Viktorsviews. The Next Chapter.

Dear Santa. I need bail money…

December 8, 20151 Comment

Well. Is it appropriate to ask Santa for bail money? I need to know…

I just found out that our Municipality has made some changes to our Animal Control By-Law. There are a number of changes – including more fines for barking dogs. Hint hint Frodo….

But one of the other changes is that leashes can now be no longer than 3 meters. Which, in other terms – is just under 10 feet. Well guess what? Our flexi-leashes are longer than 3 meters. By several feet…. (Note: my human lives in the Canadian world of meters and centrigrade – but she grew up amongst feet and fahrenheit – so it’s a hard habit to break).

Now I KNOW some people don’t like flexi-leashes because it IS harder to control dogs with longer length leads. And some people do NOT know how to use them. My human would never walk us using one on a city street – we don’t need 3 meters of leash length on a sidewalk! HOWEVER- living here in the boonies, we DO use flexi-leashes when we walk on the trail. Or if we walk on the golf course. And my human can reel one of us in faster than you can say “Viktor – LEAVE it.” So we HAVE used flexi-leashes successfully. In fact, if there were an Olympic sport for flexi-wrangling, my human would WIN the gold medal. Seriously. But now – our leashes are illegal…

So my question…now I’m NOT saying we WILL still use the flexi-leashes, but IF we did, and our human was taken to jail – do we dogs go to the dog pound?!!! I mean really – are WE guilty too? But this IS a hypothetical question….

Yup. Bail money is on the list. JUST in case.

Deck the Halls…

December 7, 2015Leave a Comment

Well we survived the final stage of the Christmas Explosion. The last tree is UP – and the DFZ has been secured. We were definitely not allowed in while the decorating was happening although we could watch from behind the gate, and listen to the play-by-play. At a couple of points we heard some rather “unusual” vocabulary and some strange sounds. Once when my human had all the lights on the tree, and she plugged them in – only to find out that the lights that WERE working BEFORE she put them on the tree – were now not working. Oh my, she was not happy. Then at another point, we also heard a loud SMASH when a large glass ornament hit the floor – and we heard a loud GROAN. “Tis the season to be jolly…falalalala….”

So yesterday after the last box was put away and the last needle swept up, we thought we could relax and keeping working on our lists for Santa. Wrongo. My human called Frodo and told him to come with her. Into the garage. Well the garage is where the dog food is stored. And our toys are stored. And the dog bathtub is located. Yup. Frodo got a BATH. He has a Vet appointment for a routine eye check today – so he smells all fresh and clean. Lucky him.

What’s the deadline for this Santa list? And does Santa allow you to email your list? If I have to send it via Canada Post, I’m probably sunk. Surely Santa uses email. Doesn’t he?

Krampus Day

December 5, 2015Leave a Comment

December 5. The day before St. Nicholas day. And today is also calledKrampus Day. And who is Krampus? Well. He is the evil counterpart to good Saint Nick. Krampus is the Christmas Devil. St. Nick rewards GOOD people. And Krampus punishes BAD people! He’s also known as Black Peter. He’s a scary looking devil figure. Krampusnaught, or the night before St. Nick’s Day is celebrated in many European countries – including Austria, Italy, Finland and France. And who knew – it is also celebrated in places in the US and even in Canada.

Personally, I do not like the look of the devil guy. He reportedly hits bad people with switches and chains before he drags them off to a VERY hot locale. Honestly – who would want to celebrate this guy? You humans really are strange.

MANY years ago, my human was at a flea market in Vienna, Austria. And she came across an odd postcard. Did I ever mention she collects old holiday postcards? And old dog postcards? Of course she does. Anyway she saw this card and brought it – she thought it was for Halloween. Wrongo – it’s a Krampus card. That’s when she learned about Krampus.

