May 2015 – Page 2 – Viktorsviews. The Next Chapter.

Sylvia would be proud…

May 19, 2015Leave a Comment

Years ago, my human went to several dog obedience seminars by a well-known trainer from the UK – Sylvia Bishop. My human had seen Sylvia compete at Crufts and was always amazed with her very obedient Border Collies.

My human remembers many of Sylvia’s techniques – and also remembers something that really “stuck” with her. Sylvia once said that when your dogs come into the “heelwork position”, when you are not even asking them to do so – it is a really good thing.

Well WE never went to the seminar – but we heard about that statement. And being PONs with fabulous memories, we never forget. So lately we have employed that behavior. Relentlessly.

When our human is walking with us during our early morning jaunt at 5 AM, Frodo and I have begun to vie for the position closest to our human. And then, the two of us not only walk in heel position side by side– but we try to both get in SO close – we nearly push our human off into the ditch at the side of the road. At first my human thinks it is cool – because she thinks of Sylvia. And then – she makes the supreme mistake. And really, this is why the whole routine IS her fault. She gives us a treat. Which then causes us to do it again. And again. At which point, our human says “ENOUGH! JUST walk!” Which we will then do. For a minute. Then one of us thinks “hey – I’ll try it again.” And he gets in heel position. The other one spots him and well….you can see what happens again.

Frodo and I secretly have a pact. Once we get our human in the ditch – the one closest to her gets to steal the treats out of her pocket while she is climbing out. OK. Not really. I’m joking.

Or am I?

NEVER a dull moment in our house – and it begins at 5 AM!

National No Dirty Dishes Day

May 18, 2015Leave a Comment

May 18. National No Dirty Dishes Day. Another brilliant human holiday. For those who think I make these crazy holidays up – nope – these are for “real.”

If you own a dog, EVERY day could be National No Dirty Dishes Day. Most of us ( PONs anyway) are quite happy to clean our dishes. Completely. And if you want to leave the room with your dinner on the table – well we are quite happy to clean your dish for you as well. I SUPPOSE there ARE “good dogs” out there who would NOT touch food on a table. Me? Turn your back for a minute, and I’ll help myself. OK. Not really a minute. More like a millisecond. Since my human’s friend arrived, I have helped myself to his oatmeal in the morning, and I quickly tried burying my face in a bowl of salad the other day. But now, he’s getting more diligent. His carries his plate with him if he leaves the table. Not really. I’m kidding. But he should.

Honestly. I’m just trying to be helpful. No dirty dishes. That’s my mantra. I’m such a thoughtful guy!

A Vik-Advisor. And a rant.

May 17, 2015Leave a Comment

Today I thought I would do a quick Vik-Advisor – it’s been a while since I posted one. I am doing it – despite the fact that I am QUITE annoyed with my human. Quite.

The past few days – she has spotted the fox out while walking Paxton. More than once. So today when MY friend, Jackson and his human wanted to go for a run, GUESS who my human took? Not me. Noooooooooo. She was afraid I would take off looking for the fox. So Mr. Good Behavior, the Professor got to go. Again.

This time, no icky bum. So he got to run and run. Bugger. At one point, he DID get a bit stressed when Jackson went for a swim in the pond – and proceeded to herd him as soon as he got out of the water. As if to say “Stay with the group buddy.” The only thing that made ME happy was that Frodo needed a good grooming when he got home. Ha. Ha. His paws and belly were black, and he brought back a large “collection” of items from his jaunt in nature – sticks, grass, leaves, pebbles, dirt – all collected in his coat.

Which brings me to my “product” review for today. The Safari 558 4 ½” comb. It is sold on Amazon – and it costs under $10. It is EXCELLENT for ears. The comb is supposed to be designed for small dogs – but my human loves it on our ears – and on our face.

Oh. And speaking of grooming ears, my human got to admire my excellent barbering skills on Frodo’s ears today. That drives her crazy. And what’s most funny – I generally do just one ear. So his head looks lopsided. Payback for going out with MY buddy.

David Letterman

May 16, 2015Leave a Comment

Oh my. I JUST heard the news. David Letterman, a famous late night talk show host is retiring. And although I don’t REALLY watch him all that much – because his show is on so late at night – there is something that I always wanted to do…

He has a segment on his show called Stupid Pet Tricks. Over the years he featured dogs doing a host of tricks: a Lab climbing a ladder, a Briard riding a scooter, a Sheltie blowing bubbles in a water bowl, a blindfolded border collie catching a Frisbee, a Jack Russell riding a miniature horse, a Beagle playing dead…the list goes on. But of course, I could find NO PON doing any tricks. Now I know Frodo wouldn’t do any tricks – he would be insulted be doing “tricks” to entertain others. And Pax. Well. He doesn’t really know any tricks. Unless you consider eating inedibles items a trick. As for me. I don’t have any YET. Bunny chasing? Nah. It’s not a “trick”. Barking at foxes. Not really a “trick”. I have to learn SOMETHING – quickly. The show goes off this week I think…

Excuse me while I go and think of something…

A new creature…

May 15, 2015Leave a Comment

So it was a quiet foggy morning. We headed out with our human at 5:15AM for our morning walk. It was still dark, but beginning to get bright. It was peaceful, and calm. The birds were singing. There was no wind. You could hear the dripping of water from the trees from the rain the night before. And then the serenity of the morning was abruptly broken. By two PONs. Who spotted SOMETHING up the driveway about 50 feet away. And the barking, squeaking, moaning, SCREAMING could be heard for MILES. And WHAT caused the furor? A squirrel? Fox? Bird? Deer? Leaf? No. Something a bit more ominous. A porcupine. Lumbering up the driveway.

