November 2014 – Page 2 – Viktorsviews. The Next Chapter.

Vik-Advisor

November 13, 20142 Comments

Well I had a new idea this week. As we know, my human is always interested in trying out new and fun dog products. And let’s face it – some of them are PONtastic, and other things…well not so much. So I decided I will write about some of the products my human has purchased, once in a while on my blog: The Vik-Advisor. I’ll review a dog product – and give it a rating – from one to five paws. One paw will be for those things that I didn’t like – and five paws will be something I loved.

So today I will talk about something for grooming. My human seems to think that the more you pay for a grooming stuff , the easier the job will be. WRONGO. We’re PONs. There is nothing “easy” about us!!! But we have fancy brushes, organic shampoos, and an assortment of other tools to fluff and puff us. She shops on-line at doggie supply websites and at dog shows. And my human is inordinately disappointed when she has paid like $50,000 for a brush and she gets it home and tries it – and doesn’t like it. OK. Not REALLY $50,000. $40,000. Sometimes I think she thinks the brush will do the work without her! Or she gets a new shampoo, and then can’t stand the smell of it. One of the dangers of on-line shopping – you can’t do the smell test. One time she bought this fancy schmansy plastic comb and the first time she used it on Frodo, she broke two teeth! And THEN there was the time she bought this REALLY nice dog blow dryer and when it arrived, she noticed that the plug was “different” from normal plugs. So being the resourceful (but not always bright) human that she is, she made a trip to the local hardware store and talked with some also not-so-bright clerk about changing the wall socket. Long story short – she DID change the socket and was so pleased when she plugged in the dryer and it worked! For about 20 seconds until the motor blew out. Another great purchase. So some of her grooming shopping adventures have not always been successful….

But who knew that a trip to the local “human” beauty supply store could result in a purchase that makes our grooming SO much easier – and it is the CHEAPEST tool we own! My product review is for the One ‘n Only Argan Heat Professional Argan Ceramic Volume Detangling Comb. And no – I didn’t make up the name. Here’s the website for my favorite comb – and no – we are not getting any compensation for this review!

http://www.sallybeauty.com/argan-detangling-comb/SBS-345719,default,pd.html

The comb is sturdy – we have been using it for months – and no broken teeth so far! The teeth are not sharp – so they don’t scratch our skin. The handle is easy on my human’s wrist. And BEST of all – it gets out tangles – very easily! The teeth are staggered – so they go through messy hair. I would even use this tool on my human. I give this product….FIVE PAWS!!

Now I suppose I should add that this is the opinion of me. Viktor. The PON. I’m not so certain that this tool will work for everyone – but Frodo and Pax and I sure like it. Please don’t get mad at us if you buy it and it doesn’t work. The good news – if you DO buy it, and you don’t like it – it didn’t cost $50,000!! And if you DO go to buy one – tell them Viktor sent you. Viktor. The PON.

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Remember…

November 11, 2014Leave a Comment

Well. Today is an important day in Canada and the US – and actually in many countries around the world. It’s a day that we remember and honor those men and women who have served their countries in times of war – and during peacekeeping times as well. And on this day we can’t forget our military working dogs, either! We call today Veteran’s Day.

In the dog show world, the term veteran is used to describe an older dog. In the human world, the term Veteran means so much more.

Veterans are very, very special. They defended our rights and our liberties and without them, many of us would not enjoy the freedoms that we do today.

So I’m sending out a great big tail wag today to thank our Veterans – and I hope you will take out a minute today to do the same.

Say what?

November 10, 2014Leave a Comment

OK, sometimes you humans need to listen to yourselves. You say things….well…that are either stretching the truth – or sometimes just plain nonsense. Allow me to give you some examples of the kinds of lines we routinely hear in our household…

· “Where’s your sit?” This is generally said when we have been told to sit – and we are not doing so. Like at mealtime. I KNOW I am supposed to sit – but sometimes, I don’t. At which point my human utters this question. Where’s your sit? Where is it? In Hawaii. I wish I could say that. I mean, where IS it? In the refrigerator. I don’t know where it IS – but clearly it’s not here, right now. Save the polite question. Just tell me to sit. I still may not do it – but at least I won’t have a bunch of smart remarks swirling through my mind.

· “I won’t be long.” Right. You say this when you are going to be gone for ANY amount of time. Ranging from an hour – to 5 hours. Just be honest. We know you feel guilty leaving our sad faces when you are heading out the door – but just say “I will be gone for 2.5 hours.” We would appreciate knowing just how much time we have to destroy the house.

