April 2016 – Page 2 – Viktorsviews. The Next Chapter.

Salutations and Birthday Greetings Your Majesty

April 21, 2016Leave a Comment

April 21. Today is a special day for the British Royal family – it is Queen Elizabeth’s 90th birthday! 90. And she looks mah-velous. That’s over 600 in dog years. Now I don’t know the Queen personally, but I like her because she is a “dog person.” I knew that she has owned corgis – but I didn’t know the following facts:

She has owned over 30 corgis during her reign. She bred corgis herself for many years.
The Queen has also owned Cocker Spaniels AND “dorgis”. Dorgis are a cross between a corgi and dachshund…It seems that there may have been an “oops” breeding at the palace with one of the Queen’s corgis and Princess Margaret’s dachshund…
The Queen was given a dog named Susan as birthday gift when she turned 18 – and Susan even went on her honeymoon. Wonder what Phil thought about that…
The corgis reside in the Corgi Room at Buck House – and sleep in wicker baskets. They get special Christmas stockings full of treats. Their meals are served by a gourmet chef. And I thought WE had it good…
In 1954, the Royal Clockwinder was bitten by Susan. The biting isn’t all that interesting – but I just want to know how one gets a job as a Royal Clock winder…
The Queen’s Crown Coin issued during her Golden Jubilee Year shows her with a corgi. And so it should.

I’m sure the Queen will have a nice cake today – and they better have the fire department on hand if she has any trouble blowing out those candles. I wonder if the cake will be in the shape of a corgi…

Anyway, Happy Birthday Your Majesty (because I’m sure she must read my blog…). Have a wonderful day – and cheers to health and happiness. Oh and if the corgi chef makes too many biscuits – you know where to send them…

© Linda Wozniak

National Look Alike Day. Good onya, mate!

April 20, 2016Leave a Comment

April 20. National Look Alike Day. Need I say more. Personally, I don’t think that Velcro dog and I look THAT much alike. But honestly, I cannot tell you how many humans mistake us for one another. Seriously. They must be color blind. I’m the dashing darker fellow – and Frodo is the older looking distinguished lighter-hair guy. And of course, he has more coat. Because I like to TRIM my own legs – JUST the back legs – so it shows off my lighter undercoat. Truth be told, maybe I’m trying to look MORE like my brother. And if I continue to trim my dark hair, I will eventually look like him. Sibling jealousy perhaps?

OK. Here are just a few of the 46 billion photos taken by my human over the last year. You be the judge. Alike. Or not alike.

In other news, the world’s oldest dog passed way at age 30. She was a Kelpie from Australia. The only problem – Maggie’s original paperwork confirming her date of birth was lost – so her record as the oldest dog cannot be officially confirmed. The oldest dog on record with Guinness is an Australian Cattle dog who lived to 29 years and 5 months. Seriously – what is it with these Australian dogs? I’m moving there. I bet chasing kangaroos would be GREAT fun…. Can you see me now?!

You know, my human read about a 30 year old dog – and sadly wished that all dogs could live that long…And then she realized…even 30 would not be enough….We are never with you long physically….but we are always in your heart. Forever…

OK…. And speaking of Australia and dogs, Johnny Depp and his wife did a video apology for smuggling their two Yorkshire terriers, Pistol and Boo into the country last April. Johnny wasn’t charged – but his wife was. She pleaded guilty to falsifying documents and her sentence was a one-month good behavior bond. Apparently if she breaks the bond, she will be fined a $1000 fine. Wow. I hope she’s careful. Seems that the sentence was not exactly harsh. So they kind of won in the end. Mind you, they would not have won any acting award for the video…

That’s it from here. I have to go now and look at plane fares to Australia. And I’ll be SURE to fill out all the paperwork when I arrive…

Harold passed. And I’m being obedient.