My human had to hold on to us with all her might. We had never actually SEEN one before – and it’s NOT an animal my human WANTS us to meet. So she waited while we howled and screamed (while our neighbors no doubt cursed the sound of us) and the porcupine disappeared into the woods. All the time, my human kept futilely saying in a loud whisper “QUIET. QUIET.” Seriously. We then proceeded up the driveway. It was funny though – when we passed the spot where he had been, we didn’t even care. Usually our noses are stuck to the ground, sniffing the trail of a bunny or fox. But honestly, we didn’t REALLY care. He was gone. At least for now.

But since my human spotted the porky, she is going to be extra cautious at night when we go out for our pee. No more off-leash runs in the dark. She tells us that porky quills in the face are NOT fun – and she doesn’t want us to experience it. It doesn’t sound all that appealing to me – I’ll stick with my bunnies and birds and foxes. Although I’m still not exactly sure WHAT I’ll do with them…

Paws for News

May 14, 2015Leave a Comment

Time for a quick review of the news. First off – today May 14 is Mark Zuckerburg’s birthday. Don’t know the name? You should if you’re reading this blog via Facebook – he’s the founder of Facebook. Do you remember life BFB? Before Facebook. I hear people used to do things like read a book. Or go for a walk. They would call their friends to find out what is new. And they printed pictures of their travels to show to people at parties and gatherings. They read the newspaper and watched the news on TV to find out what was happening in the world. And if they “counted” their friends they would generally have a dozen or two. Not hundreds. Or thousands. It all sounds very primitive to me. Or maybe a better word is simple…Mind you, simple CAN be good. But Facebook has really “connected” the world. You can find crazy PON people EVERYWHERE – just with the click. It’s very cool. And I can see that I’m not the ONLY bad PON in the world. As my human would often make me believe.

In other news…remember that self-driving car? Well. It seems that Google has just announced that their self-driving vehicles have been involved in “11 minor accidents” since they were launched. Just a SMALL detail that wasn’t emphasized before. So forget my request for that self-driving vehicle to go to the pet store. I’ll wait until they perfect it a bit. Maybe I could ride on a large drone…

And the really “BIG” news. A deflated football. Seriously people. We dogs deflate balls ALL the time. WHO cares?! You humans. You sometimes really need to THINK about WHAT is news. And what is a priority. We need more DOG stories!!!

OK. That’s my review for today. Excuse me while I go and try to make my own news! Have a great one!

A human meal

May 13, 2015Leave a Comment

So since the other day was Eat What You Want Day, I started thinking what kind of food we would like if we were human. I mean, as you know, we canines will eat practically anything you give us. Frodo and I are not WILD about leafy greens – but we WILL eat them. But IF we were human – what would our meal preferences be? This is what I imagine….

Frodo (who I like to call “the Professor”) – I picture that his preferred meal of choice would be a chicken breast stuffed with brie. Accompanied by rosemary roasted potatoes and grilled asparagus wrapped in prosciutto. And of course, Frodo would enjoy a glass of Pinot Grigio with HIS meal. Yup. That’s Frodo.

Paxton – this is simple. “Bubba” would LOVE a big bowl of chili. And a beer. And something BIG and chocolate for dessert.

Moi? The “Polish Prince” would of course enjoy a meal starting with a big bowl of beet borscht, and then some cabbage rolls (golabki), some pierogi and of course kielbasa. And for beverage? Ah – just give me a good shot of vodka.

I doubt my human would pick what WE usually have for our meals. We do get fruits and veggies – but I’m thinking our kibble would not be her favorite. Mind you – one day she was at a dog show – and they were having a special buffet during lunch for some occasion. At the end of the table were these plates of “cookies”. She of course was so busy chatting (is THAT a surprise?!) that she had a cookie. And wondered why it tasted rather bland. And dry. Yup – you guessed it. The cookies were for the dogs. Good one!

Well I must go on fox and bunny patrol. And later I’ll take a look at some of those 1000 cookbooks that my human has. But never uses. Just in case she allows me to cook. Have a good one!

Eat What You Want Day

May 10, 2015Leave a Comment

May 11. OK. This has to be THE BEST “holiday” EVER. Today is “Eat What you Want Day“. Honestly. Is this NOT a dream come TRUE for a PON? Actually – for most dogs – but especially us PONs.