· “Who’s coming?” This is usually a TOTALLY false statement – said when you are about to take a photo. The expectation is that we will get all excited and lift our ears in that cute expression that you are hoping for. But seriously, we are on to you. Just say “smile.” We may or we may not – depending on how we are feeling that day. But don’t do the false alarm question, when no one is really coming. Remember the story of the boy who cried wolf?

· “Just two more minutes.” We hear this when we are being brushed and WE are done. Our human says this, as if it will make this boring routine that much more tolerable. Just say “I need to brush every inch of you until I am satisfied that you do not have even a TRACE of a tangle in your coat and I will do so until I am finished.” But when you say this, please keep the ever-ready supply of treats handy.

These are just a FEW examples of the way our human rambles on and talks to us and says things that don’t always make sense. And then you wonder why we, well Frodo anyway, barks all the time? He’s just doing the same thing. Back at ya human!

Hiding.

November 9, 2014Leave a Comment

OK. My brother, Frodo is weird. He has this habit. He likes to hide. Or he THINKS he is hiding. He will lie down in strange places – behind chairs, sofas, curtains – and in some of THE most awkward positions – and he acts as if we can’t see him. Seriously. I don’t get it. Maybe this behavior goes back to some ancient sheep guarding behavior – where he thinks he needs to blend into the environment. But come on! Check out these photos. Does he THINK we can’t see him?

And sometimes the places he picks can’t even be comfortable. One day, he wedged himself between the vacuum cleaner and the wall – and was resting his head on the hose. Weird I tell ya.

I don’t say anything – because I don’t want to start a fight. The other day, he even growled at me when he was wedged under the table. I’m not sure if he growled because he didn’t want me there – or because he was stuck. No worries bro – I’m not trying to squish myself in there.

In all fairness, I DID do this behavior myself in my younger days. I used to crawl under the bed – to sleep by the wall – under the headboard. After nearly knocking myself out one time when I was scrambling to get out when the doorbell rang, I decided the secret “hiding” behavior wasn’t such a great idea. But not Frodo. He’s still at it.

Well – to each his own. I still look up to him – as he is the one who has taken me with him into the DFZ. And if he wants to hide – go for it. I’m thinking of getting him a camouflage jacket for Christmas. Better that than the plaid one he has….

Dog products – not for us.

November 8, 2014Leave a Comment

Well. The adventures in the DFZ continue. Our human was getting ready to go to work the other morning– and instead of stair racing while she was in the shower, Frodo moved the baby gate and we made ourselves VERY comfy in the DFZ. As we know, he has done before. But THIS time, I went along. I really like that wingback chair. But of course, once our human emerged from the shower it was good-bye DFZ. Don’t worry, we’ll be back….

On another note, I DO think we very are lucky. Our human is always interested in finding new and exiting dog products for us. She is an expert on-line shopper. She looks for cool retrieving toys (since we wear them out), all kinds of grooming stuff, collars and leashes – AND of course, the dreaded apparel. We know how Frodo feels about that!

But the other day she found a site that had a variety of things that made her laugh out loud. She could just IMAGINE what would happen if she bought any of the following products for us:

· A treat dispenser that shoots out treats like a gun. Picture that one. I mean REALLY picture that one. Treats bouncing everywhere – because none of us have a particularly good “catch” reflex for treats. And everything bounces off Paxton’s nose. And if we can’t catch something, and it hits the floor – it’s every dog for himself. It would be TOTAL PONdemonium if we got one of those.

· A food dish with an automatic motion sensor. So I guess the pet gets near the bowl – and voila – a door opens and the food is there. I guess it would somehow protect food for those pets who don’t eat everything at once. That sure as heck is not ANYBODY in this household. The door would open, we would eat everything, and then we would carry it away to see if there was any more food inside. And then Paxton would destroy it.

· Those automatic water cooler gizmos that dispense fresh water. It’s attached to a bowl. In our house, that would last all of minute. There would be a small flood. Everywhere.

· Pet sunglasses. We don’t keep elastics in our hair – how long do you think we would wear sunglasses?!

· A smartphone app that allows you to interact with your pet remotely – and will also dispense treats. Holy moly. Picture THAT. First off – we would try to destroy the thing the MOMENT it was put on the floor. If there were treats in it, we WOULD find a way to get them out. And seriously, who has an “extra” smartphone lying around that can be used by the canines in the household?! Even IF our human managed to set it up securely and she appeared on the video screen to say “hello” – do you think we would listen to her? We don’t do that when we are face to face!

