snow that forms giant snowballs on our legs, bellies and worst of all, our private parts.  That’s when the snowsuits come out!

But in the last two days, we had some time to enjoy the white fluffy kind – before it turned to freezing rain.  My human ALWAYS attempts to get pictures of us in the snow.  Seriously, I would love to eat that iPhone camera.  Does she not understand that I CANNOT stop in the snow.  Well, I cannot stop most of the time – but in the snow it is even more difficult to stop.  And if I do, then I MUST see what is UNDER the snow.  Really.  I mean there COULD be something under there.  Maybe some toys.  Or bones.  Or a rabbit!  Frodo and Paxton don’t really bother doing this searching.  All the more reason why I MUST. The picture you see is me searching…

©  2015  Linda Wozniak

After Christmas shopping…eh?

Oh my gosh.  Humans.  You REALLY are something.  The lure of the after-Christmas sale can be oh-so-attractive – frequently resulting in the purchase of items that, well…one would never consider buying if they were not on sale.  What seems like “such a good deal” often ends up being something that will never actually be used.  Case in point:  these “adorable Canadian” dog sweaters that were on sale at – of all places – the grocery store.  WHAT came over my human? 

It was the 50% off.  A sign that causes many humans to act without reason.  And when my human saw that – and saw these sweaters, she thought they would be the “perfect” addition to our wardrobe.  Did she buy one?  Nope – she bought two – in a size large.  Thank goodness they didn’t have an extra large – so Paxton was spared the experience… 

First off, you KNOW how Frodo despises attire.  I don’t mind, but honestly, I have no need for a sweater.  But the REAL problem: the size large must be like the size large at the Dollar Store – made for an obese Chihuahua.  My human struggled to get me into it long enough to take the photo.  I couldn’t even run away – the thing is too tight.  It is like wearing a straight jacket.  My human didn’t even TRY to put it on Frodo – he gave her the “look” and she figured it wasn’t worth the struggle. Admittedly, I DO look cute AND patriotic in the photo – but then I always look cute. So much for that great after-Christmas bargain.

And God help us, she is going shopping again today…

©  2015 Linda Wozniak

Christmas gifts. Part II.

OK.  So let’s talk about the first of the interactive dog toys that we got for Christmas. Actually, I think my human got them for herself – they are more entertainment for her than they are for us. 

She purchased three “board game” interactive toys.  They come at different levels of difficulty.  And for SOME reason, my human thought we were SO intelligent that she could skip Level 1 – and get one Level 2 and two of the Level 3 toys – which are considered “difficult”.   Why didn’t she just buy us a chess set?  I love her – but I think she overestimated our intelligence.  Well, maybe not our intelligence – but our patience.

So far we have tried the Dog Trubble toy.  There are these pegs in which one places a treat.  The pegs are placed in a slot that is on a board and the slot winds along the board in a snake-like pattern.  The pegs can only be removed in one spot on the board.  There are five pegs.  

First error in introduction was in assuming we could actually move the pegs along the snake trail.  Luckily, my human figured that out after I tried to turn the whole game board over.  So she quickly started at Step one – simply removing the peg from the board.  Got it.  Now.  Move the peg one inch on the board.  Got it.  2 inches.  Got it.  I was finally able to move it around one curve, at which point I was huffing and puffing – the excitement of getting those treats out of the peg was tooooo much.  I had to take a break.

Then it was Frodo’s turn.  The so-called “genius”.  Guess what?  Not so much a genius after all.  He would just sit and bark at my human as if to say “move the peg yourself.  This is B-O-R-I-N-G.”  He didn’t play the game very long.

Paxton?  Well, as expected, he tried to chew the pegs off the board.  He was SERIOUSLY going to destroy the thing.  There were bite marks in the peg in .025 seconds.  This is NOT a game for Pax.

So we’ll see if I can work up to moving the pegs further – and EVENTUALLY to having more than one peg on the board.  I figure maybe that will be our goal for 2015.  As for the Level 3 games…anybody know a bored Border Collie who is looking for something to do?

©  2015  Linda Wozniak

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!  As you can see, my human managed to find ANOTHER head band for us to wear.  First it was the birthday band, then we had those goofy Halloween bands and then of course it was the antlers. PLEASE tell me they don’t make these things for Valentine’s Day.  I am moving out before the Easter Bunny ears become available.

Well, we survived the “eve” thing – we watched the Big Ball drop in Times Square. On TV.  But we had to wait up until 1AM with the time difference.  Seriously, I just don’t get that.  Loads of humans stand in freezing cold temperatures to watch a shiny ball come down out of the sky.  And it’s not like you can even retrieve the thing.  And whoa- it comes down, people sing and that’s it.  And they wait a looooonnnggggg time for it to come down.  Remember what I always say about us canines being smarter than humans?  Again I rest my case…

Well.  It looks like I have already met one of my resolutions!  I started my Facebook page AND I have a BUNCH of Likes.  Yessssssssss!  2015 is going to be a PONtastic year.

Have a wonderful first day! I’m going to take a nap – after staying up so late!

©  2015 Linda Wozniak