So now I’m just a TINY bit stressed that this guy will show up today. Let’s face it – I’m not ALWAYS the best behaved dog there is…..But REALLY – overall I AM pretty sweet. I told Frodo that if Krampus comes to get me, Frodo should bite him. Frodo said I’m on my own. And so did Pax.

So paws crossed he doesn’t show up. I PROMISE to behave. Really I do. At least for today…..

Santa’s List Day

December 4, 2015Leave a Comment

December 4. Today is Santa’s List Day. Time to look at all those things that I am wishing for this year – and to start making my list. Besides world peace and health and prosperity for all. I always put those at the top of the list. Because if Santa looks at those and thinks “hmmmmmm….those might be a challenge….” chances are he’ll look at the other things on my list that are easier to obtain – and I’ll definitely get them. Remember, we PONs are clever. Not that I don’t want world peace – but I think we ALL have to wish for that one to make it come true….

It seems that my human has AGAIN placed an order from the place in Sweden that makes dog toys. I guess Santa works in Sweden part of the year. Remember the insanely expensive interactive board games we got last year? And the fact that only one out of three games has even made it out of the box? Because none of us really understood them. Well of course my human HAD to pull the games out again last night– to give them another try.

So she started with Trubble. That’s the name of the game – and NOT ANOTHER nickname for me. It has a snake- like track on a board – and in it fits a peg in which you put treats. The peg can ONLY come out on one end of the board. The dog is supposed to move the peg along the snake-like track to get it out – and to get the treats. My human started with the peg AT the point where it comes out of the track. So I would get the idea. I figured that out and could hardly compose myself in order for her to re-fill the treats. When let loose, I attacked the whole board. Scratching and pushing and pulling. If the peg came out, it was basically luck. I had NO strategy. My human had to hold onto the board or it would have gone flying. Then I tried to chew off the pegs. After MULTIPLE tries – with me in a frenzied state, my human gave up. Then it was Frodo’s turn. He understood the fact that the peg needed to be in the exact position to get it out of the track. But if it was moved even a half inch onto the track, he didn’t want to move it. He just lay on the floor and barked at my human to get it herself. He wanted NO part of foolish games. And Pax? He just tried to eat the whole board.

So my poor dejected human went to put away the game. It was the lowest level of the games that Santa brought – so she figured if we couldn’t do THAT game, why try the higher level games. That’s why they have been sitting in the closet since LAST Christmas. But then she looked more closely at the Casino game – and thought MAYBE we could get it. It’s a series of little drawers in which you can put treats. You can also put a peg in to hold a drawer shut, which the dog has to remove to open the drawer. But first things first – I had to get the idea that the treat was IN a drawer first. And I had to learn how to pull open the drawer. Well. Low and behold. I figured it out! And my human could put the treat in different drawers, and I would sniff and find it. I actually became QUIITE systematic with it. She could even put the treats in two drawers and I could find them. Now I could NOT understand the peg part – which basically requires two steps to get the treat. But I MAY get it with more practice. My human didn’t try Casino with Frodo or Paxton– she was exhausted after doing it with me. Admittedly it WAS a bit of a challenge getting me to back off after I found the treats. I was just being thorough!!!

I’m not sure I’ll put board games on the list AGAIN this year…but then I’m not sure I put them on the list LAST year. Something tells me there is a direct connection between my human and what Santa actually brings….Seems she has a lot of clout with the guy in red…So as I continue my list, I’ll also have to add some things SHE might like. I told you I could be a politician. Excuse me while I go and continue that list…

On the radio…with Paul Harvey

December 3, 2015Leave a Comment

December 3. On this day in 1950, a man in the US began his national radio broadcast career. His name was Paul Harvey. Paul’s career spanned decades and millions of people listened to him. He told stories and often ended them with his classic line: “and now you know the REST of the story.” Some people questioned his stories – and like anyone in he spotlight, there were those who loved him and others, well who didn’t!

