May 2015 – Page 3 – Viktorsviews. The Next Chapter.

Viktor. Financial Planner.

May 8, 2015Leave a Comment

So the other day, my human went to see her “Financial Planner” at the bank. These are the people who supposedly know how to make money. But I don’t get it. If they are SO good at making money, why do they have to work?

Anyway it got me thinking that I could be a good financial planner. And frankly, I think I have a number of ways that humans COULD save money. There are LOADS of things that honestly, you humans just don’t need to spend money on. Here are a few:

Teeth whitening strips. Seriously people. You stick cellophane on your teeth and think it is doing something. It’s not. Trust me. But you THINK it works – so you do it. My advice? Save your money and chew a bone. Works for us dogs.

Jewelry. Another money waster. Buy ONE nice collar – something neutral so it goes with a lot of apparel – and that’s good enough.

Blow dryers. Well you KNOW my opinion about baths in general. I’m all about saving water. But if you MUST take a bath or shower, do like Taylor Swift says and “Shake it off.” That’s what we canines do.

Forks. OK humans. You have an advantage over us. You have hands. So just PICK UP your food. Why bother with the whole fork thing? Now I understand the spoons for things like soup – but really – you COULD just tip the bowl.

Dishwashers. Just give the dirty plates to us. We will be QUITE happy to clean them for you. Another cost cutter.

Paper shredders. Honestly this is ANOTHER one to get rid of. Give the papers to us. We will make mincemeat of them. Easy.

Toilet paper. Why do you think God made leaves? THINK of the money you will save on this one!

These are just a FEW I have quickly observed. Stay tuned for more cost saving tips from your new Financial Planner. Viktor. The PON.

Listen to me

May 7, 2015Leave a Comment

As I mentioned the other day, we have been going a LITTLE crazy with our barking at the bunnies. OK. I have been.

So when I started barking when my human was in the shower the other morning – and all of us joined in the chorus, my human was not overly surprised. We especially like to bark when she is in the shower. When it happens, she’s not sure if it’s a bunny alert – or if someone has actually arrived at our door. But the other day it wasn’t a bunny alert. It was a delivery. A propane delivery.

By the time my human got out of the shower, and got dressed, the intruder was gone. She found the propane bill on the door and continued to get ready for work. She bid us her good-byes while we gave her the daily “we are so sad look” and she got in the car to drive off. It was then that she saw WHY we were barking. We were telling her what the delivery guy had done. He had destroyed our driveway. Seriously.

Remember the luge run we had this winter – when our driveway was full of ice. Well of course it has FINALLY melted. BUT the ground under the pavement is still soft. Enter one very heavy propane truck and well, it looks like someone took a wrecking ball and dropped it all along the driveway. MANY times. For more than 150 feet of the driveway. It is a disaster.

So. We have a big project ahead. I think Frodo should go out and dig all the pavement up. He’s the digger in the bunch. And Paxton can haul it all away. I’ll supervise. Alternatively, our human can hire a company to do the work – and I’ll still supervise. And I will be sure to alert her if they are not doing a good job. And this time, maybe she’ll listen to me!

Icky bum

May 6, 2015Leave a Comment

OK. Warning. This story is a bit graphic. So if you are eating, read it later…It’s a poopy tale. Or is it a poopy tail? I guess it is both. Literally.

So on Saturday AND Sunday I got to go for a run with my buddy Jackson, from up the road. And yes, I took off on Saturday. And guess what?! I did it again on Sunday. In the same area. Shoulda put me on a leash. But I DID eventually come back again.

So on Monday morning, my human agreed to meet our neighbor again – before work, for another run. Her schedule was flexible on Monday – but that’s the LAST flexible day for a few weeks. She’s entering a “busy” time at work. Or so she tells me. Suuuuuure she is. Anyway, since my human knew she didn’t have a lot of time to chase me IF I took off, she decided to take the “good” dog. Yup. She took FRODO. Paxton and I had a long walk first, and then FRODO got to meet MY buddy.

So off they go. My human, the neighbor, Jackson and Frodo. Just as they are about to start their run – and my human is about to take Frodo off his leash, he decides to poop. And Jackson decides he needs to check it out. At which point, Mr. Modesty – who usually poops in the MIDDLE of the road, stops pooping. But it’s clear he needs to go. So when Jackson walks away, he attempts again. But, for SOME reason, he can’t go. Probably with everyone watching him, he can’t poop. And he won’t walk. And he’s squatting. And squeaking. At which point, my human decides to take a look to see what’s going on. Let’s just say, he needed some help. Which rarely happens to him. And my human’s “help” resulted in what we call “icky bum.” After the assistance, he was ready and raring to run. Icky bum and all. But now my human figured she would have to cut the hour-long walk short – as Mr. Icky Bum was going to require some bathing when he got home. They agree to cut the route short. So they are racing around and then – are you ready for this – Mr. “Good Dog Icky Bum” TOOK off – in the SAME area I had disappeared. Seriously. He had not been there in MONTHS – but he remembered. And when he emerged, he not only had an icky bum, but it was now full of dirt and sticks too!!! Lovely. And the sun was shining. And the birds were chirping. And he was happy. But my human? Not so much.

