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You know, you humans amaze me.  You have like a gazillion words in your vocabulary.  And yet you select the same old four word phrase when we canines perform some unscrupulous act.  The famous “What did you do?”  And I’ve actually heard it twice in the last two days…

Honestly – I don’t know WHY you humans say that.  I mean you can clearly SEE what we have done.  Are you expecting us to give you some other explanation?  I can even see you saying “Why do you do this?”  That really makes more sense, doesn’t it?   Isn’t that what you REALLY want to know?  What did I do?  I tore the pillowcase on my human’s bed while she was in the bathroom brushing her teeth before bed.  Well, really….tore is not exactly correct.  More like annihilated.  And it was pretty darn clear what I had done, sitting in front of the pillow with fabric hanging out of my mouth.  So asking “What did you do?” is pretty silly.  The correct question is why.  Why did I do it?  Because I could.  I had actually started on that particular piece of bedding a few weeks ago.  But then stopped.  But Saturday night I was just feeling in the mood for a little badness. Frodo just watched.  I was immediately banished from my comfy spot on the bed.  Until my human fell asleep.  And then I was back up.

My other “What did you do?” moment was yesterday morning – when my human was taking the FG out for his first pee.  We know the drill.  He goes first.  Then us PONs.  But I still had some residual badness left over from the previous night – so just as my human opened the door to take the FG out, I burst past and ran out – with my sidekick, Frodo following.  We NEVER do that.  In the morning anyway.  Maybe it was the excitement of the previous night’s snowstorm.  My human had to call us back in and say those famous words.  Again.  I just rolled my eyes.

So to help you humans, since you can’t seem to diversify your language, allow me to provide you with some other suggestions when we canines are bad.  Besides the “Why did you do this?” option, how about one of the following:

• Can you tell me why you felt the need to do this?
• Is there anything I can do to help you when these urges come on?
• What possessed you to do this?
• Can you think of something else you could have done instead of this?
• Do you need more toys to occupy your time?
• Can I take you out more?

Try those the next time your canine does something naughty.   Not that we will necessarily answer – but it definitely makes YOU look smarter.  And heck, we’ll ALWAYS take more toys and walks!

Have a good Monday!!

Well we had quite the snowfall on Friday night – and last night as well.  You know it’s going to be a stormy evening when my human comes home and changes from her “work clothes” right into her pajamas.  The other night she even put on this big fuzzy robe-like thing that she got from Santa.  One look – and the FG and I immediately had to try and attack her.  She looked like a big polar bear and the fabric was so nice and fuzzy – she ended up taking it off – we were so obsessed with pulling off pieces of fluff.

On Saturday, in between storms, my human decided to get some photos of us.  Of course she did.  So what ELSE is new.  During which I learned that the FG is even SMARTER than I thought…

So before my human takes us out, she shows us that she has these REALLY tasty liver snacks.  I mean REALLY tasty.  All of us sat in the hallway before we went out, and patiently waited for our treat.  We were SO well behaved.  Until the front door was opened. That’s when the FG’s brain exploded.  We’re now used to his racing through the woods.  And leaping over logs and branches.  And us. But the remarkable thing that I noticed yesterday is his ability to calculate distance.

My human would attempt to get the three of us to sit together for a photo.  And of course, Frodo and I KNEW she had her pockets full of those liver treats.  So we essentially sat and stayed wherever she instructed.  Like stuffed dogs.  And then she had to corral the FG.  IF she manged to grab his collar as he raced by, she COULD get him to sit.  And that’s when I realized he understands distance.  He would sit with us and look at my human with his sweet expression.  And she would step back to take the photo.  And he would sit.  And she would step back – and juuuuuuuuuust as soon as he knew she was out of grabbing range, he was off.  This happened repeatedly.  And it’s not like he didn’t know about the treats.  She would give us one when we sat, and tell us how brilliant were were, and she would wave a treat in front of us as she stepped back.  But he didn’t care.  The Call of the Wild was too great for him.   My human decided a trio portrait was just out of the question – she finally gave up.  BUT – she did manage to capture a few shots that you may still enjoy.  Check out these bloopers…

So my human was reading this article about silence.  Apparently some scientists did a study with mice and they found that mice who were exposed to two hours of silence each day had new cells that formed in the area of the brain which is associated with memories, feelings and emotions.  So it is possible that silence can help your brain.  My human’s brain must be mush living with Frodo.  Silence is NOT his thing…

It starts in the morning immediately after she emerges from the bathroom.  He instructs her to hurry up and get Elroy out of his crate.  Then he barks directives about going outdoors.  The only time he DOESN’T bark about going out is when it is raining.  Then he yaps about getting his breakfast.  And after a short break, he and the FG start growling, squeaking and barking at each other while they wrestle. Frodo is forever giving his vocal opinion about things.  He is a tattletale if one of us is doing something we shouldn’t.  He is the first to sound the alarm if he hears something.  He barks when people arrive.  He barks (and embarrasses my human) at neighbors.  To which she shyly says “he’s just saying hello.”  But his TONE is “Hello. I would like to kill you.”  Not that he REALLY would.  He’s all bark.  Literally.