In 1978, Harvey presented a speech at a Farmer’s Convention – which would become a classic story called “So God Made a Farmer.” And many years later, a pardoy of that speech was made – this time as a tribute to us canine companions. Take a minute to watch this – if you haven’t already seen it! Although Mr. Harvey didn’t actually DO this tribute to us canines – I’m sure he would have approved.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDrabmm421I

In keeping with our holiday preparations, it seems only fitting to also share an actual Paul Harvey broadcast – this one about Christmas. My human heard it MANY years ago, and she has always remembered it. I hope you’ll enjoy it too!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gY2pTAAn9pc

You know….I’m thinking Frodo could become a radio broadcaster. I mean he LOVES to talk. Hey – now THERE’S and idea. A radio station JUST for dogs….Imagine the RACKET that would create! Mind you, I’m afraid Frodo would talk about me and how I torment him and Pax. And he would end up saying in his stories “and now you know the PEST of the story.” Maybe I’ll just keep that broadcasting idea to myself…

Christmas Countdown. The Advent Calendar.

December 2, 2015Leave a Comment

December 2. The countdown to Christmas has begun. Mind you, I’ve been counting down in MY mind since September. But I must confess, I am just a BIT ticked off with my human. I want to know WHERE the dog Advent Calendar is. Seriously. They make dog Advent Calendars. With a little treat for each day. There is even a video on-line that shows you how to make one – if you can’t find one in a store. So I want to know where OUR calendar is?!

Advent Calendars for humans date back to the mid 1800’s – with the first printed version, that had little doors, made in the early 20^th century. My human always had an Advent Calendar when she was a kid – but it didn’t have treats and goodies like they do nowadays. Back in the olden days, her calendars revealed a little picture each day– with the door on the 24^thopening to reveal Baby Jesus and the manger.

I actually looked into the Advent Calendar sales in general….and you know – more calendars with pet treats are sold than with pictures of Baby Jesus. I’m not sure THAT is such a good thing. I’m all about the treats – but let’s not forget WHY we are counting down the days! A good friend sent my human a digital version which is quite lovely. We’ll see what happens on the 24th!

Now I SUPPOSE the other problem with a dog Advent Calendar filled with treats would be in selecting WHO would get to open the door. I SUPPOSE we could take turns. And heaven forbid the calendar was left somewhere accessible if my human wasn’t home – we would be fast-forwarding the days leading up to Christmas in 0.38 seconds.

Anyway, we don’t HAVE a calendar so I don’t need to worry about it. But I DO need to start thinking about those Christmas cards….

WHO did this?!

December 1, 2015Leave a Comment

“Who did this?” The famous three words that humans utter when a canine has demonstrated some undesirable behavior. And yes – we heard them yesterday and for ONCE my human wasn’t REALLY sure whom she was directing them to. Usually humans know fully well WHO has performed the bad deed – whether it is stealing something, pooping or peeing somewhere that is not allowed (like peeing on the BBQ on the deck) or destroying something….

Remember how I mentioned the “incident” with the dog Christmas ornament last year? Well. SOMEONE snuck into the DFZ while my human was in the shower, and decided to “rearrange” some of the decorations on the dog tree. The irony? The choice of decorations. A regular ornament, two stuffed dog ornaments – one who had his collar removed, AN OBEDIENCE ribbon, and lastly – a little stocking that reads “GOOD DOG.” Bwhahahahahahaha. Good one.

The gate to the DFZ wasn’t fully latched. Now we can probably rule out Paxton. He doesn’t like moving the gate. At ALL. But neither Frodo nor I were in the DFZ when my human got out of the shower. Frodo was in the front hall – and I was lying comfortably in the dining room. Both of us looked TOTALLY innocent. Frodo and I are good at that. Pax, on the other hand, has NO poker face. For example, when my human came in from a walk with me the other morning, all she had to do was LOOK at Paxton and she KNEW he had done something. She came in the house to examine what it was and found a roll of half destroyed paper towel on the dog bed. His face gave him away.

