So what EXACTLY goes on in the brain of Jaws?  I mean we KNOW he has the attention span of a gnat.  Training sessions with him can only last about 3.7 minutes.  Otherwise he just walks away.  And that nail trimming exercise?  That is THE ultimate test in patience for my human.  Let’s just say those nails are getting longer each day. She manages to MAYBE trim 1/1,000 of an inch off a couple of nails.  Progress is very, VERY slow.

Unlike the thoughts in Jaws’ brain.  Which are FAR from slow.  If one were to see what his mind is thinking, it would look something like this…

“That’s a cool bone.  I must chew on it.  Chew. Chew. Chew.  Wait.  The big fuzzy white one is walking by.  Must chew his tail.  Must bite his ears.  Must bark.  Must chew.  Must bark.  Must chew.  Wait.  I never noticed THAT bone before.  Must chew.  Wait.  I’m thirsty.  Must drink. Must drink.  Stop.  Is there something in the water?  Must stare.  Must stare.  Muuuuust put foot in the water.  Must splash.  Drat.  The human stopped me.  Must chew bone she gave me.  Wait.  I wonder how the outside of my plastic kennel tastes.  Must chew.  Must chew.  Wait.  I never noticed THAT bone before.  Must chew.  Wait.  These table legs are made of wood.  Must chew.  Must take the bone the human has given me.  Wait.  Those socks the human is wearing sure look tasty.  Must chew.  Wait.  Why are the other two canines running to the kitchen.  Must line up.  But  don’t know why.  What’s this yellow stuff called banana?  Must chew.  Must spit.  Must chew.  Must spit.  Must roll.  Must chew before other canine steals this thing. Hmmm.  Feeling tired.  Must lie down.  OK.  Enough of that.  Must explore.  Hmm…the gate to the DFZ has been secured.  Must try to figure out how to get in.  Wait.  I’m thirsty.  Must drink.  I need to pee.  Must stand and stare at door.  Must sit while leash is being put on.  Wait.  I don’t think I really need to pee.  Wait – what’s that on the sidewalk?  A rock.  Must chew.  Must trade for something my human has pulled from her pocket.  Must walk on wet lawn.  Must pull to go BACK in the house.  Must find the big fuzzy white one.  Must bark.  Must pull clumps of hair.  Must chew hair.  Wait.  I never noticed THAT bone before.  Wait.  This carpet is so chewable.  Wait.  Here she comes with that Bitter Apple stuff.  Must grab human pant leg as she turns to walk away. Wait.  Must look at that other grey fuzzy one.  Must play bow and bark.  Wait.  I never noticed THAT bone before.  Wait.  Must nudge human while she if attempting to eat.  Must look adorable so she will pet me.  Must chew her sleeve while she pets me.  Must continue to look adorable while doing so.”

Yes.  That’s a look at 15 minutes in the brain of Elroy.  If you’re just tired reading this – IMAGINE living with him.  AND us PONs!

As I always say, NEVER a dull moment!

Hope YOUR day isn’t dull!

Sometimes my human thinks that if they did a movie about a “Day in our lives” no one would believe it.  They would say it was pure fiction.  Hardly.  Here’s an example:

My human gets up at 5 AM.  She takes Jaws out as he needs to be first.  Puppy bladders are smaller than adult dog bladders.  While she does this, Frodo begins his “Good morning song.”  And I join in.  

My human was concerned because she didn’t like the side effects of the drug I am taking for my seizures.  It is causing me to be very wobbly in my rear end.  VERY wobbly.  Of course, she had already Googled this – AND had called the 24 hour vet clinic the night before to check on this fact – and they said it was “normal”.  And it will get better in a week or two.  But she’s not happy with “normal” so she wants to talk with someone about it ASAP. 

After she brings Jaws in, he immediately begins his hair stylist routine on Saint Frodo.  Pulling, biting, chewing – while Frodo intermittently tells him to stop.  My human readies our breakfasts and we dive in, giving her a chance to fill our water bowl and turn on her much needed coffee.  After we inhale our food, she takes Jaws out for his poop walk.  He complies quickly – although he does have a unique poop style.  Pardon my graphic description, but he’s the kind of dog who likes to leave a poop trail.  He’s too busy sniffing and looking around to stand still and leave a pile which is easy to pick up.  After he leaves his poop path, she takes him out to the road to get the paper.  Ah – but it is garbage day.  And there are garbage cans on the road.  And it is still dark out.  So garbage cans on a dark road are scary to a puppy.  Never mind that HE accompanied my human when she took the cans up last night.  He is QUITE anxious to go BACK down the driveway to the house – so for a change – quickly grabs the paper and never stops to chew it.  He just wants to be away from the ominous garbage.

Jaws is then sequestered in a run in the garage which is filled with an assortment of toys that dispense treats – while she takes Frodo and I for our walk.  She wants him occupied so he doesn’t whine and bark while we are gone, waking all the neighbors within a 5km radius.  As IF the neighbors haven’t already heard Frodo’s “Good morning” song.  

