Viktorsviews. The Next Chapter.

A PONderson Cooper interview…

October 10, 20141 Comment

Hi everyone. It’s PONderson Cooper from PNN (PON News Network) and today I will interview my “other brother” – Paxton, the Bernese Mountain Dog.

Viktor: Hello Paxton, how are you today.

Paxton: Frodo told me that I will get extra biscuits if I do this interview. Is that correct? And DON’T call yourself PONderson Cooper.

Viktor: Yeah. Yeah. Now please just answer my questions…

Paxton: Fire away bro.

Viktor: So what is it like to be a Bernese Mountain Dog?

Paxton: What an interesting question….Well, I’ve never been a Chihuahua or a PON – so it’s not like I can make a comparison. Mind you I LIVE with you two PONs so I guess I DO have something to compare. Being in the minority in this house is QUITE a unique experience…

Viktor: Just tell me what Bernese Mountain Dogs are like, OK? Can you do that?

Paxton: Chill bro. OK, it’s GREAT to be a Bernese Mountain Dog. We are big, we like people and other dogs, we like to eat – all kinds of things – we like drafting…

Viktor: Drafting? Does that have something to do with beer?

Paxton: No bro. Drafting is pulling a cart.

Viktor: Cool! And why do you draft?

Paxton: We were originally farm dogs. We would pull carts to the market. And we would guard our farms and drive cattle.

Viktor: YOU have a drivers license??!!!! What kind of car do you have?!!!! Can you take me to the mall later?

Paxton: Not THAT kind of driving bro. Driving as in moving cattle around.

Viktor: You move cattle?! I move sheep! I probably could move cattle – actually ANYTHING that sees ME coming would move. Away. Fast.

Paxton: I thought this interview was supposed to be about ME.

Viktor: Oh right. So. You like to go in the lake. Why do you do that?

Paxton: That’s a simple one. To get away from you and Frodo. You guys don’t like the water. So I walk out a short distance in the water and sit on a big rock. And you two stand on the shore, watching me. And you won’t come out there. It’s my Zen place.

Viktor: OK. So. What’s it like to live with two PONs?

Paxton: Seriously? You want to know? Well let’s just put it this way – it’s a good thing I have a SUPER temperament. When Frodo came along, I was quite happy – he’s a quiet, low key kind of guy. Life was good. And then….you came along….and life has never been the same…

Viktor: So I am a life-changer!

Paxton: That’s one way of putting it…But I have managed to train you to help me shred things – and we DID have that day that we destroyed the dog bed. You started it and I helped.

Viktor: No. I think YOU started it and I helped.

Paxton: Whatever. Good times…

Viktor: Can I lick your face now?

Paxton: No. Just pass the biscuits.

The badness spree.

October 9, 2014Leave a Comment

Uh oh. Our human just arrived back from a trip to the airport. She has no suitcase and she is alone. It appears the badness spree is over.

You see, for the last 5 days we have had company. An old friend of our human’s from university came to visit her here in Nova Scotia all the way from Texas. And for the last 5 days we have been, how can I put this, on our almost worst behavior. I think it was the full moon. But no matter what the cause -it was a badness spree.

Our human’s friend, thankfully LOVES dogs and she is SUPER nice– but quite honestly, we used that to our advantage. We jumped on her, we attempted to steal things, we bolted through doors, we begged – we broke ALL the rules. Kind of like a bad child at the grocery store. Our human was MORTIFIED – but her friend did not mind one bit and even laughed at our antics. Which egged us on more. Paxton slobbered her pants. And after a short walk, Paxton and I even ran away. But we DID come back. It was total PONdemonium.

Now despite our less than desirable behavior, we DID have a FEW moments of goodness. And she even commented how good we were. That’s because those few moments were in such contrast to our bad moments. And when she was leaving she gave each of us a hug and said how much she would miss us and she WOULD love to come back. Clearly she enjoyed the entertainment.

When our human returned from the airport, we quickly looked at each other and said uh-oh. Busted. Back to the obedience lessons. Hey – anyone want to come for a visit??!