But the mystery of the Christmas decorating scandal remains. She probably wouldn’t even have noticed – but the culprit DID leave the gate partly opened – which tipped her off. That’s when she went into the DFZ and saw the scene of the crime. At least whoever did it didn’t pull the ears off the dog like last year….

I’m guessing the gate to the DFZ will be securely latched from here on in. But remember, we PONs are SMART, and if we want IN – we WILL find a way. Bwhahahahahahhaha.

The two stuffed dogs, the stocking (with the message NOT visible!), another ornament AND the OBEDIENCE ribbon.

Xmas Wardrobe Malfunction.

November 30, 2015Leave a Comment

Well. Here we go again. My human managed to dig out those brutal red antler photos from last year and they are again circulating the internet. Ha Ha. Humbug. And of COURSE, she had to attempt a similar shot THIS year. I KNEW it when I saw the bag from the dreaded Dollar Store last week. But this year, I am calling the photos the “Xmas wardrobe malfunction.”

You see, everything at the Emporium for Torturous Canine Holiday Attire was made for LITTLE dogs this year. The size dogs you carry around in your purse. CLEARLY that doesn’t describe ANYONE in THIS household. There were TINY Santa hats – none of which would work for us. Yes, she COULD have purchased a human version – but let’s face it –without any strap to hold the things on our heads, that was not going to work. And while she delights in outfitting us, she is not prepared to take time to actually SEW outfits for us. Thank GOD for small miracles.

Anyway, she did manage to find a red and white colored bomber hat that she thought might work for Paxton. And she also found these brown antler things with a matching collar for Frodo. And for me. While she was a bit skeptical about the size, for some godforsaken reason she THOUGHT they would stretch.

As soon as we saw the Dollar Store bag AND the extra yummy treats ,which accompany these photo shoots, we KNEW what was coming next. Which sends ALL of us into a FRENZY. Paxton tries to run away, and I become like a wild snapping turtle – grabbing at any attire I can get my teeth on. Want to get that collar thingy with the bells on it over my head – GOOD LUCK. Frodo is a BIT more compliant and his barking decreased somewhat after the collar was on – probably because the stupid thing was choking him. OK. It wasn’t THAT bad – I shouldn’t say that – before someone reports my human to Animal Control. Mind you the ridiculous attire IS reason to report her…let alone the choking.

Once the collars were on, we were all let loose outside. And then the enticement to come and sit began – while she waved the yummy treats in front of us. So we sat. But then came the final step – putting on the head gear. Paxton didn’t seem to care – he thought he was cool because he didn’t have antlers this year. Lucky him. Our antlers had a strap with velcro that had to be STRETCHED to fit under our chin. Clearly these antlers were made for dogs with smaller heads. Hence the squished faces. And the floppy antlers….

So what you see are the best of the 1,298 shots taken. In some, Paxton is without his attire. Because I kept pulling it off. That fuzzy red hat was just TOO much for me to ignore.

My human is not TOTALLY pleased with these results – but even SHE admits that the attire wasn’t great. I’m just hoping she doesn’t think about visiting a DIFFERENT Dollar Store…

Enjoy. I’m sure you will!


Paxton: When I open my eyes, maybe those two things behind me with the antlers will have disappeared.

Paxton: Thanks Viktor for pulling off my hat! Viktor: Yeah – and it would be nice if you returned the favor. Frodo: My field of vision is decreasing…..


Frodo: Can you open your mouth? Viktor: No. Are we supposed to be reindeer or rabbits?


Frodo: Seriously. These things were made for chihuahuas. Viktor: Ya think?

Frodo: Viktor, can you still see? Viktor: Nope. Paxton: I don’t know these two.

Christmas Decorating. Baaaaa humbug.