We walk up the road in the dark, with my human wearing her head lamp.  It’s hard to believe we are back to head lamp time – where did bright summer mornings go?  Anyway, I am not feeling like myself on this medication – so I am walking like a sack of potatoes.  A wet sack of potatoes.  Which concerns my human to no end – she is anxious to get home and call the clinic before she gives me another dose of this stuff.

We get home and she calls the 24 hour vet clinic and speaks to a nice vet who listens to my whole story. While she is telling the story, Jaws and Velcro dog decide is vocal play time – so they start barking at each other.  She excuses herself from the call and puts Jaws in a crate.  As IF that will stop the barking.  The vet agrees to look at my dosage level, and she will call back in 10 minutes.  Enough time to give us our banana treats.  Jaws plays with his, while Frodo and I inhale ours.  

The vet calls back and gives my human an alternative dosage level –  lower than I am on.  NOT that I am on a high dosage – but she has changed it to a very low level.  We’ll see if this works. My human is still going to talk to the vet who prescribed it later today.

So remember that the water bowl is freshly filled.  Well, it’s about time for our Michael Phelps wannabe to attempt a swim.  My human watches from across the room as Jaws takes a drink, stops, looks at the water in the bowl and then furiously begins to do the doggie paddle – splashing water everywhere.  “No” she shouts.  He just looks at her and dives back in.  She takes him by the collar and gives him a chew toy on the other side of the room – to occupy him while she cleans up the flood.  She grabs some paper towel and reaches for the puddle.  And from across the room comes one charging puppy who MUST get that paper towel.  She wrestles with him and he tears off a piece to savor under the dining room table.  I actually take a piece that he drops.

My human sits down to have her coffee and look at the paper.  At which point, yours truly decides I MUST have those few pieces of kibble that I KNOW are in the pocket of her ugly dog sweat pants.  The pants have only ONE pocket – as Frodo ate the other one.  She tells me “no.”  I poke her again.  She says “no buddy – you had your breakfast.”  I poke her again.  After about 6 pokes she says “I give up.” She rips off the sweat pants, puts them in the bedroom and proceeds to eat her breakfast sitting in her underwear.  She looks at the clock.  It’s not even 6:30.  And for SOME odd reason, she feels like she wants to go back to bed.  Honestly, the woman has no stamina.

And that’s just how a typical day BEGINS…  I tell you – this is better than fiction.

 Sometimes you humans really puzzle me.  You have such an interesting view of the world.  And this OBSESSION with taking photos of things, it really is a very human trait.  You take pictures of each other, pictures of nature, pictures of vacations, pictures of art, pictures of scenery, and of COURSE, pictures of US dogs.  

Yesterday my human, with an accomplice,  helped someone “escape” from the hospital for an hour or so – and they went to the Halifax Public Gardens – a beautiful Victorian Garden in the heart of the city. The dahlias were in bloom so OF COURSE, my human had to take some photos.  

I don’t understand why dogs aren’t allowed in the gardens.  Actually, when I look at the plants in our yard, maybe I do.

And THEN when she got home, she decided to take photos of us.  So what ELSE is new?!  

Getting a photo of the three of us together is NOT an easy task.  It’s miraculous that she actually managed to get a few.  And one that turned out.  I’m sure the neighbors heard the begging,  and the 4963 repetitions of “VIKTOR STAY”.  Frodo automatically stays wherever you plant him, and Elroy?  No point in telling him to stay.  It’s not in his vocabulary.  In fact, his vocabulary is pretty small so far.  I think my human should be talking to him in French.  She might have better luck. 

And after the puparazzi routine with copious amounts of treats, I started thinking what kinds of things we dogs “value” and what we would take photos of.  I have talked before about getting a Go Pro camera, but this is more about what kinds of photos WE would hang on OUR walls.  Here are my choices:

A leash.  Which means a walk.  Which we dogs love.  A thing of beauty.

The dog treat jar.  How beautiful is that?!

Our food bowl.  But preferably when it is FULL.

A retrieving toy.  For me anyway.

A hosta.  Or any plant for that matter.  To pee on.  This is a good example from our garden. And I suppose evidence as to why dogs are not allowed in the Public Gardens…

A chew toy.  To keep us occupied when humans are not around. These objects are preferable (according to humans) to carpet, drywall, chair rails and other dog’s ears.

And lastly a picture of you.  

I mean it’s only appropriate that we have a photo of YOU since you have so many of us!  Plus you supply all the previously mentioned items that we love. And really, YOU are what we value most.  

Unless it’s time for grooming.  JUST KIDDING.  Sort of…

Have a picturesque day!