So “poor” Frodo needed a bath when he got home. Tee-hee. And my human had to rush like CRAZY to get ready for work.

That’s what she gets for taking Frodo instead of me. Just sayin’.

Cartoonists Day

May 5, 2015Leave a Comment

May 5. Cartoonists Day. The people who make us laugh, think, and sometimes even cry. When I think of cartoons, I of course think of famous dog cartoons. Probably one of the most famous is that crazy Beagle, Snoopy. Who likes to sleep ON TOP of his dog house. He’s pretty well known.

But there are others – and other breeds represented in the funnies. Here are just a few…We have Marmaduke, the Great Dane; Mickey Mouse’s dog, Pluto who is probably a Bloodhound – or SOME kind of hound; Goofy another Disney hound dog; Scooby-Doo – another Great Dane; Mr. Peabody, another Beagle; Garfield the cat’s friend, Odie who looks like another hound…hey WAIT a minute. There are like hundreds of dog breeds in the world – and when you look at these cartoons – we seem to have more hounds than anything! And just WHY is that? Are hounds funnier than the rest of us canines? Now there WAS a famous Old English Sheepdog, Farley who appeared in a Canadian cartoon called For Better or for Worse. When the cartoonist killed off Farley in the story, people went crazy. Everybody was sad.

But of course, we do not YET have a cartoon with a PON. I’ll have to get my human working on it. As if she doesn’t have enough to do. And what will the character’s name be? Do you REALLY need to ask?! Viktor the Victorious.

Oh. And speaking of names. Will and Kate didn’t pick Viktoria. Oh well. But I hear it WAS in the running. And they DID make a good choice. Charlotte Elizabeth Diana. Which meets the obligatory name recycling tradition. And I must confess, it is pretty. Even if it isn’t Viktoria.

Spring fever

May 3, 2015Leave a Comment

Spring is REALLY here. Yesterday morning, I even got to go for a run with my buddy, Jackson, a black Labrador who lives up the road. My human and his human met at 6AM and went to take us on the golf course that is at the end of our road. My human only takes one of us at a time with Jackson – because, well Frodo and I tend to do “tag team herding” with the poor guy. That doesn’t happen when it is just one of us. We just do zoomies and chase each other.

The weather was dry and cool. We had a blast. Although, as my human and Jackson’s human noted, nothing is EVER totally calm and relaxing. At least for them. For example, I took off and disappeared for bit. My human has lost me in this particular area before – she figures there is either a rabbit or fox den nearby. She called and called me. And they KNEW where I was – but couldn’t see me in the dense brush. But they could hear me. I was wearing a big bell. I eventually emerged – kind of muddy. And I was well behaved after that.

Jackson also took advantage of his freedom, and went in EVERY mud puddle, stream, pond, and area of wet grass that he could find. I would race along the banks of the ponds and just watch him. And he particularly likes the swampy areas. That I don’t get. Frodo would have been mortified.

After an hour of running, we came home – and now it was time for Frodo and Paxton to go for THEIR walk. Of course, I TRIED to sneak out and join them – but my human reminded me that I had already had “my turn.” I was hoping she had forgotten.

It’s so nice to be OUT again and RUNNING without ice and snow. Life is good. But then…life is almost always good for a PON! Have a great Sunday!

Royal NEWS!!!

May 2, 2015Leave a Comment

Big news on the Royal front! Prince William and Kate Middleton – the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, announced the birth of their second child – a baby girl. I’m glad for them. They seem like a nice couple. I wonder, though, how Lupo, their Cocker Spaniel will feel. And I wonder if he will get to select the baby’s name. Apparently HE selected the name for Prince George. Really. The royal couple supposedly scattered pieces of paper on the floor with names, and Lupo selected George. I hope this time they include the name ViKtoria. Chances are, it will be in the mix – those Royals seem to like to recirculate names. But I want ViKtoria – with a “k” and not a “c”. I think that would be perfect – it’s keeping with tradition – but mixing things up a bit. And they would be naming the baby after me.

As for the history of Royal dogs – since the 17^th century, portraits of the Royal families have included their dogs. Which of course, they should. And lots of breeds have been owned, including Pugs, Labrador Retrievers, Greyhounds, a Collie, King Charles Spaniels (that’s not exactly a surprise) and of course, the Queen’s Corgis. King Edward VII owned a terrier, Caesar, who actually outlived him. Caesar walked behind his master’s coffin in the funeral procession – now that’s devotion.