What’s in a Name?

October 8, 2014Leave a Comment

So the other day, my human was talking to someone and she said something about us PONs doing something. Her friend said “PON?” “What’s a PON?”

OK, we PONs know that P.O.N. comes from Polski Owczarek Nizinny – the Polish words for Polish Lowland Sheepdog. In an almost English sounding translation – polskee ahv char-ek ni szhinee. Clearly, PON is easier! But honestly, while I am very proud of my Polish heritage, I’m wondering who thought up our nickname. I mean think about it – many, many breeds have shortened versions of their names that…well…are kinda easy to figure out. Dobermans are sometimes called Dobes, Labrador Retrievers are Labs, Golden Retrievers are Goldens, Shetland Sheepdogs are Shelties, Bernese Mountain Dogs are Berners, Saint Bernards are Saints, Keeshonds are Kees, Scottish Terriers are Scotties, Yorkshire Terriers are Yorkies…the list goes on. So why aren’t we Polies? Or Pols?? Really why not? Wouldn’t that be easy? We’re clever dogs – who thought this up?

Mind you…then I guess if all dogs’ names were shortened then Airedale terriers would be Airies, Beagles would be Beas, Boxers would be Boxes, Pointers would be Points, Poodles would be Poos… and Shih tzus would be….OK. Maybe this shortening idea isn’t such a good one after all.

I AM thinking though, that it would be nice if our human knew a few words in Polish. She does know a couple – like “Good Morning” – which she rarely uses with us when we jump repeatedly on the bed – and “sit” – which we pretend not to know. Beyond that, although her grandmother tried to teach her some Polish, her repertoire is pretty limited. I mean we’ll still keep her but I do think that if she did speak to us in Polish, we would be much, much better behaved…

So for all those people who are wondering what PON means – now you know. It’s different than other nicknames. But then so are we. And you know – now that I think about it…we ARE very unique – and I’m thinking we should keep PON after all….

Digital PONtography

October 8, 2014Leave a Comment

So today our topic will be digital PONtography.

Taking pictures of us canine kids can be a real challenge – and my human knows all about it. Let me begin with a little story…

A couple of years ago, our human had a VERY nice digital camera. And she had this “great idea.” She set the camera up on a tripod and was going to get a photo of all three of us boys and her in a timed release photo. She told us to sit and stay, hit the shutter and raced over to where we were sitting and sat on the ground with us. Of course we all got excited and we all got up. Photo number one – no good. She tried it again. Same result. This time she tried it with some treats. But we all looked at the treats instead of the camera. After about the 24^th try, we FINALLY stayed in place. BUT this time, after the shutter went off – we all raced for the camera. And BOOM. It hit the ground.

The man at the camera store told our human that it would cost more to fix it than buy a new camera.

After that, our human began to take ALL of our photos on an iPhone – and she still does that today. But to get a photo like the one you see here involves quite a bit of a monologue on her part – that goes something like this…..” Paxton sit. Frodo sit. Viktor sit. Everybody sit. Stay. Staaaay. Viktor sit. Waiiiiiiiit. Look here. Look. Viktor sit. Staaaaaaaaaay. Staaaaaaaay. Viktor sit. Paxton. Paxton. PAXTON. Viktor sit. Look here. Treats! Treats! Viktor sit. Good boy Frodo. Who’s coming? Viktor sit. PLEASE EVERYBODY SIT!!!!!!!!!!”

Our neighbors – who actually live a good distance away can no doubt hear this whole thing – as our human gets louder and LOUDER as the photo shoot goes on.

Eventually we all look at her and smile – just to get this photo shoot finished. Seriously, all she needed to do was say “cheese.”

Remember what I said before about us canines being superior to humans? I rest my case.

Let’s talk fashion.

October 5, 2014Leave a Comment

So yesterday morning began like most. We all got up after tormenting our human to get out of bed. It is the weekend – and she was begging for an extra 15 minutes of sleep (which we DID allow) – but then the continual jumping on and off the bed by all three of us boys finally forced her to get up. Works every time.