Sometimes the best laid plans do not go as expected…

So get this.  Jaws is going to the dog show today.  Now THIS should be interesting.  The dog who cannot sit still for a nanosecond is going to stay on a grooming table for an hour.  You know those big suits that they use when training canine protection dogs?  The ones that are all padded so it makes it hard for the human to walk?  I am suggesting my human wear one while holding onto Jaws on the table.  Actually, the vision of that scene is pretty funny…

I REALLY shouldn’t tease Jaws about his biting so much.  He went to a class on Thursday night with the Terrific Tracy – and he wasn’t THAT bad.   Terrific Tracy is like the Amazing Aimee.  They both train humans how to behave with us dogs.  Aimee likes to work with puppies.  Tracy works with puppies and adult dogs – who eventually hope to compete in obedience.  Velcro dog and I have both worked with Tracy.  We have trained her all about PONs.  And she has trained our human.  Anyway, Jaws had his first Performance Puppy class.  Sounds like he is going to learn how to play the piano.  Or juggle.  He went with my human AND the little girl from down the street – who had never been to a puppy training class before.  There were several puppies in the class – two mini Aussies, a Weimaraner, a Bullmastiff, a Golden Retriever and Elroy.  His brain exploded when he first went in – but he DID do lots of things he was supposed to do.  Probably because my human was shoveling treats into him like a gambler in front of a slot machine.  And all was going well – until my human ran out of the REALLY good treats.  The freeze dried liver.  And all you “trainers” know that feeling when the GOOD treats are gone.  You dig in your pockets or the ugly fanny pack that holds your rewards – PRAYING that you can find a CRUMB of the GOOD stuff.  But no – all you have left are the REGULAR treats – and you KNOW your last card has been played.  And it was just about half way through the class that the liver ran out, and Jaws decided that was enough class.  He started whimpering.  So my human assumed he needed to pee.  But it was just a ploy to go outside and sniff the ground where 4,000 other dogs had previously peed.  He finally peed and back in they went.  And he started squeaking again.  So now my human figured he needed to poop.  So out they went again.  And he didn’t need to poop.  So back they went in again.  They started doing some work on recalls – and it was no problem because the door was behind my human.  He definitely came racing when called – and bolted around her to head for the door.  When the Terrific Tracy said that there was only a few minutes left of class, my human was breathing a sigh of relief.  She was exhausted.

And the good news?!  For the VERY first time EVER, when Jaws came home, he went ALL BY HIMSELF into his crate and fell asleep.  Really.  My human thought she would NEVER see the day.  And Frodo was relieved as well – his hairdo would stay intact for the rest of the evening.

Tomorrow we will SEE who gets to go to the Show and represent the PONs at Meet the Breed.  Frodo went the last time…so i think it’s MY turn.  We’ll see.

Today is September 2.  And everyone knows what day that is!  It’s National Blueberry Popsicle Day.  Seriously.  As I’ve said before – I don’t make these up.  I guess it’s a day to celebrate a yummy summertime treat…as we quickly approach the fall.  And this tasty treat is not just for humans.  I found a recipe in Modern Dog magazine that is just for us canines – although I SUPPOSE we could share it with our humans:

Ingredients

• 2 cups of plain organic yogurt

• 1/3 cup of fresh Blueberries

You basically blend  the two ingredients – which is like a smoothie – and then you put it in in a silicon ice cube tray or even a rectangular silicone muffin tray.  You cover with foil and keep in the freezer about 6 hours – or until frozen.  And voila – a tasty, healthy treat.

And besides eating blueberry pupsicles, plain old blueberries are good for us canines.  There was a study on sled dogs who were fed blueberry supplements, and the dogs had an elevated antioxidant status.  Antioxidants are good  for protecting the body from all kinds of things – including cancer.  Nova Scotia grows LOTS of blueberries – so they are easy for us to get.  Velcro dog and I LOVE them.  Jaws has to pounce on his several times, chew it for 6 minutes, spit it out and THEN he swallows it.   And you should SEE what he does to a banana…

For anyone in our area, the Halifax Kennel Club show is on this weekend,  starting tonight.  None of us are entered in anything – we’re not well trained enough to enter our next level of obedience, and my human wasn’t up to the task of grooming us for the beauty pageant.  She’s also been going to the hospital a lot – so it’s just as well we weren’t entered in any competitions.  Which is fine with me –  the groom-athon is NOT my favorite activity.  But that being said, rumor has it that she is going to escape from the hospital if all is well, for an hour on Saturday and an hour on Sunday and SOME of us will be participating in Meet the Breed.  It’s that chance to schmooze with the public and talk about all the wonderful attributes of PONs.  One sits on a grooming table looking all fluffy and adorable while the public parades through and one’s human doles out treats to give to us.  It’s a pretty good gig.  I THOUGHT I heard that Jaws may also be going one day.  Now it’s not like my human is an expert on the breed – I mean she has had a Picard for all of a month?  But honestly, who doesn’t like a puppy?  Mind you,  Jaws may not be the best ambassador for the breed when he takes a chunk out of someone.   Not to worry.  My human will be equipped with band-aids.  And TONS of treats.

Now we get to flip a treat for which PON gets to go….hmmmmmmm……who will require LESS grooming….

They say that laughter is the best medicine.  It’s a pity my human cannot take us to the hospital with her to visit – we could no doubt entertain the entire ward…