I have to let my human know about today. It’s important. Oh where to begin…the treat jar on the counter. Those bananas sitting on the shelf. Obviously the 40 lb bag of dog food in the garage. Frodo likes the fridge. He never misses an opportunity to stick his head in there and survey the buffet options. What would we pick from in there? Bread. Apples. Chicken. Carrots. We will eat the lettuce and the spinach. If we HAVE to. Actually I prefer to chew them and then spit them out on the floor. Or on Frodo’s back.

Since it IS a special day, I am assuming we can also eat those things that my human shouts “NOOOOOOOO” about. Like the neighbor’s cat’s poop. I doubt Paxton will be allowed to eat socks and gloves – she may draw the line there.

What a day. It’s unbelievable. And tomorrow? I imagine it will be National Clean Up Messy Poop Day. But I’ll leave THAT to my human…

Arrivals

May 10, 2015Leave a Comment

Two arrivals this week…

First, the telltale signs were there…the house was being “overly” cleaned. Which meant one of two things. My human was going somewhere. Or someone was coming to visit. No suitcases in sight – so that meant COMPANY. And I was right! A good friend of my human’s arrived Friday. For the SUMMER!!! Time to PAR-TEEEEEEE. This friend spoils us R-O-T-T-E-N. I mean all we have to do is LOOK at him and he gives us a biscuit. He rolls around on the floor and plays with us. And yes. He is an adult. He feels badly for us when we undergo the torture of grooming. Which of course, we TOTALLY milk. We are SO adept at making THE most pitiful faces when we have to do anything we don’t like (like going out in the rain) and he totally supports us. He absolutely loves us. And to be truthful, I know he is here to visit US and not my human. But don’t tell her.

The other arrival…The FOXES have returned. I THOUGHT I heard them the other night. I started barking in the middle of the night. And then I smelled them the other morning. The problem now is that I want to BOLT out of the house in the morning when we go for our walk at 5 AM. I am OBSESSED with trying to knock down the screen door in the morning. My human has been training us to go out the door and sit to wait for a treat. Frodo complies very well. Me? It is VERY, VERY difficult. And honestly, after the treat, I still bolt to the end of the leash. And attempt to drag my human up the driveway. I haven’t yet SEEN the foxes – but Paxton saw one on his walk on the trail the other morning. My human spotted one ahead of them and when they came around a bend, he was sitting there waiting for them. Paxton got excited, but his brain doesn’t explode like mine does, so my human could easily control him. My human DREADS the day when I actually SPOT one…

Company and foxes. Can life get any better? I’ve already done my fox patrol for the morning so now, please excuse me while I go and practice my pitiful looks….Yes. Life is good.

Oh but before I close – and I must not forget – today is Mother’s Day in North America. Happy Mother’s Day today – to humans AND canines. I didn’t send my canine mother a card – but I’m CERTAIN she must read my blog! Have a fabulous day – from your favorite son.

National Lost Sock Memorial Day

May 9, 2015Leave a Comment

Today, May 9 is National Lost Sock Memorial Day. Seriously. I couldn’t make this one up.

Now you humans know all about the phenomenon of lost socks. It happens all the time. It is kind of like magic. They just disappear. Somewhere. You start out with a pair. You go to do laundry. And poof. One is gone. To sock heaven.

But in our household, lost socks could have a much less mysterious reason for their disappearance. It’s called Paxton. The Bernese Sock Monster. Any time my human does laundry, she does a careful pre-wash and then post-wash count. Paxton has been one of several Bernese she has owned who likes to eat inedible objects. You may recall that Paxton ate my human’s sling from her broken arm last winter. Another Bernese she owned ate socks. And mittens. And one time, a BUNCH of stuff. That time he had to have surgery. When the Vet showed my human the bag of “stuff” after the surgery, my human asked if it was a record. He said “yes”. She asked if there was a prize – of a free surgery. No such luck.

Last year, before the sling incident, Paxton managed to get a hold of 3 pairs of leather gloves. And yours truly was with him. We broke into a closet. My human discovered the carnage quickly and decided she could do only one thing. Get the gloves back. The proper dosage of hydrogen peroxide will usually help in “returning” the lost clothing. Sure enough. One dose, and Paxton became the canine gumball machine – spitting out those gloves. Yours truly sadly suffered from guilt by association – but the contents of MY stomach was free of any remnants. Frodo didn’t undergo the purging – he’s too good to eat inedibles.

Given the record of eating inedibles in this house, it sounds like my human isn’t diligent when it comes to guarding things. Let me assure you. She IS. And if a sock disappears, like they normally do in most households, she will search for days. And things are NOT routinely accessible to us. But all it takes is a pair of gloves on a counter- left there for a minute. Or a dropped sock on the way to the laundry…

Today we take a moment to remember all those lost items. And we hope, that if they disappeared with the help of a canine…that they WILL one day reappear. If you know what I mean…