Frodo barked on and off while Mom was getting dressed to take us for our morning walk, which he pretty much does every day – despite Mom’s “requests” to stop. Then we all had breakfast. And then Mom came out of the garage with something in her hand. Ordinarily, Frodo and I are racing for the door – but one look at what Mom had in her hand – and Frodo ran to hide under the dining room table. As if she can’t see him there. And just WHAT did Mom have in her hand that put such fear in Frodo?! Two raincoats.

In a previous blog I talked about our lack of enthusiasm for rain – so today this blog will focus on a different topic. Fashion.

Let’s talk about raincoats. While I actually think that wearing a raincoat makes me look rather dashing, Frodo is appalled. And I THINK I know why. It all has to do with color and fit and CHOICE.

When humans shop for OUR attire, they rarely take us along to pick what WE like. At least that doesn’t happen in our house. It might have something to do with the fact that when we go into those pet stores that sell clothing, our brains explode because we are SURROUNDED by toys and TREATS and FOOD – and we can’t stand still long enough to try on a coat. As a result, we don’t ALWAYS get the attire WE prefer. And I THINK that may be Frodo’s issue….

Fashion is personal and it should fit well. However, our Mom is NOT the best at picking sizes – so we basically have three size coats in our house – a medium, a large and an extra large. Obviously, Bucket Head, er Paxton gets the extra large in a cool green color. He actually could use the jumbo size, but they don’t make them that big. I am the youngest – so I get the medium -which fits me perfectly. However, if I put on a pound or two, I’m in trouble. My coat is a beautiful cobalt blue. But Frodo – he gets the large – which is clearly too big on him. Way too big. We all know that fashion can make you feel good. But how can you feel good if you are wearing a plaid coat that looks like it was from the 70’s, and it’s too big for you? And THAT is Frodo’s problem. No wonder he hides under the table.

I won’t go into our winter weather attire just yet. The winter attire was purchased on the internet….Trust me – you WILL enjoy THAT blog. I can hardly WAIT for the first snow…..and in the meantime, I’ve been surfing the net for a new raincoat for Frodo.

Me? Stubborn?

October 4, 2014Leave a Comment

Do you know what my Mom said to me today? She said “Viktor.” (In a tone that does NOT mean I am about to receive an extra treat). She said “Viktor, when you look up the word “stubborn” in the dictionary, there is a picture of you!”

OK, I admit it. I CAN be just a little bit stubborn. Well…actually I can be a LOT stubborn. I wonder if it’s a PON thing – because even Conrad, er Frodo can be stubborn. But we are stubborn about different things – which makes life very interesting for our Mom. For example, Frodo does NOT like to be in any other room than where my Mom is. And just TRY and keep him from getting to her. One time, he was out in a large pen, and he chewed through 6 bungee cords that were securing the door – to get out. That’s either stubborn or persistent. Actually I like the sound of persistent rather than stubborn. Actually I think I’ll call it stubsistent.

As for me, well I am stubsistent when it comes to sitting and waiting for my food bowl. All three of us boys know the drill. We sit in our places while Mom gets our food dishes ready. We are told to “sit and stay.” And I know what those words mean. But every other day or so, I try and sneak to see if the food is coming. When Mom sees me, she gives me the “look” and I sit down. Sometimes. Sometimes I just stand and stare at her. Then she tells me to sit. And I stand and stare. She again says sit. And I stand and stare. Then she feeds Frodo and Paxton. And THEN I quickly sit. Mom calls it stubborn. I call it the doggie slot machine game. Sometimes Mom gets the behavior she is looking for – just like a win on a slot machine. And then sometimes, well, she just doesn’t win. It’s that intermittent reinforcement that we dogs have to give our humans – just to keep them on their toes. They call it stubborn. I call it clever…very clever. Or stubsistent.