In the rare moments of silence in this house it can only mean one of two things.  We are ALL sleeping,  OR – someone is into something.  ESPECIALLY the FG.  If he is out of sight, and quiet – it is NOT a good sign.  While my human’s mother was visiting last week, they decided to watch a movie one night.  We were all downstairs.  And then the FG went upstairs.  My human followed him and saw he was going to lie down on the dog bed.  Which was fine.  But, in the excitement of the action movie they were watching, they didn’t hear the stealth FG go to the landing on the stairs.  He did so VERY quietly.  And proceeded to tear a hole in the carpet on the stairs.  He was VERY quiet.  But after a few minutes my human DID hear the telltale RIP RIP sound.  A lovely circle.  Right in the middle of the stair, on the edge.  Pretty soon there will BE no carpets in this house… If the FG is quiet – it can only mean trouble.

So in this house, silence IS golden when it comes to Frodo.  But Elroy, not so much.  I think they should do a study on MY brain – living with those two.  Obviously my brain MUST be quite advanced – I’m the one with the blog!   

Hopefully you just read this blog in silence.  Just THINK how good that was for your brain!  Now, excuse me while I go and meditate.  Without Frodo.  And not on a carpet with the FG…

January 6.  It’s OUR day!!!  It’s Three Kings Day.  Let’s face it – we three canines live like kings.  We have all of our meals served to us.  We have someone clean up after us. We have someone groom us – which we actually could do without.  We are given gifts for all occasions – and sometimes there isn’t even an occasion.  We’re not into gold, frankincense or myrrh but anything edible is well received.  We have comfy beds to sleep in.  Which someone else washes.  We never have to vacuum or clean – although we are happy to clean counters – or any crumbs that may hit the floor.  We approve and greet visitors.  We wear attire for special occasions.  Admittedly we are reluctant about that one – but we do it.  We take NUMEROUS photos for the pup-arazzi.  And bottom line – we RULE this household.  

In Poland, today is a holiday and many people in many other countries celebrate this day – the Epiphany – which is also know as “Little Christmas.”  It’s when the Three Wise Men came to visit Baby Jesus.  My human is SURE that there were women with those guys.  She said that they didn’t have GPS back then – so those three guys would have needed someone to show them where to go.  Mind you, those women should have also told them to bring more practical gifts.  What kid do you know wants, or needs, myrrh?  

Anyway, today have yourself a Merry “LITTLE” Christmas. Let your heart be light….

It was bound to happen.  How many times have I complained about the horrid holiday attire from the Dollar Store.  And the fact that we canines are subjected to wearing these things for photo shoots.  Well.  Apparently, a pit bull type dog in Florida did NOT want to wear his Christmas sweater.  And he protested.  In a BAD way.  He went crazy and started attacking his owners.  When my human saw the headline – “Dog attacks family members as owner tries to dress him in Christmas sweater” she had a chuckle.  But on reading the details, the story isn’t QUITE so funny.  Several people were injured and so was the dog.  In fact I’m not sure what happened to him in the end – although I know the police came and took him away.  When you read the story, though, you see that this was not an ordinary case of a ticked off family dog.  The dog had only been adopted a month before – and his name was Scarface.  Hello?  Who tries to put a Christmas sweater on a dog named Scarface???  Seems to me those humans were asking for trouble.  Mind you – no one wants to see people OR dogs hurt.  Tsk tsk.

Speaking of dressing us – my human had to make a wardrobe decision yesterday morning…

When the alarm went off at 5AM, NONE of us moved.  None of us canines anyway.  Not a muscle.  We’re not deaf.  We heard the pouring rain and the gale force winds.  We pretended we were still sleeping.  Even the FG, in his crate, kept his feet in the air, lying there quietly.  Now he doesn’t actually mind rainy weather – but he is learning to take cues from us PONs. 