April 19, 2016Leave a Comment

Well. It seems that my human is taking this obedience training fairly seriously. She has been working with us every day. Well – at least for the last 3 days. We’ll see how long this lasts. All I know is that Velcro dog must have done something really well yesterday – there was much ooooohing and praise. I think he finally figured out that to get a treat you don’t WALK on the broad jump – you JUMP over it. Did I ever mention that Velcro dog is QUITE brilliant, but also just a little bit lazy? I mean if HE sees a bunny or bird, he will run just a bit and then heads back to my human. He knows the likelihood of catching them (especially the birds) is fairly low, so he lazily gives up. Not me. I’m always up for a chase. And I don’t give up easily. The word lazy would never be used to describe me!

And as for MY training – well I have actually shocked my human. She seemed surprised that I remembered how to do things – despite the fact that we have been on a training hiatus for quite some time until now. The problem with me is definitely NOT laziness – in fact, the issue is more about slowing me down. Did you say heel? Well let’s move at the speed of a race car. Move it human. Did you say “get ready” – which is the command to sit in heel position? Watch me flip 3 feet in the air to get in position. I love this stuff. Except for retrieving that fancy new dumbbell that she bought at Crufts. It’s too nice to give up. So I need some work on that. But if my human can harness my enthusiasm JUST a bit so I can give my brain a chance to catch up, I could do pretty well.

Both of us DO enjoy training because let’s face it, training equals treats. Now some people argue that if you give your dog treats to train him, he won’t do the work when there are no treats. To which I say – would YOU go to a job where you didn’t get paid? And when you go, do you get a paycheck EVERY day? It’s all about rationing the treats, and learning how to use them effectively. All I know is that I am a PON, and treats WORK for me!

Yesterday we got some amazing news. Harold passed his exam. He is officially inspected and good to go for another two years. THANK GOODNESS. My human was worried that Harold, who is now 10 years old, and is beginning to show signs of rust, would require some major surgery to pass his Provincial Safety Inspection. I guess they didn’t take points off for dog hair and olfactory art on the windows. My human had visions of having the bright orange “failed” sticker for all the world to see. But he passed!!!!! She was so happy.

Well time to study the obedience rule books. I do that while my human is at work. Cough. Cough. Sure I do!

Have a good one!

Blah. Blah. Blah.

April 17, 2016Leave a Comment

April 17. According to the Crazy Calendar, today is Blah Blah Blah Day. A day to tackle all of those projects that others have been nagging you to do. Honestly, when I heard the name I thought it had to do with humans talking to dogs. I mean, that’s kind of like what I hear when my human rambles on. Unless the monologue contains words like eat, or treat, or bunny or walk, I don’t always listen to the rest of what she is saying. I know that’s bad – but I’m being honest here.

And speaking of talking to me, my human said she is going to count how many times in a day she says my name. The number MAY be high – possibly because I don’t ALWAYS respond when she says it the first time. And sometimes I don’t respond the second time – like when I am styling Frodo’s hair. I have to concentrate. By the third call, my human’s voice has actually gotten louder for some reason. It’s not like I didn’t hear her the first time – no need to treat me like I’m hearing impaired.

My name was repeatedly called the other morning when my human let me off the leash after our walk – as we were coming down the driveway. Bunny smell diverted me into the woods – despite hearing my name numerous times…. But I should note, I DID come back. After a minute.

And then we have the multiple name calling during the daily photo shoots. I have taken over Paxton’s role as the supreme “picnore” king. When that phone comes out and my human raises it to take a photo, I do NOT look at her. No matter how many times she says my name. Of course, Frodo, the model for “Dogue” magazine, always looks at my human. So there he is, smiling, looking right at the camera, while I look every other way. And my human says “Viktor. Viktor. VIK-TOR. VIIIIIIIIIK-TOR. AGHHHHHHHHH. “. It’s actually quite comical. She looks for ANYTHING to get my attention. She’ll rip branches off a tree and wave them, while calling my name. She’ll throw rocks behind her while calling my name. She does the weird sounds thing while calling my name. She has QUITE the repertoire of things she will try. The cute shot in this blog was after MULTIPLE attempts. During which my name was said 834 times. But who’s counting? Here are a few of my picnore shots. Paxton would be proud…

Picnore is a skill – and I learned from the best! I hope you have a marvellous day. And it is far from blah!!!!