Now I must say, our human has been VERY curious about some cool “interactive” dog toys that are made in Europe. Her only fear is that we will destroy them too quickly and not have the patience to try and find the hidden treats. But she keeps looking at them on-line – she IS interested….Maybe for Christmas. In fact, I think I’ll put them on the list! Three of them. We DO have to be fair.

Obedience. And acting.

November 7, 2014Leave a Comment

So today, let’s talk about obedience training…

My human has calculated that she has probably spent enough money on obedience classes to send three kids to university. Well… That MIGHT be a BIT of an exaggeration – just two kids. For those who don’t know – when Frodo steps in the obedience or rally ring with my human to compete, he looks pretty darn impressive. Heck, I even got my first Rally obedience title this year in one weekend – with 2 out of 3 high in class finishes. But I’m here to tell you – it’s all an act.

You know how you see the actors like Tobey Maguire playing Superman and Michael Keaton playing Batman…well – those guys REALLY can’t fly or fight superheroes in real life. They are actors. And when it comes to obedience…Frodo and I are actors. Put us in a competition ring and we LOOK like we are well behaved and obedient. We are attentive to our human. We heel around the ring like we are glued to her pant leg. We stare at her longingly – like there is no one else in the world we would rather be with….The judges even comment what a GREAT breed we are. But it’s all an act.

Let me tell you about real life obedience and real life heeling…

When we walk down our dead end country road, in the dark in the morning, with our human wearing her headlamp, if we smell or hear anything out of the ordinary, the word “heel” disappears from our vocabulary. And we are smart enough to know the laws of physics and that if we BOTH pull at the same time – when we are walking REALLY fast, we can cause a sudden release of our leashes – because our human would rather not succumb to the laws of gravity. Now the “leash release” doesn’t happen very often – as our human IS smart enough to see when we are beginning to walk quickly – and she KNOWS what we are trying to do. In most instances, she’ll pull out the ammunition – a ready supply of treats in her coat pocket. That will usually slow us down.

On some days, if there is nothing particularly interesting, and we don’t feel like pulling, we’ll try another exercise. Voluntary heeling. We get in close – just like we would in obedience competitions – and heel like we are trying for a very high score. And we’ll even jockey for position – to see who can get in closer. This move will often cause our human to almost trip and fall as well. It’s a passive aggressive form of heeling. We LOOK like we’re being good…but it’s another act. Once our human indicates she won’t give us a treat, we give up.

And of course our last type of heeling is on rainy days. The sack-of-potatoes heeling. This is where our human walks, and we drag behind her. It is our least favorite type.

I think our human would have been better off spending the money for those obedience classes on more tasty treats for us. I certainly know that if she were wearing a sirloin steak around her neck during our morning walks, I would be VERY well behaved. My goodness, it certainly is challenging training you humans.

Oh but before I close – here’s a video of Frodo doing rally obedience. Good thing he didn’t lose too many points for barking…My favorite part is when he and my human do the sidestep. I must admit, my brother is pretty cool – even when he is putting on an act!

A sticky situation.

November 6, 20141 Comment

I’m not afraid of many things. I’ve even gotten over my “mistrust” of baby gates in the past two weeks. I don’t mind vacuum cleaners, or blow dryers. But there are two things that I fear. And just the sight of them make me run. The squirt gun. And the lint roller. Yes. The lint roller.

I think it’s pretty obvious why I don’t like the squirt gun. My human had the bright idea to get one this summer – when she thought that our crack-of-dawn barking might be a nuisance to the neighbors. Well not OUR barking. Frodo’s barking. And it also serves the purpose of stopping riotous behavior when we are running wildly around the yard when she gets home from work. Sort of. Anyway – all she needs to do it squirt us in the butt, and we are much more attentive and less crazy. For a few seconds.

As for the lint roller… Well that is actually pretty funny. At least our human thinks it’s funny. One day, on her way out the door to work, she was using one of the many lint rollers located throughout every room the house. Well, that’s a BIT of an exaggeration – we don’t EXACTLY have one in EVERY room. Almost every room. Anyway, she was rolling away – and Pax went to see what she was doing. She held it out and let him sniff it. And he put his nose on it. And he didn’t like the sticky feeling – so he JUMPED back. And we saw him. So of course we had to see too. And our human held it out – and just like Pax – we touched it and jumped back. So now when our human brings one out – all she has to do is simply hold it up – and we leap backward like we have been hit by an electrical current. Frodo doesn’t really do the “leap” – he just turns and walks away. But Pax and I – it’s definitely a leap.