Rules…

October 1, 2014Leave a Comment

Today’s topic will be rules. Humans seem to be full of them. No begging at the table. No jumping on people. No racing up and down the stairs. When humans are on them. Clinging to the banister. No stealing off the counters. No chasing the neighbor’s grandkids in circles. No chewing the carpet. Or each other’s ears. No sleeping on the bed…

But there are several things that come into play with rules:

1. We canines are more clever than humans give us credit for.

2. Rules are meant to be broken.

Since there are three of us boys in the household – and Paxton is so big he could almost count for two dogs…Mom says we can’t sleep on the bed. But I have two ways around this “rule.” Option number one is to play dead. Sneak up on the bed when your human is not in the room – like I did the other night while Mom was brushing her teeth before bed. And I got all comfy, cozy on the bed – in fact – here I am.

Then when Mom came in, I played dead. She said I should get down. I didn’t move. She said “Viiiiiiiiiiiiktor” in that tone that means, Viktor you NEED to get down. I didn’t move. And she then said it again, a little more loudly. I didn’t move. So then she tried to pick me up. And I didn’t move. And I let myself go totally limp. Unfortunately, the dead routine did not succeed because she DID lift me up and put me on the floor. Frodo just looked at me and rolled his eyes and said “WHEN will you learn?”

But that still left Option two. The trick is to wait until your human is sound asleep. And then you oh-so-gently, get up on the bed. Which works PERFECTLY. I waited until I was sure my Mom was asleep. I carefully climbed up and was juuuuuuust about to fall asleep, when Bucket Head decided to join me. So much for “oh-so-gently.” Seriously, it was like the bed was hit by an earthquake. And then Frodo – Mr. “I follow rules” decided to join in. Well suffice to say, we were all banished back to the floor.

So now I need to come up with an Option three. And I’m sure I will. In the meantime, I’m looking at starting a doggie union to deal with all these rules. I’ve already got a call in to my lawyer…

Dinner is served…

September 30, 2014Leave a Comment

So. Today, let’s talk about eating. I am a PON. I LOVE to eat. I will stand at the door that goes to the garage – where the dog food is stored, and I will stare longingly at the door. In the hopes that it will open. And I might rush in and find that the food bin has been left open. On the floor. For me to devour. All by myself. It’s my dream….

When I was little, I discovered one day that the food was kept in a big, bin. Bigger than me. And taller than me. But that was no deterrent to me – I just jumped in. Or tried to….Here is a photo that my Mom snapped of me with my back feet off the ground – trying to get into that bin. I was attempting to grab whatever bites of food I could get. The photo almost looks like a wig – but nope – it’s my butt! And my back legs. After that, Mom moved the food bin to higher ground. Darn.

Now while I LOVE to eat food, we also have Bucket Head, er Paxton. Paxton loves food too. Paxton actually loves to eat almost anything. Gloves, entire rolls of paper towel, hair from his own tail…Seriously, I love my big brother but he IS kinda weird when it comes to some of the stuff he will eat. The WORST was this winter…

Mom took Frodo and I for a walk one morning. We weren’t 20 feet from the front door when Mom’s feet went straight out from under her and kerplump…she sat down REALLY, REALLY hard. Then she said some word that I can’t print here, and then repeated “oh no, oh no, oh NO.” She got to her feet and said we had to go in. I said, “WHY????????? We just came out!!!” Frodo said, “Please Viktor, can you not see that our mother has injured herself? Here mother, allow me to guide you back into our residence.” Me? I still wanted to walk. Anyway. My Mom ended up going to the hospital and came home with a great big thing called a cast on her arm. And a sling… She wasn’t supposed to wear the sling all the time – but just until she got home. So she placed it on the counter…

One week later, Paxton wasn’t feeling so good. He didn’t even want to eat his supper, which was fine with me – because I was happy to have it for him. But Mom put a stop to that. Anyway, Mom took Paxton to the Vet. And do you know what the Vet found?????????????????? Two feet of sling in Paxton’s stomach!!!!!!!!!! EEEEWWWWWWWWW. He had to have…get ready…his intestinals cut open and the sling came out – all in ONE piece!!!!! EEEWWWWWWWW. And THEN when he came home – he had to wear a LAMPSHADE on his head. Well, not on his head – but around his neck. Now I LOVE to lick Paxtons’ face – but I wasn’t going near him with that get up.

