September 2015 – Page 3 – Viktorsviews. The Next Chapter.

FRO-SUB

September 9, 2015Leave a Comment

Barking. I have talked about it before – but it really is an issue in this house – and my human wonders if other dog people, PON owners in particular, experience the same thing. Our main barker is Frodo. Frodo barks when my human gets up. He barks when she goes in the bathroom to get dressed. He barks to tell my human to hurry up and take us out. And then, even after his walk, he barks. My human discovered that the other day. The routine is to take Frodo and me for our walk. Then Paxton goes for his walk. So Frodo and I went out and did our thing and returned home. As my human was walking up our peaceful country road with Pax, she heard a strange sound in the distance. She was quite far from the house, but she heard SOMETHING. Was it a loon? Some other bird? What WAS it? It was a strange sound. Coyote? They are not usually out in the day time. And then she recognized that yip-yip-yap sound. Frodo. She FLEW down the road, dragging poor Pax. Of course as soon as she was within 20 feet of the front door, the barking stopped. When she threw open the front door, all was silent. He’s no fool. He wasn’t going to be caught IN the act.

Even when my human tells Frodo to be quiet – like while she is preparing our meals, he STILL has to have at LEAST one more bark.

Paxton USED to be a quiet, easy-going kind of dog. He would certainly bark if someone arrived – or if he heard something, but he didn’t bark just for the sake of barking. But now, he has been trained by Frodo. Sometimes, he just looks at my human and barks. Usually if she has JUST sat down to relax for a minute. Pax does the woof. Woof. Woof. So my human gets up, takes him out, and he doesn’t even NEED to go out. He is a successful graduate of FRO-SUB – the Frodo School of Unnecessary Barking.

I’m still a pretty quiet guy. ALTHOUGH, when my human comes home and she lets us out for a pee – I bark like crazy at Frodo and Paxton. Like I haven’t just been with them for the past 3 hours. My bark is more like a rally cry to get up and out for a run. It has a purpose. Sort of.

So any of you humans who have a quiet dog out there– and you would like him to be a bit more “outgoing” – send him or her to FRO-SUB for a week. Guaranteed – it will no longer be a problem. Or your money back.

Last vacation day

September 8, 2015Leave a Comment

So. Last day of my human’s vacation. It started out perfectly – with walks. We let her sleep in until 6 – don’t want her to sleep in toooooo long – it will be hard to get up tomorrow, so might as well start getting back into the groove. Out comes the headlamp for our morning jaunt tomorrow.

My human is starting to look at the long range weather forecast for next weekend. Now isn’t THAT a waste of time. I mean, the weather people can’t even tell us what it will be like in another hour – let alone next Sunday. But she’ll keep looking at it. As if she visualizes a little “sun” on Sunday, it will happen. And why the interest in the weather? Next Sunday is…….HERDING DAY!!!

For some odd reason, my human doesn’t want it to rain. Possibly because she knows that if it DOES rain, we PONs will not even want to get out of our vehicle. Let alone run around mud puddles. Well certainly Frodo won’t. How embarrassing would THAT be? All these other herding breeds dashing around after sheep in the mud, and the PON wouldn’t get out of the car. Honestly, if it is pouring rain, I don’t think my human would attempt to take Frodo. He just wouldn’t do it. He has already seen sheep, and while he thought they were OK, I don’t think he liked them enough to chase them in the rain. Now as for ME – that’s the big question. Will I be interested in them? And what if it is raining? Oh the excitement of the unknown.

So far, the weather people have posted a little sun with a tiny white cloud on Sunday next week. So start saying those good weather prayers. If we all do – I know it can happen!

Excuse me while I go and bug my human. After all, she is off and I have lots of training to do with her. Have a great day!

Labor Day

September 7, 2015Leave a Comment

September 7. It’s Labor Day in the US and Canada. A day to honor workers and the labor movement. AND a day OFF from labor for many people. Including my human.

In our house, we dogs work hard every day. Here are just SOME of the jobs we do….

We provide wake up service every morning. Heaven forbid our human should sleep in, even if she is on vacation. It is OUR job to get her up. Even if it involves giving her a fat lip in the process.

We are exercise trainers – making sure our human gets out EVERY day – taking us for a walk.

We are cleaners – consuming any food crumbs we find on any surface. We do an exceptional job of cleaning our food bowls. Repeatedly.

We are groomers – licking each other, and ourselves, and I also provide specialized hair styling service by trimming Frodo’s ears.

Of course we are security guards, alerting our human to any mysterious sounds, (generally in the middle of the night) and to the presence of those threatening bunnies any time of day.

We SOMETIMES provide delivery services by carrying the newspaper home from the road – but that one is hit or miss. The paper often ends up in the ditch.