Squirrels, ticks and wax dogs. An odd blog.

April 16, 2016Leave a Comment

April 16. On this day in 1850 (which I’m SURE my human remembers) Madame Tussauds died. The wax lady. She was born in France, and her mother was the housekeeper to a physician who was skilled in creating wax figures. Long story short, she became very good at this unique “hobby” and in 1835 opened her first museum of wax figures in London. Since then, museums have opened all over the world. But it wasn’t until 2006 that the museum featured its first dogs. Seriously. It took them long enough. Mind you, the first cat wasn’t made until last year. And who do you think first dogs were? None other than my hero, Lassie – and Bullseye – the Bull terrier from the Target store. I want to know how I can get in the museum!

Well we have figured out why our bird feeder is constantly empty. Our squirrel-proof feeder isn‘t exactly squirrel-proof. I guess we have skinny squirrels – because we SAW one who had managed to get INSIDE the “fenced off area” that surrounds the food bin. Yup. There he was – having a wonderful meal. Frodo and I raced out to the feeder the other day, and we scared him away. Mind you, to be honest, we didn’t even NOTICE him – we were too busy chasing the Mourning Doves who were on the ground.

A big box arrived in the mail yesterday. APPARENTLY it is a bunch of non-toxic, organic, natural pills that Frodo and I will be taking to ward off fleas and ticks this summer. My human is a BIT obsessive about not loading us with toxic chemicals. Several years ago, she gave us a flea and tick medication from the Vet – and Frodo had a reaction – so since then, it’s been us against nature. But she had several recommendations for this new natural voodoo concoction – so we will be starting it. So far, despite the fact that we live in the boonies – and run in the woods, we have not been plagued by ticks. But we know we have just been lucky – they ARE out there. Ticks are horrid little creatures – they attach themselves to a dog – or even a human and suck blood. Like mini Vampires. But bad enough that they suck blood – they can also spread diseases like Lyme. Honestly, I would like someone to tell me ONE good thing about ticks. I know we are all God’s creatures – but CLEARLY, God was having a bad day when he created ticks. Anyway, our new hocus pocus pills have arrived – and we’ll be reporting on their effectiveness. If they work – maybe they can pay me to do commercials…

Well it’s Saturday – so time to get my human moving. I am SUCH an excellent Personal Trainer.

Have a great day. I know I will. I always do.

It’s Leo’s birthday!!!!!

April 15, 2016Leave a Comment

April 15. Well, well. GUESS whose birthday it is today. Leonardo da Vinci’s!!!!!! The painter, sculptor, inventor, scientist, architect – and all around smart guy, was born in 1452. Just a few years BEFORE my human. Leo was famous for MANY works of art – including the Last Supper and the Mona Lisa. Most people know that. But what you may NOT know, is that Leo was reportedly an animal lover – and an early animal rights kinda guy. It was said that he would go to markets, buy caged birds, and release them. Supposedly, he had many cats and dogs in his household. He did a few drawings of dogs, including a dog that looked like a whippet, and a detailed series of sketches of a dog’s foot. Art people think it is the foot of a deerhound. Beats me – but it sure looks like some kind of dog. And then there is the “little white dog” – which appears in two paintings that were done in theschool of Andrea del Verrocchio. Verrocchio was Leo’s teacher – and they THINK Leo might have painted the dog in those paintings. They say the little white dog is a Bolognese. Who knows – maybe it’s an early PON! All I know is I BET I know why the Mona Lisa is smiling. She just watched that little white dog do something bad. In which case, I’m SURE he was a PON.