So in our house – to command attention – all you need is a squirt gun – or something more powerful yet – a lint roller. Actually, I’m not all that fond of scotch tape either…

Stair racing.

November 5, 2014Leave a Comment

Stair racing. It could be an Olympic sport. We canines, in our house, LOVE it. Our human on the other hand, does NOT love it.

Whenever we see that our human is about to go downstairs to the rec room (the room that has all kinds of things piled on the sofas so that we don’t steal the cushions), it is absolute PONdemonium to see who can get downstairs FIRST. Besides the racing, there is uproarious barking. We literally FLY to the landing – and then race to the bottom. My goal in stair racing is to get down FIRST and then attempt to attack the others. That’s the rule in stair racing. And why do we do it? We don’t know. We just do it. I call it “being joyful”.

We generally stair race when a human is attempting to go DOWN the stairs or up – but up is not nearly as much fun. Our human lets us go down first – as she doesn’t have a death wish. OR sometimes she will bring out the squirt gun – and for some reason, we all go down the stairs quite civilly when we see that.

Yesterday, we decided (all three of us) to totally torment our human. OK. Confession. It WAS my idea. We waited until she went into the bathroom to take her shower. We figured she was juuuuuuust about to step in. So we began. Stair racing. Full out. Then when we got downstairs, we continued the barking. Frodo led that portion. Then we raced back up. And back down. And we kept on barking. The next thing we hear the bathroom door open and plod plod, plod, here comes our human down the stairs. We all just look at her. “What’s GOING ON????” she says. We silently look at one another. She heads back upstairs – and we stair race ahead of her.

I REALLY, REALLY wanted to do it again. But the other guys weren’t in. Party poopers. Frodo just continued intermittent barking on his own while our human was in the shower.

Don’t we just LOVE to start our human’s day in a joyful way?!

Never laugh at us…

November 4, 2014Leave a Comment

Never laugh at us. Seriously. It just eggs us on….

OK, so I have now been allowed in the DFZ (“dog free zone”) – when my human is in there. Yesterday morning, she went in to get her laptop -before she was going to work. So Frodo and I followed her through the gate and made ourselves at home. She unplugged her laptop and said “OK boys – you need to get out of here.” You see – being in the DFZ when she is around is one thing – being in there on our own – well – the temptation to sample pillows and hooked rugs MAY be a bit too much.

So Frodo follows her out. Not me. I just stay on the hooked rug in front of the fireplace. Like I am posing for a calendar page. And I stare. So my human says, “Viktor – come on – let’s go.” And I stay there and stare. Like I am in a trance and can’t move. Of course I CAN move – but I LIKE it here. Now my human says louder “VIKTOR – let’s go.” And I stay there and stare. Now my human comes over and takes me by the collar. And I go limp. At which point SHE makes the supreme error. She laughs. “Come ON Viktor,” she says – and tries to lift my body under my front legs. And I REALLY go limp. At which point SHE laughs more. So now we have this laughing woman (ready for work, dressed in a black dress– which is just a TOTAL dog hair magnet) tugging at this limp 50 lb dog whose back legs will NOT support him – even as she tries to stand him up.

After several minutes of laughing and tugging – she FINALLY gets serious – as she is going to be late for work. “OK. Enough.” she says. At which point I happily stand up, shake myself off – and RACE out of the DFZ.

Moral of the story: never laugh at us. Or you WILL suffer the consequences : ) Ah… the joys of training humans.

PON -1. Human – 0.

November 3, 20141 Comment

OK. You are NOT going to believe this! Remember my blog about the “dog free zone” and the baby gate? And how Frodo was allowed in when our human was in there? Well GUESS what?! I was allowed IN the other night. IF I promised to behave – no getting on the furniture, no racing around, no chewing pillows or rugs…Basically I had to act like I was dead. It took everything in my power to STAY calm. And it worked. I was good. I lay down and even fell asleep.

The next night, I was a bit “over the top” so my visit was not long. Jumping up and down on the couch was not a bright idea.

What’s IRONIC is that my human THINKS she is training me. Bwhahahahaha. Trust me – it’s the other way around. Remember – give us an inch. The photo you see is me on one of the wingback chairs in the “dog free zone.” So much for the “no getting on the furniture” rule. Broken. Already. Score: PON – 1. Human -0.

Next mission: get Paxton IN. And we WILL. Might as well get rid of that baby gate – we’re taking over. But then we always WERE in charge…