November 29, 2015Leave a Comment

Baaaaaaaa humbug. That’s what I say about all this Christmas decorating. I thought this was going to be FUN. Little did I realize that Frodo and I would be sequestered in the hallway with a baby gate while my human made 192,000 trips to the storage closet downstairs where the Christmas decorations are stored. Actually, that’s not entirely true. Many of the decorations are in the storage closet -and then there are things in OTHER closets as well. And because she did not want Frodo and I opening EVERY box, we had to watch from the other room. But get this – Bucket Head, the guy who eats ANYTHING was allowed to stay in the action zone. Bucket Head! Mind you, when my human tells him to LIE DOWN, he usually does. She DID catch him chewing on a small piece of tissue paper that fell on the floor – but all in all he was very well behaved. Guess you become more obedient when you are a SENIOR.


Relaxing amongst the chaos…

The best part of the decorating was listening to my human mumble and grumble about how much work decorating is. Uh hello? Maybe because she goes BIT overboard in covering every horizontal surface in the house with Christmas tchotchkes. Every surface except the floor that is. Wait. There IS stuff on the floor too. She decorated two feather trees (some goose gave up his life a LONG time ago to become a Christmas decoration), she completed several miniature villages, she put up the manger (minus Baby Jesus who won’t arrive until Christmas), AND she put up the dog tree. Yes. We have a dog tree. Of course we do. All of the ornaments are dogs or are dog related – like a fire hydrant – and the garlands are made from leashes.

That’s ME on the dog tree!

Frodo on the dog tree

Oh – and our show ribbons also decorate the dog tree too. She started the marathon at 9AM, and didn’t finish until suppertime. I am NOT kidding. And WAIT – there is more to come. The REAL tree will probably be put up next weekend. And we will AGAIN be sequestered as that tree has ALL glass ornaments.

I must say, while my human loves the dog tree – her favorite part of decorating is putting out some very special Santas. VERY special. For many years, her father would carve a Santa for her and her sister. No two are alike. She has over 20 of them – and her sister does too. Here is a special one that he did the year she got a Bernese named Guinness. Paxton thinks it’s him – and that’s OK. Because it’s really ALL the Bernese she has ever been owned by. We PONs never got to meet her Dad – but I think he would have liked us. How could he not – we’re POLISH after all. And I KNOW we would have loved him…He loved dogs….

So Part 1 of the Christmas Explosion is complete. Now to convince my human that she should take ME with her when she goes tree hunting…. Now wouldn’t THAT be an adventure?!

The DFZ. Again.

November 28, 2015Leave a Comment

We are THE luckiest dogs. Seriously. Yesterday my human went to work and one of her patients in her Communication Group had a surprise for her. A special surprise. She baked dog cookies. For ME!!!! SWEET! OK. They weren’t JUST for me – they were for all of us. Wasn’t that nice?! And they are oh-so yummy!

It looks like the Christmas decorating might begin this weekend. Which means the DFZ will once again become the DFZ. For those who have read my blog since the early days – you will recall that the DFZ is the Dog Free Zone. The living room. The only room in the house where we canines are not allowed to enter. But since I started this blog, my human has “relaxed” the rules for the DFZ. In fact, when she is home and sitting in the DFZ, we are ALL allowed IN the room. The rule for “no rowdiness” still stands – but we have even managed to get the “no sitting on the furniture”” rule lifted. I KNEW we could do it.

But now, with the Christmas decorating explosion about to happen, I have a feeling the DFZ will once again be off limits. I have no idea why. OK. Maybe I do. There was that small incident with the shredded Christmas ornament last year. That little stuffed dog ornament. After Frodo and I snuck into the DFZ. And while I clearly appeared to be the culprit because I was caught standing close to the victim, I still say it was Frodo who did it.

It’s about time that I start my Christmas list. First on the list – a bigger dog food bowl. There is NEVER enough room for all the food I COULD eat. Poor Pax. He eats his food and then runs off with his bowl – so we PONs won’t attempt to get any of his miniscule leftover bits. I think he needs a bigger bowl too.

Anyway – I must go and supervise the decorating. Enjoy your weekend. I know I will!