In the news, there was a large earthquake in Japan. Several people were killed and homes collapsed. I wonder if people were watching their dogs before it happened. Did you know that as far back as ancient Greece, there are stories of dogs becoming agitated before an earthquake occurs? Some theorize that we dogs can actually HEAR high frequency sounds, which help us to predict that an earthquake is coming. The jury is still out whether this is true. My human notes that we pace and pant EVERY time it is MEALTIME – so we would not be the best earthquake forecasters. She would think there was a quake coming every day. Several times a day.

It’s Friday. Time to start scheduling my human’s activities for the weekend. Fetch. Walks. Fetch. Snacks. Fetch. Snacks. Maybe a bit of training to make HER feel good. Fetch. Lunch. Fetch. Walk. You get the picture.

Happy Friday!! And happy birthday Leo!

Rally on Bro

April 14, 2016Leave a Comment

It’s official. For three years in a row, Frodo was the top Rally PON in Canada. The certificate for 2015 arrived in the mail. And GUESS who was the number 2 Rally PON in Canada? None other than moi!!! Go figure. I’m not JUST a pretty face. I CAN behave. And now I have the certificate to prove it. Mind you, while I think certificates are nice, I think the Canadian Kennel Club should send biscuits with the awards. Really. Who do I see about starting that? Of course – with all the different dietary restrictions of so many dogs, it may be hard to find gluten free organic vegan treats that would work for everyone.

Rumor has it that our obedience trainer has been after my human to get us back in the competition ring again. She’s a patient woman. So we have a lesson booked for later this month. I’ll have to go back to my training manuals and look over my notes to see what I have to do. One thing I know for sure, training sessions equal treats. LOTS of treats. And the key is to look puzzled, so the humans break the training exercise down into little steps. Little steps equal more treats. I totally have this game figured out. Those humans THINK they are training us…but of course, it’s really the other way around.

Now excuse me while I go and find a frame for my certificate. And I start brushing up on my obedience skills. I know – I know. It’s actually quite an oxymoron – me and and the word obedience in the same sentence. But miracles DO happen.

Have a good one.

Rain, dancing, cats and memories….

April 13, 2016Leave a Comment

April showers bring May flowers. A cute rhyme that attempts to put a positive spin on rain. Frodo doesn’t care about flowers. So our morning jaunt was typically painful yesterday. It didn’t start that way. It wasn’t raining when we started out. But then it began. Luckily we had both “done our thing” by then – so we headed home. Quickly.

It’s funny. The things that suddenly remind us of Paxton. Like yesterday morning. The radio was on and this song – Shut Up and Dance- came on. My human and Paxton loved to dance to that song. The big guy would spin, and go between her legs ( she had to be careful for that move!), he would back up and strut along by her side. Now it’s not to say he was graceful – it was a bit like watching a Sumo wrestler doing ballet. But he loved it. All while Frodo would be barking. And I would try to sneak in on the dance too. But I’ll never be the dancer he was – I just try to jump up and bite my human. I get a BIT excited. And Frodo just likes to sing. He’s no dancer… We miss our Pax Astaire….

We met a new creature in the driveway the other morning. It was still not completely light out, and my human was wearing her headlamp. And just as we went around the bend, my human spotted him. A cat. Sitting RIGHT in the MIDDLE of OUR driveway. Imagine the nerve! She braced herself to prepare for what was coming. Two PONs – who, in two words- went ballistic. My human held on for dear life and the sounds that came out of us were probably almost as loud as a huge pack of hounds preparing to hunt. It was a combination of screaming and yelling. NO doubt, neighbors heard the uproar. Neighbors within a 25 mile radius. My human held on as we pulled her up the driveway. Mr. Kitty took off into the woods- and we of course had to smell where he went. Thank goodness for strong leashes. And biceps.

We got something exciting in the mail yesterday- but you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to find out what it was.

Take a minute to dance today. It will make you feel good. And even better – if you have the chance to dance in the rain – go for it – and think of us!

Have a great day.