Let’s see. What other work do we do? Paxton provides garbage disposal services – eating anything. Mostly things he shouldn’t eat.

We are welcome greeters – saying “hello” to anyone who arrives at our home – including our human. We greet her whenever she has been gone. Even if she was just in another room. Like when she comes out of the bathroom.

We provide physic services – with our ability to read our human’s mind – when she is thinking about taking us for a walk or a drive. We also know when she is about to give us a bath. So we run.

We are weather forecasters. If you open the front door, and we PONs refuse to go out, it is raining.

We are clowns – especially me, with our ability to make our human laugh.

And most importantly – our biggest job is to train humans. They are not an easy species to work with, but I think I’d rather have one of them than a chimp. Or a dolphin. And I DEFINITELY would rather have a human rather than a porcupine. So we’ll continue with our role as trainers – and try to make our humans the best they can be. It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it. And really, the job benefits ARE pretty good…

My idol

September 6, 2015Leave a Comment

Well, brother Frodo did it. Two trials and two passing scores and two BIG ribbons. He is my idol. Both judges said they had never judged a PON before. They told my human they were impressed! Go figure. I guess he is smarter than I thought. But THEN – not only did he get to compete – he got to be on “display” for a thing called “Meet the Breed.” Now when I found that out, I got really annoyed. That’s MY thing! I did that at the last show. What is Mr. UN-sociable-I-bark-at-every-neighbor doing in such an OBVIOUSLY sociable activity? I’m the social butterfly.

When he and my human got home – both of them wanted to relax for a few minutes. But not me. Come ON. I was home with Bucket Head all day – I wanted to DO something. I paced. I squeaked. I repeatedly licked and sniffed Frodo – even after my human said I should stop. My human wanted to relax for just a FEW minutes. But I got my way. She couldn’t stand the pacing. I got to do MY all time favorite thing. Retrieving.

Hey. I think we figured out why Paxton gets the soupy poops. Or I think we did. Actually, my human figured this one out. You see, when Paxton goes out on the deck, he is like a vacuum cleaner. He sucks up EVERY dried, rotting, moldy leaf that has blown on the deck – and any other inedible organic thing he can find. So now my human has to check the deck when we go out there, pick up every leaf – and make sure the thing is totally clear. Going to be GREAT fun when we are fully into fall. THIS I have to watch.

Have a good one! I better go practice some obedience so I can be in the next show. But then, I’m ALWAYS obedient – right?

Good luck bro

September 5, 2015Leave a Comment

Well. Another good news, bad news day. First off, Frodo had the inevitable bath yesterday. He was NOT happy. The price one pays to be a dog show dog. Even though he’s not even in the beauty pageant today. But he does look good, and smells better – or so my human thinks! That’s the good news.

So he is entered in something called Rally Excellent Obedience this weekend. Which is more about brains than beauty. And my human THOUGHT he was entered in three trials. But she kind of wondered why she never received the confirmation for the third trial. Seems they are not entered after all. Not sure what button she didn’t press, but they are just entered today – in two trials. Oh well. That’s the bad news. Although Frodo doesn’t care.

Our human got up and walked us at the crack of dawn – even though the show site is like 6.9 minutes from our house – and they are not entered until 10:00. It’s kind of crazy how nervous she gets. Seriously. It’s a DOG SHOW. You are not doing a speech for 300 people – or going on live radio or TV. That she CAN do without getting nervous. But tell her she has to walk around in a gated arena with one of us – and you would think she was jumping out of a plane! Frodo KNOWS something is up. He figured it out yesterday with the bath. Now he keeps following her around – and watching EVERY move she makes. It’s really quite amusing. As I said before – better him than me.

So good luck bro. Just don’t pee on anything. Or run out of the ring. Or bark at the judge. I hope you pass. And you are the best PON there. OK. You will be the ONLY PON there. So do us proud!

"Their" bad

September 4, 2015Leave a Comment

OK. So this is funny. My human likes to take these crazy quizzes on line that are basically mumbo jumbo, and not based in any science or psychology. But she does them for fun. Like “what kind of dog would you be” or “how old are you at heart” or “how long will you live” or “what is the best way to waste time on the computer.” OK – I made that last one up. But you get the point. So anyway, she took the quiz to find out what name her parents SHOULD have given her. I was guessing Bertha or Henrietta or Agnes. But no – guess what she got? VICTORIA!!! JUST like me! Well, the female version of me. Spelled differently. See. We are “connected.” That’s why she loves me best.