My human dressed in her rainwear and she had to make the supreme decision.  Dress us in rainwear – which ACTUALLY might make us poop more slowly, because we are so busy paying attention to our attire – or let us go out naked.  She opted for the latter.  Elroy was first.  He wasn’t out with her very long at all – maybe 5 minutes.  Mind you, he didn’t REALLY care about the rain.  He just didn’t like the gale force winds rattling the fence – and the sounds it made.  I was next.  I slowly dragged myself around the house and into the backyard.  And I stood and pitifully stared at my human.  “Hurry up,” she begged.  So back and forth I walked.  Back and forth.  Finally results.  And we RACED back into the house.  And then it was Velcro dog’s turn.  My human stood in the hallway, dripping water everywhere.  But Velcro dog had seen Elroy and I when we walked in and he was having NO part of it.  My human called to him to put on his leash.  He stood and stared at her – just out of reach from the water hugger mat she was standing on.  She called again.  He stood and stared like she was speaking a foreign language.  She finally stepped toward him – off the mat.  And he stepped backwards.  She made a lunge and had him.  Dragging an obstinate PON out a doorway when it is raining – well the scene would make a great comedic video.  And Velcro dog’s poop time?  WORLD record.  I don’t think he was out there 30 seconds.  He was practically pooping in the doorway.

Just so you have an idea of how WILD it was out there…after we had our poops, my human decided to drive up to the road to get the paper -because she had discovered when she was out with the FG that under the puddles there was a film of ice.  She realized it was icy because she was wearing her rubber boots.  And they slide VERY easily.  She found herself shouting “Whoa” to Elroy, who doesn’t listen to anything – so it didn’t really make a difference.  Thankfully she slid to grassy ground.  

So she drove up to get the paper and squinted to see where the HUGE green organics bin was that she had dragged up to the road the night before.  It was gone.  Into the ditch.  Spilling the contents of Christmas turkey bones and other organics all around.  Those green bins are HEAVY.  So it really was windy.  She climbed down into the ditch (wearing her trusty headlamp – because it was still dark out), in the gale force winds and pouring rain and attempted to pick up fermenting organics that had been wrapped in newspaper,  which were now soaking wet.  Let’s just say it was not a happy start to the morning.  Actually, I take that back.  Two PONs and one human were pretty wet and grumpy but one Picard was happily smiling.  In fact, he always smiles and he’s always happy. Probably because he is planning his next bit of mischief.  Mind you, at least SOMEONE in the household is there to provide much needed comic relief.  Yup.  That’s why I keep him.  He’s always on the go.  I think I’ll call him Whirlwind now.  It fits him – and the weather.

Have a good one.  

Bunny down.  Bunny down.  Call 911.  Call K9-11.

It’s official.  Elroy is the first dog to take down a bunny in this house.  If you don’t count the two stuffed versions I destroyed.  No – he took down an even BIGGER bunny.  A cement bunny.

My human has this “thing” about cement statues in our yard.  We have a couple of cement dogs.  Here are a few.  In the first picture, it’s the dog on the left:

Then this little guy:

And this one even looks ALMOST like a PON.  If you squint.

We even have a little cement bunny.

And last summer – my human brought home a BIG bunny.  A big HEAVY bunny.

He may not LOOK heavy – but trust me – he weighs more than me and Frodo combined.  He is NOT easy to move.  Unless you are Elroy…

The other morning, my human was taking the FG out for his morning constitutional – and in typical FG fashion, he was darting back and forth on his leash.  In the bushes.  Out of the bushes.  Around my human.  Biting the leash.  Pulling the leash.  And around the bunny he went.  And my human watched in horror as Elroy went around the bunny with the leash and Bugs Bunny toppled over in slow motion.  Bad enough the 10,000 lb rabbit hit the dirt – but the trauma caused an immediate amputation of one ear.  And the FG didn’t even care.  About the injured hare…

So of COURSE, you know my human HAD to try and FIX the bunny.  She and her mother went to the home fix-it store on the weekend and bought some kind of cement adhesive to glue Humpty Bunny back together again.  BUT – they figured they should really bring the bunny IN the garage to do so.  My human’s mother supervised as my human took a wheelbarrow and grappled with the huge hare to get him in.  And that would have been fine – except she realized immediately after the bunny was on board, that the wheel on the wheelbarrow was flat.  We were watching all of these proceedings from inside.  Barking madly.  We were in a panic state as we didn’t know what she was doing with one of our favorite peeing targets.

After much pushing, shoving, grumbling and simultaneous barking, the busted Cottontail was in the garage.  Now we wait to see if this cement stuff will really hold.   