Since then, he hasn’t eaten anything tooooo crazy. Mom makes sure that he can’t get things – although he HAS been known to steal the mail off the counter. And I help him shred it. Hey – we’re just doing our bit for recycling!! But as for anything bigger than an envelope – I’ll leave THAT to the lampshade guy! You would never catch me wearing one of those things!

Those humans….

September 28, 2014Leave a Comment

Howdy Blogettes!

WELL. What a wild night! And it wasn’t even a full moon! Frodo and I were up half the night. Not Paxton, though – he can sleep through anything. And Mom….well…we kinda kept her up. Why? Because we HEARD something. Outside. And we needed to alert Mom that there was SOMETHING outside. I’m PRETTY sure it was the foxes again. They like to hang out around our house. They are crafty guys. They even stole some shoes from Mom! She had left out two pairs of shoes to dry in the sun one day – and she forgot to bring them in at night. The next day – one shoe from each pair was MISSING! Foxes. I know it. They have even taken our dog toys – and THAT really makes me mad.

Last night, we heard something. And for a change, I was the first one to bark. Usually it is Frodo. But last night I started the warning. Mom got up around 3:30, and she couldn’t see anything – but she DID hear the owl. That’s not what we were barking at though. We heard something else – and I’m convinced it was the foxes.

Speaking of hearing, ya know, I really wonder why humans are considered to be “superior” to us. Think about it. They can’t smell as well as we can. They can’t HEAR as well as we can. And I’m not sure about vision – but seriously, when is the last time you saw a dog wearing glasses? Think about it.

And then there is this whole “work” thing. They go to “work” while we stay home. When I complain to my Mom that she has to go, she gives me that old standard line “Dog food doesn’t grow on trees.” Spare me. Everyone KNOWS you can’t get dog food from trees. Except maybe Paxton. He’ll eat anything – even trees. Remind me to tell you some of the stuff he has eaten. That’s a topic for a whole blog post.

So these humans. What’s the good of them? OK. So they groom us… and they feed us…and they play with us…and they give us treats…and they take us to the vet when we are sick…and they pet us…and they buy us toys…and they rub our bellies…and they…they… Wait a minute….I guess I am starting to see why we keep them after all! Even if they CAN’T hear those foxes….

I smell a…..

September 27, 2014Leave a Comment

GOOOOOD morning blogettes!

And what a BEAUTIFUL morning we are having here in Nova Scotia!!! We are experiencing a fabulous….hmmmmm….Aboriginal Peoples or Native American Summer. Gotta be careful with wording things these days! We are having crisp cool nights – and warm dry days. Perfect PON weather!

All of us went for walks this morning – and unlike the other morning when we walked the funeral march in the rain – today we were FAST. Sniffing everywhere. Sniff. Unfamiliar dog. Sniff. Cat. Sniff. Rabbit. Sniff. Human. Sniff. Leaf. Sniff. Labrador from down the road. Sniff. Sniff. Sniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiif. FOX!!!!!!!! Sniiiiiiiiiiiif. FOX!!!!!!!! Pull Frodo. PULLLLLLLLLLL. He must be here somewhere!!!!

We canines have good sniffers – something like a gazillion times better than humans. My Mom can’t smell anything. Although there IS one thing that she CAN smell. When Paxton lets out a poofy. Whoa. ANYONE can smell that!!!! Even the neighbors way up the road. The air turns green – and the paint begins to peel on the walls. Frodo’s hair actually stands up. He and I think it’s QUITE funny – and Paxton just looks around and wonders what all the fuss is about as Mom is dashing to open a window. And it’s SUPER funny if we have company!!! Oh the simple joys of life.

That’s it for my blog today folks – it’s too nice a day to be on the computer! Gotta go bark at some flying leaves!