Speaking of loving me best…Frodo and Paxton got in trouble yesterday – for a CHANGE. Thank goodness. You see….my human hardly ever has time to read – but she has always loved to read. She was able to read a whole book while she was away – and she purchased two more. Wonder why she managed to read a book while she was away from us…. Anyway she started one the other night – when she was in bed. Big mistake. She falls asleep before she gets though 2 pages. Might have something to do with the fact that she stays up late – and gets up at 6AM to walk us. Vacation or no vacation. We demand it. We are creatures of habit.

So, she fell asleep – with the book on the bed. Fast forward to the next day. The bed was made – but the book was still on it. My human was ironing some clothes – another crazy human task – I mean things get wrinkled as soon as you sit down. What’s the point of ironing? But what do I know. Back to the story. While she was ironing she came in the bedroom and found Bucket Head on the bed. She told him to get down. She finished her ironing and then went to do some work on the computer – which was on the dining room table. She was working away and suddenly heard chomp-chomp-chomp. She looked under the table and there was Frodo – eating the spine of the book – which Paxton had obviously carried there – because it was a BIG book. I was no where NEAR the scene of the crime. This was TOTALLY “their bad.”

My human scolded Frodo, who just shrugged his shoulders and walked away. Paxton wouldn’t make eye contact. And I basked in the joy knowing I had nothing to do with the bad behavior. For a change! Mind you, the book wasn’t about dogs, so I can’t blame the boys for trying to destroy it.

I’ve said it before – and I’ll say it again. Never a dull moment!

What’s that smell?

September 3, 2015Leave a Comment

So we talked about the groom-a-thon that we had when my human got home from her holiday. Frodo required the SUPER DUPER brush out, where he was able to practice his professional wrestling skills.

But despite the fact that we were brushed until we filled a garbage bag with enough hair to form another dog, my human thinks Frodo still has a rather er…earthy aroma. I think he smells fine.

Anyway, while she was at the store buying our $1000 gourmet dog food, she saw this all natural conditioner spray – that comes in several fragrances. She smelled each bottle and decided on one called Puppy. I don’t think you have to be a puppy to use it – and she liked it better than peppermint patty or mango tango or something like that. It had a nice fragrance. She thought.

So she got home and used it on Frodo. Mmmmmm. He smelled good enough to eat. Like something you would find in a candy store.

But like all good things…they sometimes come to an end. Yesterday when my human was training Frodo, she got a whiff of his coat. This was after it got damp running in the wet grass. Hmmmm….it no longer smelled like a candy store. What WAS that aroma? And then she had an olfactory memory. Ever ride in an old, beat up taxi, which if it could talk, would write a best seller – with some pretty sordid parts. A taxi that ONCE allowed smoking but no longer does. A taxi whose driver tries to cover up the offending odors with one of those scented cardboard things that hangs off the mirror. If you know the smell – you now know what Frodo smells like. “Ewwwww,” my human said, “you stink.” Frodo doesn’t care. He just likes to do his training. But now my human can’t get that vision and smell out of her mind.

My guess is brother Frodo may be having a bath before the show on the weekend. He is NOT going to be a happy camper. Better him than me!

Just stuff

September 2, 2015Leave a Comment

Well, things have returned to “normal here.” I have no lasting effects from my run-in with the walking pin cushion. My human checked me all over again, and AGAIN – and it appears every needle is GONE. I felt fine once they were all out. It was the going in and coming out that was the problem! My human is still amazed I didn’t chip any teeth while trying to snap at those pliers. A broken tooth on top of the quills would have REALLY set the night off.

The bathroom reno is in the home stretch. It may be ready for my human to try out the shower on Thursday. I’m not suggesting we join her.

Frodo did some training yesterday while Paxton and I got to do fetching. I am a fetching machine. And I didn’t even think for a second about running off in the woods. For now.

I hate to say this – and my human doesn’t want to think it – but I could smell “fall” in the air yesterday. Fall has a unique smell. A pungent but sweet smell as foliage begins to die off slowly and the plants and trees get ready to change their attire. My human noticed that a chipmunk has dug a HUGE mound in one of our flower beds – probably to get ready for the winter. I haven’t seen him yet. Which is just as well, because his happy home could quickly become ruins. Just give me a chance.

You know – I started wondering yesterday if the whole porcupine incident was a coincidence. I’m wondering if Paxton was behind it. I mean, everyone KNOWS I torment Paxton mercilessly. I lick him until he is sopping wet – or until my human shouts “stop.” I sometimes growl at him when he comes in a room. Just because. And yesterday, he WAS pretty bummed out that Frodo and I were going to the match. Even though my human’s mother was there for company.

Rumor has it he knows some porcupines. When I asked him if he had anything to do with it, he said “no.” But he DID wink at me. Maybe I had better start being nicer to him…

Excuse me while I go chipmunk hunting….at least those guys don’t have quills!