You know, I never thought another dog could cause as much chaos as me.  I’m thinking I may have met my match.  It’s a good thing we are cute!!!!!

Have a hoppy day!  Pun intended.

Well the party is over.  My human is going back to work today.  Boo hoo.  We will put on our very best sad faces as she goes out the door.  And as soon as she pulls away, let the counter surfing begin.  Mind you – I have a feeling she will have made sure there is nothing to grab.  But no harm in looking.

Yesterday began with a visit from the cable guy.  Our internet was working VERY, VERY slowly – and given that my human has no patience for slow internet, she called for help.  Last week – on THURSDAY.  And they told my human that someone would be here on Friday between 12 and 5.  My human had errands to run (like to the store to get us DOG FOOD) but she had to wait for the service guy.  At 4 they called and said they were not coming.  OoooooEeeeeeee.  Was my human annoyed.  In fact she was even more annoyed than when I take off after bunnies.  The next appointment time that would work was yesterday.  The guy arrived EARLY in the morning.  We were all sequestered on the deck while he did his work -leaving olfactory art all over the deck door.  He thought we looked pretty cute – and he was a dog lover himself.  He promptly pulled out his phone and showed my human pictures of the cute Jack Russell terrier that owns him.  Lots of pictures.  Lots and LOTS of pictures.  Turns out that my human knows the breeder of his dog – it’s a small dog world.  After seeing his photos, he fixed our modem and all seemed faster in the internet world.  Of course, as soon as he left, the speed decreased and went back to the turtle pace.  Mind you, a slightly faster turtle than before he came.  It seems we live several hundred yards away from access to the “faster” speed internet.  Go figure.  The joys of country living.

My human’s mother went home yesterday.  We will miss staring at her while she eats her yogurt.  Here is a picture of her standing and eating.  And she had a feeling that someone was watching her…

We were on our best behavior (minus the staring behavior) while she was with us.  No jumping,  No stealing things.  Her blood pressure was good – so that’s a sign that we really WERE well behaved!

Well time to rest up – we want to be sure we are all ready for my human when she gets home from work!

Have a good one!!

January 2.  And I’m already behind in my resolution to get my human out more.  We had a VERY rainy day yesterday – and in fact, when she took Frodo and I out it was like walking two bags of potatoes.  We were in no hurry to go anywhere.  Unlike the past couple of days…

I won’t be graphic, but since I know I’m writing to “dog people” I can talk about anything.  Including dog poop.  I won’t elaborate, but let’s just say that Frodo and I BOTH had a case of the “trots” after Christmas. Actually, they could be called the “turkey trots.”  It’s not like we got a lot of turkey after the big day – and certainly our paltry portions did NOT include gravy.  But it was enough to wake my human up three times one night.  And even after three visits outdoors, ONE of us STILL had hmmmm….an accident?  in the house.  And it wasn’t Elroy – he was in his crate – so he was off the hook.   And he didn’t have any problems with the trots anyway.  Unfortunately, the culprit WAS revealed – because unlike a good criminal who cleans up the evidence,  ONE of us had had some remnants on his otherwise clean Christmas coat.  Yup.  Yours truly.  Busted. 

Not only did I get the “what did you do,” speech – because I hadn’t bothered to inform my human that I needed to go out,  but I also had to be whisked into the dog tub for a shampoo.  Of the lower half of my body.  Talk about embarrassing.

I’m pleased to inform you though, that all of us are back “on track” and all is right with the world again.  The poop world anyway.

Now some will be disappointed to read this – but yesterday my human took down the Christmas decorations.  I KNOW many people keep them up until the Feast of the Three Kings, but these three kings would like to be allowed back in the DFZ – and it just won’t happen while the trees are up.  So we were sequestered yesterday while she took everything down and employed her mother to wrap ornaments.  All 52,000 of them.  I hope she paid her mother well.  Then we watched with delight as my human dragged the monstrous tree across the DFZ, into the dining room and out the deck door.  She then grappled to lift it over the railing and heaved it onto the ground below.  Leaving a trail of needles behind.  We just watched in awe.  We never had the chance to pee on the tree…but I’m thinking now that it’s outside….

So our festivities are over for now.  I’m still good with getting some kind of gift for the Three Kings.  As long as it’s not turkey.

Have a good one!