Drop Everything and Read

April 12, 2016Leave a Comment

April 12. Today is Drop Everything and Read Day. We do a lot of reading while our human is at work. And of course, we select famous books about dogs. How many of the following “classics” have you read:

Lassie Come Home
Old Yeller
Call of the Wild
Marley and Me
White Fang

And then we have more recent additions to the list:

The Art of Racing in the Rain
Inside of a Dog
The Other End of the Leash
Bones would Rain from the Sky

Of course this is a VERY short list of dog stories. And then there are COUNTLESS books on training dogs. We have a shelf full. Clearly my human has not actually READ those. She also collects OLD books about dogs. It’s kind of funny to see what certain breeds USED to look like years ago. Tsk-tsk humans – what have you done to SOME breeds? But that’s a topic for another blog.

And then we have those classic books whose names COULD be about us dogs:

Great Expectations: about me – waiting patiently, or not, to be fed. Or waiting for a treat.
Gone with the Wind: about me- when the door opens…and I spot a bunny
Brave New World: a story about when a puppy comes to his new home
Alice in Wonderland: a story about a girl named Alice who comes to visit a litter of puppies
The Odyssey: the story about walking Frodo in the rain…or wet snow
Crime and Punishment: a story about being banished from the DFZ because I have chewed the pillow on the sofa…
War and Peace: the story of life with me and Frodo
The Little Prince: my autobiography

My human saw a video of a dog who could read flashcards and respond to the written commands. Heaven help us. Something new to try…

Anyway- humans – take a minute to read to your dog today! We sure would enjoy that. And dogs – keep reading books about those humans. Maybe ONE DAY we’ll figure them out!

YOU poop in the snow!

April 11, 2016Leave a Comment

So Mother Nature played a really good joke on us with that snow yesterday. It was wet snow. Heavy snow. And if there were humans who were not impressed with the white stuff, I can tell you – there was one Polish Lowland Sheepdog who was BEYOND unimpresssed…

Every day you humans take stock of our bodily functions – and you KNOW when we need to pee and poop. And we have a pretty good routine in our house. Every morning, we go out for our walk. And every morning, we pee and poop. Usually, my human takes both of us out at the same time in the morning, but if the weather is not nice, we get the “one at a time” instruction at the door. Which usually means a shorter walk. So yesterday, when my human saw the snow, and the fact that the plow guy hadn’t come, she decided we would go for walks on our property. One at a time. With Velcro dog first. My human should have KNOWN it was going to be a bad walk when Velcro dog put the brakes on when he walked out the door. You see, wet snow equals sticky snow which equals snow balls. On our feet. And Velcro dog KNOWS that. My human coaxed him onto the lawn and told him to “hurry up” – which is the instruction to poop. Velcro dog just stood there. So my human walked him into the backyard. And she told Velcro dog to “hurry up.” He stood and looked at her. So they walked down our trail. Well, I should say my human walked and Velcro dog trudged down our trail. And my human now PLEADED, “hurry up.” And Velcro dog LOOKED like he was about to poop and then decided not to. He couldn’t. Seriously. His feet were wet. So they walked a bit further. At which point snowballs were starting to form on Velcro dog’s feet. So my human broke them up. And she told Velcro dog to “hurry up.” He looked at her as if to say – YOU try and poop when your feet are wet and weigh 100 lbs. So they trudged on, stopping every few feet to break up the snowballs. FINALLY, after 45 minutes of walking, breaking up snowballs and continual pleading by my human, my human was pooped out (pun intended) and she conceded defeat. And Velcro dog trotted happily back to the house with 100 lb feet. Little did he know, that NOW he had to go in a warm tub to remove the giant snowballs.

Then it was MY turn. I had watched some of the antics of Velcro dog out the back window- and although I don’t really dislike wet snow like he does, I figured my human would REALLY appreciate it if I pooped quickly. So I did. Score one for the bad dog. I was showered with treats and praise. You would have thought I just won some big obedience championship. Or the lottery.

Today the forecast is calling for temperatures above freezing. And no signs of snow in the long range forecast. So this PONcast is for a warm spring ahead – and a return to a positive poop routine. Unless of course, it rains….

© Linda Wozniak