It’s kind of interesting to look at the dog’s names too. Queen Victoria had a Collie named Noble. Wasn’t THAT fitting. But Queen Elizabeth. Well who KNEW she was a Star Trek fan? She has a Corgi named Vulcan. And obviously she has a sweet tooth – she has another Corgi named Candy.

Anyway – CONGRATULATIONS to the Royal couple – and good luck, Lupo in selecting a name. Remember my suggestion…

Impulse Control Disorder

May 2, 2015Leave a Comment

Impulse control disorder. It’s a problem – in which someone has an inability to resist an urge, or temptation. And they could cause harm to themselves or others. I have it. When it comes to bunnies.

Yesterday morning, while my human was having breakfast, I happened to look out the deck door and down into the yard. And I spotted him. The bunny. So did Frodo. And the crazy PON barking began. Then Paxton joined in. He didn’t know why. But he figured he had better bark too. My human went to look at the bunny – and there he was, calming chomping on our grass that is finally beginning to appear as the snow melts. He didn’t care about the crazy dogs on the other side of the door. He’s pretty clever.

After a minute or so, my human said “OK boys, that’s enough.” Frodo figured he couldn’t get the bunny, and Paxton didn’t know why he was barking in the first place – so they were quiet. Not me. I stood on guard. And the NOISES I made. It sounded like I was being tortured. If someone heard me, they would have called animal control. My human didn’t DARE open the deck door – because she had visions of me jumping over the deck railing into the yard one story below. Seriously. I was THAT crazy. I moaned. I squeaked. I barked. I paced along the door. I stared. And I did it for like 10 minutes. I’m not quite sure exactly what I would do if I came face to face with the bunny. Well. Maybe I do. But my human doesn’t want to find out.

I should probably get treatment for my impulse control problem. It would probably begin with short exposure to the “temptation.” I’m going to advocate for that. Yes. I need treatment. Yes. Just give me a few seconds with that bunny. That’s all I need…

Job description

May 1, 2015Leave a Comment

So you hear about someone getting a puppy or a rescue from a shelter. And it’s their first dog. I started thinking the other day that when someone gets a dog, there should be a “job description” that they agree to sign – because they have LOTS of roles ahead. Here are a few:

· Personal trainer/fitness expert. If you own a dog, it is HIGHLY likely you will get exercise. Most of us canines LOVE a good walk – and you WILL accompany us.

· Behavioral psychologist. If you want us to be good, you have to train us. Or should I say, we ALLOW you to train us. Sometimes.

· Dietician. To keep us healthy and HAPPY – you will have to select food that is good for us. And feed us whenever we want. OK. That part isn’t true. But you DO need to feed us.

· Hair stylist. If you own a PON you will REALLY be expert at this. You have to brush us. And keep us clean. Or you have to send us to a groomer. None of which we enjoy. But it’s not optional in the job.

· Custodian/maid. You own a dog. You have to clean your house. More than if you don’t own a dog. This includes dust bunnies and olfactory art on windows and refrigerator doors.

· Fashion expert. You must be willing to purchase lovely collars and leashes and the obligatory raingear and boots. And some of us like to be color coordinated. And YOUR wardrobe must include pants and sweaters and jackets with pockets. So you can carry our treats. And poop bags.

· Entertainer. We dogs look to you humans for entertainment. That includes playing with toys or throwing a ball. It’s your job. And we will stare at you until you comply. Or we will do something to get your attention. And it may not be something good….

· Referee. If you are lucky enough to own MORE than one of us you will SOMETIMES need to settle “overly excited play.”

· Baker. We canines LOVE homemade biscuits. And it doesn’t REALLY matter what they look like. Or how they taste. Many of us will eat anything.

· Physician’s Assistant. When we hurt ourselves, or we are sick, you must agree to take us to the Vet. And then follow the instructions the Vet gives you. Which may include trying to get us to take a pill. Which we spit out. But you must find ways to get us to take that pill. Hiding it in our food does not work. Peanut butter on the roof of our mouth with the pill is a good trick. If you can catch us first.

· Poopologist. Not only will you monitor WHEN we poop and clean up our poop, but you will also rate our poop. For example, when walking Paxton the other day – the dog we KNOW will eat ANYTHING and who then has…errrrr…soupy poops…my human was heard to exclaim “BEAUTIFUL!” when he had a big poop. Seriously. Good poop can be an exciting thing for dog owners.

· Tough decision maker. When our time to leave you comes…you have to make the hardest decision of your life. And a decision that is not about you. But about us. And don’t worry. We know you do it with love in your heart. That’s why it is so hard to do.

So you humans thinking about getting a dog for the first time – you have quite a job to fill. But trust me….it will be the BEST job of your life.