Well it is New Year’s Eve.  And like many in the world, we are QUITE happy that 2016 is coming to a close.   Now don’t get me wrong – we ARE grateful for the fact that we have a roof over our heads, clean water to drink (although SOMEONE in this house is just as happy drinking out of puddles), we DO get food in our bowls every day (despite my complaints about portion size) and we have lots of toys to play with.  But it was a challenging year as well – besides the many human celebrities that passed away this year – the biggest grieving in our household came with the loss of my big furry buddy, Paxton.  We still miss him.  All the time….

We also had some terrible health problems this year – with my human’s mother and with me…

But despite the hard parts – there were some wonderful things as well.  The most important being the arrival of Elroy!   It has taken me some time to get used to him – but he is definitely growing on me.  He is wild – but he provides a great deal of comic relief in this house!

I am grateful that people continue to read this crazy blog I write.  I don’t think I missed many (if any) days this year and although there ARE days when I sometimes think that maybe I should take a break…I somehow have managed to write about something.  Let’s face it – we three canines are a never-ending source of material!  While some might think we make up some of our stories – I assure you – our lives are better than a reality TV show.  This stuff is REAL – we couldn’t make it all up!

Tonight my human and her mother will no doubt sit in front of the TV waiting to welcome in the New Year.  If they stay up that long. And we’ll be right there with them – waiting to start a new chapter in our never boring canine lives.  A new year to chase bunnies.  A new year to play fetch.  A new year to train our human.  We have lots of work ahead of us.

Stay safe tonight – but have a glass of bubbly on me!  Cheers!

Today is December 30 – and it’s Rudyard Kipling’s birthday!  Rudyard Kipling was a famous late-Victorian poet and author – who even won a Nobel prize for literature in 1907.  He was born in India, but lived in England and the US as well.  Now when you say the name Rudyard Kipling – many people think of one of his most famous works – The Jungle Book.  That title sounds like it could be  a book about our house.  We can be pretty wild animals.

While Mr. Kipling had countless poems, short stories, children’s books and travel writings, what you may not know is that he also wrote about dogs!  He had a book called Collected Dog Stories – which was a group of stories he wrote about dogs throughout his career.  He even wrote several poems about dogs.  Here is one – but get out your tissues… 

The Power of the Dog

There is sorrow enough in the natural way
From men and women to fill our day;
And when we are certain of sorrow in store,
Why do we always arrange for more?
Brothers and sisters, I bid you beware
Of giving your heart to a dog to tear.
Buy a pup and your money will buy
Love unflinching that cannot lie–
Perfect passion and worship fed
By a kick in the ribs or a pat on the head.
Nevertheless it is hardly fair
To risk your heart to a dog to tear.
When the fourteen years which Nature permits
Are closing in asthma, or tumour, or fits,
And the vet’s unspoken prescription runs
To lethal chambers or loaded guns,
Then you will find–it’s your own affair–
But … you’ve given your heart to a dog to tear.


When the body that lived at your single will,
With its whimper of welcome, is stilled (how still!)
When the spirit that answered your every mood
Is gone–wherever it goes–for good,
You will discover how much you care,
And will give your heart to a dog to tear.


We’ve sorrow enough in the natural way,
When it comes to burying Christian clay.
Our loves are not given, but only lent,
At compound interest of cent per cent.
Though it is not always the case, I believe,
That the longer we’ve kept ’em, the more do we grieve:
For, when debts are payable, right or wrong,
A short-term loan is as bad as a long–
So why in–Heaven (before we are there)
Should we give our hearts to a dog to tear?

Rudyard Kipling 

I had a hard time finding out what kind of dogs Mr. Kipling was owned by – but I did find one source that mentioned black Aberdeen terriers (Scottish terriers).  When you read his works, you can clearly see that he was a big fan of us canines.

As I started to write this blog, my human went into our “dog library” to see if we had Kipling’s book.  Yup.  Of course, we do.  

And speaking of dog books, my human got a couple of new titles from Santa.  One of which is called How Smart is your Dog? by David Alderton.  Seriously?  A book to tell you what you already know?  Obviously, any dog who has his own blog HAS to be pretty brilliant.  Not to mention the fact that we herding breeds (PONs and Picards) have to be pretty smart to move around those sheep.  Mind you – Frodo and I don’t particularly like sheep.  But we WOULD move them.  If we HAD to.  And with the FG, there is no question those sheep will be moved around.  And around.  And around.  And around….

Perhaps while my human is off (after she has taken us on 12 walks and has played fetch 43 times), she will sit down and read some of those dog books in our library.  Perhaps she should start with some of the obedience titles.  Nah.  I would prefer the one about biscuit recipes.

Have a good one!  And Happy birthday Mr. Kipling.